ScottFromWI

We are all addicts too, even the ones that have stopped using/drinking. We will always be addicts, but we have the power to choose sobriety too. It is not easy, but it is possible and well worth it in my opinion. You are no different and have that choice to make if you want it enough.

sugarbear1

Talk with your doctor, coke and alcohol is a recipe for a heart attack....


please detox safely!

Kero

Others can give you specific advice, I can only offer one piece:

When you wake up in the morning feeling awful... life doesn't have to be that way. There's a better way. For me, I was able to function for awhile, then eventually the hangovers just got so bad that I couldn't even get out of bed. My body just threw up a white flag and said "no more". Finally my brain caught up to the rest and agreed.

Wastinglife

Welcome Denver. For a good 2 years, I was drinking a 5th of vodka everyday. More on weekends. Also did coke and weed on weekends. I became physically dependent on alcohol sometime during this period. I would experience withdrawal symptoms at work sometimes and I needed to skip off at lunch for a couple pints just to get my hands to stop shaking.

During this time, I went through several brutal detoxes/withdrawals. I was ignorant of alcohol withdrawal syndrome and just thought it was the flu or a bad hangover. However, when I was having visual and auditory hallucinations, I knew something else is at play here.

With the amount you have been drinking, you are at serious risk for severe withdrawal symptoms. Seizures and stroke are possible. Everyone is different but if you decide to detox on your own, you must be prepared to seek out medical attention if things get bad.

Anna

Welcome, and I hope you change your mind and decide to stop drinking.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse unless you stop.

I think everyone here has tried moderation. I spent most of a year determined to moderate my drinking and it just got worse.

We're here for you if you decide to stop drinking and to recover.

fini

dr,

yeah, the prospect of never drinking again was unfathomable to me for a long time. except for those moments when i wanted to revolutionize my entire life and was desperate to never drink again.

turns out knowing i'm done is a great relief. and much easier than any and all attempts to moderate.

no experience here with successful moderation. i can't, it turns out, and i don't want to. but even if i wanted to, i couldn't. i checked. a gazillion times.

if you want to look into moderation, check out Moderation Management. you can just google it.

if you want to quit, in Denver you have AA meetings and Lifering meetings and maybe SMART.
you can google all these and check out their various approaches for staying clean and sober and support.

lots of options.

EndGameNYC

Hey denver.

You've so far settled for being only "effective" at work, having "diluted" cocktails before work, the idea that it's okay to continue drinking after a few days of dry time, and then threw in some questions about moderating your drinking along the way. How much more are you willing to compromise before alcohol becomes the center of your life if, in fact, it isn't already?

You are experiencing what RobbyRobot refers to as "sobriety ambivalence." (Hey Robby.) Most people who've begun to acknowledge the adverse effects of their drinking don't also automatically carry a commitment to stop by virtue of the knowledge that their drinking is self-destructive. I don't know of anyone who was 100% committed to sobriety while they were still drinking. You're concerned enough to think about quitting, but you're also "concerned" enough on the other side of the debate to continue drinking.

It took me at least four months after putting down the drink to do anything meaningful about achieving sobriety, and for several months afterwards I still wanted to and expected to resume my drinking. I had no obvious motivation to stop after I first put down the drink, and certainly no incentive to do so while I was still drinking. Given that detoxing and early sobriety are decidedly unpleasant processes that jolt us violently out of our way of being, it's amazing that anyone stays sober.

Put down the drink first; find your motivation to stay sober afterwards. As long as you continue to drink or hold your drinking in such high esteem, any motivation to achieve sobriety will be forever muted, taking a back seat to the ever-decreasing "magic moments" that we experience while drinking. To say nothing of the often quickly mounting losses that we learn to tolerate. Until it's too late.

KarenSmith

Hello denverresident, Man you are in deep. A gram and a half of coke and a fifth this evening and you don't see much of a problem? Coke is a nasty mistress to be messing around with. And drinking that much every day it sounds like you are on the road to major destruction. My guess is that you are on the younger side of 50 and you are getting by with the grace of a (formerly) healthy young body. That will not last forever. This addiction is progressive and you have already gone pretty far down the road. If you aren't ready to quit, at least start educating yourself on the effects of alcohol on your alcohol and your brain. The fact that you came to SR means you are starting to realized that you have a problem. Good luck to you.

Nofearnobeer

Awesome Post Endgame! Thank you for sharing that well written perspective..!