Confessions of an Alcoholic
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Confessions of an Alcoholic
I am approaching my 11th day sober.
11 days and not a single drop of alcohol has been drunk by me, Lancashire. I haven't held a drink, sniffed a drink or taken a drink in any way alcoholic.
Never did I think I could be sober for 11 days and thats the truth.
Outside my window and I write this, the wind is blowing fiercely, it raining very hard and its extremely cold. Out there somewhere people are drinking with their friends, talking about the world over a few, blowing the throf of a couple.
Yet here I sit, typing into a computer, sober and clean. I am warm and dry and not craving alcohol in any way today, which is a welcome relief.
I have had a fantastic day with my family, my Wife is trusting and close with me again. My Son plays with me and I have nothing better to do that to play with his toys with him. My Mother, who didn't realise I had a drinking problem is no longer worried for me anymore. . . . I am truly happy.
In fact I am the happiest I have been in a very long time.
Will I ever drink again ?
Well I have been giving a lot of thought about that and the answer to it is, No.
This is the reason why, up until a few years ago I used to smoke and I loved smoking more than I loved drinking. Then I managed to go a week or so without a cigarette. Every time I wanted a cigarette, I realised I had given up much to get to where I was and I would be letting myself down and it would all have been for nothing if I started again.
I feel the same way now about alcohol. For days I struggled, taunted by this so called addictive voice. So no I wont ever drink again.
I have come to realise, I do have an addictive personally. For instance, I feel I am addicted to being sober. I can hear you laughing, but let me explain.
Right now I am sober, My Wife loves me again, so does my Son, and my Mother. Things couldn't be better, everyday they tell me how well I am doing and they are proud of me. Who wouldn't be addicted to that.
I come on to SR and for once I tell the truth and I feel that people are not just listening to me, but I feel that by sharing a little of myself with others, it gives them strength too. Now thats a symbiotic relationship, so not only can I help others, but I can feel good about helping others too. Wow.
I am addicted to waking up in the morning and not having a hangover, and not dry retching. I am addicted to not smelling, like a barrel-shifter.
I made a lot of money last week, working with a clear head instead of being hungover and bloody useless and I am addicted to feeling my life, Homelife and work are worthwhile.
Although this is only the very beginning of a journey, I feel like it has to be all or nothing. Black or White. My life has always been this way. There are no gray areas with me. I am a man of extremes, which for a mixed race person, you can see the irony.
I am so grateful to be able to sit here tonight and say to you all, I am sober and free from a life enslaved to a liquid in a can or bottle.
Thank you for letting me get my confession out there on paper.
11 days and not a single drop of alcohol has been drunk by me, Lancashire. I haven't held a drink, sniffed a drink or taken a drink in any way alcoholic.
Never did I think I could be sober for 11 days and thats the truth.
Outside my window and I write this, the wind is blowing fiercely, it raining very hard and its extremely cold. Out there somewhere people are drinking with their friends, talking about the world over a few, blowing the throf of a couple.
Yet here I sit, typing into a computer, sober and clean. I am warm and dry and not craving alcohol in any way today, which is a welcome relief.
I have had a fantastic day with my family, my Wife is trusting and close with me again. My Son plays with me and I have nothing better to do that to play with his toys with him. My Mother, who didn't realise I had a drinking problem is no longer worried for me anymore. . . . I am truly happy.
In fact I am the happiest I have been in a very long time.
Will I ever drink again ?
Well I have been giving a lot of thought about that and the answer to it is, No.
This is the reason why, up until a few years ago I used to smoke and I loved smoking more than I loved drinking. Then I managed to go a week or so without a cigarette. Every time I wanted a cigarette, I realised I had given up much to get to where I was and I would be letting myself down and it would all have been for nothing if I started again.
I feel the same way now about alcohol. For days I struggled, taunted by this so called addictive voice. So no I wont ever drink again.
I have come to realise, I do have an addictive personally. For instance, I feel I am addicted to being sober. I can hear you laughing, but let me explain.
Right now I am sober, My Wife loves me again, so does my Son, and my Mother. Things couldn't be better, everyday they tell me how well I am doing and they are proud of me. Who wouldn't be addicted to that.
