Bri916

My husband and I drink too much and want to stop but are having a hard time breaking the habit of drinking beer every night. Has anyone got sober with their spouse? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

Anna

I have no experience with that.

It could work, but it could also be a mine-field.

I hope that you both are ready and willing to stop drinking for good.

ScottFromWI

I would say yes, anyone can choose sobriety whether they are married or single. It's important to remember that you cannot make or force others to quit though, even a spouse - it is an individual decision.

You could start by having an honest conversation about your goals. You might find seeking supoort together is best, or perhaps you will take different paths. Have either of you tried to quit before?

IOAA2

Hi.
Getting sober at the same time, YES. As usual you both need to want to get and stay sober.

If you were to seek the help of AA I’d suggest going to separate meetings at least for awhile and concentrate on your separate processes. It can be a bit bumpy and anxiety prone going to the same meetings together.

BE WELL

Turtle82

I think it can if the desire and willingness is there in both. I difficulty I've seen in those couples is the tendency to take each other's inventory. That can be a real pitfall creating conflicts. I think that has to be openly discussed at the outset. There has to be an agreement that you'll recognize differences and individual pacing. I would recommend each go their separate ways as far as meetings go and don't discuss any struggles you may have with your mate at the tables... only with your sponsor if need be. And, of course, it would be a good idea for each to get into Alanon also making that not discussing your mate at those tables even more important... sponsor-only discussions... both are "anonymous" programs.

Edit: Flynbuy is right. My own sponsor was married to a fellow alcoholic. They met in AA in fact. They were both sponsoring. They came together to meetings only after their own programs were solid and they had good sobriety as a result though.

Fly N Buy

Certainly!
I know couples who got sober together and are still together - see them in rooms daily. If there is loving kindness and not simply a codie relationship the chances are much better that the couple would grow together.

Either way, your both better off sober
Kind Regards,
FlyN

AnvilheadII

each person has to OWN their own sobriety, REGARDLESS of what the spouse or partner chooses. if both aren't on board, then the paths diverge and choices have to be made.

at first it may be helpful to attend meetings together, but it is also wise to attend separate meetings so each can speak freely and interact with other recovering alcoholics one on one.

anattaboy

So far so good at 6+ months here. Wife's date is like 10 days behind mine. We remember about this time every month.

Deebee82

My husband and I are trying to together. I'm sure it's not going to be easy but I'm determined to stay sober even if he lapses. I've already explained to him if he drinks I plan to remove myself from the situation until I am sure he is sober again. We've had issues already involving disagreements and we just go in different rooms till we've calmed down and can rationally talk to each other.

upminer

I can see where it could work but I can see issues too as if one gets sober and one fails a few times, etc. the successful one drinking because the other one can't stop, etc... Everyone is different and I'm not sure a couple can approach sobriety the same way with the same results.

Bri916

Thanks for all the helpful answers. I am hopeful we can do it. We both want to. Today will be day 1 for us. Prayers would be appreciated! Thanks

Soberwolf

Well done Bri & Bri's wife on making a day 1

Find the class of january in newcomers and post in there aswell its a group for ppl who got sober around the same time as one another

strategery

My spouse and I sobered up together. We decided the drinking wasn't healthy for either of us. I have known of another couple that decided to get sober and they now have over 30+ years of sobriety. It is possible, but you both have to be on the same page with wanting to be sober.
Sending prayers your way.

Ruby2

Hi there. Congrats on day one. My husband and I bave different quit dates and he's relapsed but I am not writing about us.

In their 70s, my grandparents made the decision together to quit drinking. The smell ofBourbon and ginger ale are memories of my childhood.

They supported each other and presented a united front that no alcohol would be consumed. At their 50th wedding anniversary my grandmither looked wistfully at the champagne but didn't have any after a glance from my grandfather. They were partners. Teammates. My grandmother died 14 years ago and my grandfather didn't drink. He hasnt had a drink in forever now and he is an active and healthy 94.

You can do it! Go team.

Kris47

Good luck to the both of you, Bri!

Absolutely, you can quit together. You both just need to have the desire to quit.

Although it isn't easy, it may be easier for the two of you on the same page. You do need to take care of your own sobriety as he does too.

Make sure you both practice, tolerance, faith, love, forgiveness and one day at a time.

Well Wishes!