looking4help

Hi. I'm new here and new to the AA/ al-anon programs. My boyfriend and father of my unborn baby is an alcoholic in recovery. He's been through treatment and is now out and attending meetings. I'm trying to be supportive and encouraging but most of the time I feel completely shut out. Being pregnant is not helping my self-esteem one bit. I'm a little over 3 months along and not showing yet...just looking like I'm getting fat. And I'm having a hard time understanding the relationships he's made with the women in treatment. He was only there for a couple of weeks, and came home with notes from women telling him they love him and if he ever needs them that they are just a phone call away. He tells me that he told men in there that he loved them...but it still bothers me. Talking to him about it has only made him mad and pushed him further away from me. I just want to understand it. Is this common? Is it just how the program works? I guess it just hurts to know he's opened up emotionally to others in a way that he's never opened up to me. I also can't help but wonder if he'll still choose me when he gets closer to who he's trying to become and a non drinker. Really, I wonder about a lot...what to expect at an alanon meeting...how it can help...what life will be like now...

I've heard that you're not supposed to make any big decisions in the first year...we're having a baby...that's pretty big. He's got 2 court dates coming up..both due to his actions while under the influence. There's a good possibility that he won't even be here when our baby is born. It's my first and the thought of him not being here on that day is absolutely killing me already. I just try not to think about it and pray a lot that God's grace may be with the judges as they decide his cases. I know he needs to pay for what he's done...and I know this is sooooo selfish, I just don't want his baby or me to not have him here when we need him most.

Well, the laundry calls...and I've ranted enough. Any replies would be welcome.

Thank you.

best

Welcome to SR
You will find many here who may have answers for you.


If he is drinking and drunk....is he there for you?

If jail time is what he needs or time in a treatment center or what ever it takes.... Sober clean growing later would be better then drunk, there in person but not there for you as needed.
As far as the notes... yes that can be true. People can be so wanting to be supportive but it can also be people not doing what they should. AA is not a singles service though one or maybe two may think so.
Al Anon will help you see the light of day on many things. I am sure you will get much out of it.

peace2u

Hi There,

Best said it best...hmmm...I did not plan that! Do visit the other forums. There's a world of information from mothers just as yourself. They'll answer your concerns quickly and you'll get support and love.
Prayers and Hugs

KelKel

Hi There and glad you found us...
I am an alcoholic that is greatful to be sober today...
I did just want to let you know that when people connect in rehab, be it male or female, they are usually very sick and just trying to live.
The bonds are strong and there is alot of love and support going on.
We all go through painful stuff together and expose so much of ourselves that it is natural to feel a connection, that is really the point of recovery with other addicts...try not to let it get to you, just be thankful for their support.

Some support for you would be great now, especially with your baby on the way. Try Al-anon and meet some people face to face who are going through what you are.

Dale D.

Welcome there is an entire chapter in the big book devoted to just the sort of problems you face, To Wives. Give it a read for some solutions, but remember this disease affects all that come into contact with it, not just the drinker. There is help for you and your family, you have taken an important first step in reaching out for help, now it is going to take action on your part. We are never alone, keep seeking and the answers will come.

God bless.