I come on to SR and for once I tell the truth and I feel that people are not just listening to me, but I feel that by sharing a little of myself with others, it gives them strength too. Now thats a symbiotic relationship, so not only can I help others, but I can feel good about helping others too. Wow.
I am addicted to waking up in the morning and not having a hangover, and not dry retching. I am addicted to not smelling, like a barrel-shifter.
I made a lot of money last week, working with a clear head instead of being hungover and bloody useless and I am addicted to feeling my life, Homelife and work are worthwhile.
Although this is only the very beginning of a journey, I feel like it has to be all or nothing. Black or White. My life has always been this way. There are no gray areas with me. I am a man of extremes, which for a mixed race person, you can see the irony.
I am so grateful to be able to sit here tonight and say to you all, I am sober and free from a life enslaved to a liquid in a can or bottle.
Thank you for letting me get my confession out there on paper.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 114
Hi Lancashire,
I identify very much with your confession. I too am very extreme - no moderation. Also find this site a brilliant way to give and receive support. I gave up smoking 6 months ago which I consider miraculous. I now think if I could do that I can do anything. I'm going to try and get addicted to exercise! Stay strong Together we can do this.
I identify very much with your confession. I too am very extreme - no moderation. Also find this site a brilliant way to give and receive support. I gave up smoking 6 months ago which I consider miraculous. I now think if I could do that I can do anything. I'm going to try and get addicted to exercise! Stay strong Together we can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: nj
Posts: 146
Congrats lancashire! I am so happy for you.
You sound like you are in such an amazing place and I know it will
Only continue to get even better for!
I too start my 11 th day in a few hours and have many similarities to you. You said addictive personality and I always said obsessive compulsive
. I get into everything to the extreme ( exercise, crafting, drinking,etc) I need to learn moderation in future activities, but not drinking.
Cheers to you and your happiness and I'll see you more on SR!
You sound like you are in such an amazing place and I know it will
Only continue to get even better for!
I too start my 11 th day in a few hours and have many similarities to you. You said addictive personality and I always said obsessive compulsive
. I get into everything to the extreme ( exercise, crafting, drinking,etc) I need to learn moderation in future activities, but not drinking.Cheers to you and your happiness and I'll see you more on SR!
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by leb 
Hi Lancashire,
I identify very much with your confession. I too am very extreme - no moderation. Also find this site a brilliant way to give and receive support. I gave up smoking 6 months ago which I consider miraculous. I now think if I could do that I can do anything. I'm going to try and get addicted to exercise! Stay strong Together we can do this.
I identify very much with your confession. I too am very extreme - no moderation. Also find this site a brilliant way to give and receive support. I gave up smoking 6 months ago which I consider miraculous. I now think if I could do that I can do anything. I'm going to try and get addicted to exercise! Stay strong Together we can do this.
This was how I was able to quit smoking and now drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ny
Posts: 739
Hi Lancashire,
I'm so happy you are feeling this way. Although I am only 1 day sober, i can certainly identify with your post....especially regarding support from your family. I had over 6 years sober and started struggling again 3 years ago. This past year I became a daily drinker again. I LOVED that feeling of support and pride from my husband and children...no more looks of fear..no more screaming at kids for nonsense. It was great. I cannot believe i ever let that go. today they looked at me with disgust....i showed up drunk at my son's basketball game last night. Need I say more? I have been sneaking around for months but not last night!!! I have to earn all of their trust and respect back and it feels overwhelming and horrible.
I am so happy for you because that, in itself, kept me sober for a long time.
I look forward to connecting with you on SR..Enjoy the evening with your family.
I'm so happy you are feeling this way. Although I am only 1 day sober, i can certainly identify with your post....especially regarding support from your family. I had over 6 years sober and started struggling again 3 years ago. This past year I became a daily drinker again. I LOVED that feeling of support and pride from my husband and children...no more looks of fear..no more screaming at kids for nonsense. It was great. I cannot believe i ever let that go. today they looked at me with disgust....i showed up drunk at my son's basketball game last night. Need I say more? I have been sneaking around for months but not last night!!! I have to earn all of their trust and respect back and it feels overwhelming and horrible.
I am so happy for you because that, in itself, kept me sober for a long time.
I look forward to connecting with you on SR..Enjoy the evening with your family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm glad I read this post tonight.
Life is a little lonely and strange for me at the moment.
However...............its nearly half one in the morning. I'm awake in my bed, my daughter is sleeping next to me.
She is clean, happy, snug and warm. I am clean, happyish, snug and warm. Outside its freezing and really windy. We are cosy.
Down stairs there is a card and a present for one of her little friends who is having a party tomorrow.
We can sleep in, watch television, go to the party, come home, then a friend is coming with her son.
It will be a nice day.
A few years ago I would probably have drunk too much, passed out on the sofa. I would have not slept well. I would have wasted the day. I would have felt anxious and not wanted to go near anyone for fear of them smelling booze on me. I would have been counting the hours until it was acceptable to drink again.
Its so nice being able to be contended and grateful with a life that no longer contains booze.
I wish you the best xx
Life is a little lonely and strange for me at the moment.
However...............its nearly half one in the morning. I'm awake in my bed, my daughter is sleeping next to me.
She is clean, happy, snug and warm. I am clean, happyish, snug and warm. Outside its freezing and really windy. We are cosy.
Down stairs there is a card and a present for one of her little friends who is having a party tomorrow.
We can sleep in, watch television, go to the party, come home, then a friend is coming with her son.
It will be a nice day.
A few years ago I would probably have drunk too much, passed out on the sofa. I would have not slept well. I would have wasted the day. I would have felt anxious and not wanted to go near anyone for fear of them smelling booze on me. I would have been counting the hours until it was acceptable to drink again.
Its so nice being able to be contended and grateful with a life that no longer contains booze.
I wish you the best xx
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by Peter_819
You've got a great attitude Lancashire! I was feeling pretty down in the dumps, but your post is really lifting my spirits. Thanks for sharing.
Right now, were sober. To most people out there that doesn't mean a hell of a lot, to myself before I gave up, it didn't mean much more.
However being sober right now, means tomorrow I have choices. Its a Sunday, another day off, but instead of us all nursing hangovers, feeling sick and counting down the hours until we can get destroyed again. We can live.
We can go for Sunday lunch in a fancy hotel, visit a museum, watch a film at the cinema (some goods ones out at the moment). We can veg out in front of sofa.
My point is, alcohol takes away our choices, because people don't want to spend time with us. We can't drive for legal reasons. We are too damn ill to move a muscle. Now, for me thats not any kind of fun.
While were sober we are free. Is it easy being sober . . . No !!!
I heard it said, "One drink is too much and a thousand drinks is not enough".
This is so true for me and for many of us. Reaching for that one drink, takes away our choices and because we won't be satisfied no matter how much we drink, or how ill we get tomorrow, this causes us depression.
So heres an idea, live a full life we lots of choices and leave the drinking many days, weeks, months and years behind you. You dont need it anymore, were free.
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers
You sound great! Wow, I am amazed at the quitting smoking! I think that is much harder than not drinking. Thank you for sharing.
When I used to smoke, I could get into a car and drive with fag in my hand and no-one would care. Driving around drunk with a can of Stella Artois in ones hand tends to draw the attention of the Police.
More lives are lost through the direct and indirect consequences of smoking and drinking than anything else, yet it remain legal to do so. I have to ask myself, why and the only answer I can come up with is not because of the revenue raising aspect but the fact that they are socially engrained in our society.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: North East Scotland
Posts: 487
Brilliant post Lancashire.
You're so right in everything you say.
Yesterday, I did my housework, went shopping, visited my friend & her baby last night.
This morning, I made breakfast for my kids, we're about to start homework (dread !!!) and I'm going to sort out school uniforms for this week. Hubby's away to make sure he had shirts for work.
It's great to be sober.
x
You're so right in everything you say.
Yesterday, I did my housework, went shopping, visited my friend & her baby last night.
This morning, I made breakfast for my kids, we're about to start homework (dread !!!) and I'm going to sort out school uniforms for this week. Hubby's away to make sure he had shirts for work.
It's great to be sober.
x
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
