Axiom

I went to an AA meeting tonight and was feeling very awkward with the group that was there. It was in a neighborhood were I had bartender for years. I saw quite a few that had been in and out of places were I worked for years. When it was over I just wanted to get out of there. I was stopped by a man who was asking a lot of questions. I am aware he was trying to be friendly but I felt cornered. I don't know if it was from years of Bartending and telling tales to people or alcoholic brain or just a massive defect but I lied answering his questions. I tried to just say goodbye and leave but he kept talking and I kept lying. I feel so guilty, I felt like I was spinning on my way out the door.

I am going to a meeting at the same place on Sunday and I think I have to admit to the group what I did. This is giving me a lot of anxiety. I don't know why just I felt trapped and something kicked in.
I haven't been working the program, I don't have a sponsor and now I want a drink. =(

I do want to be an open and honest person. I really don't know why I just did that.

Sorry for the ramble, I needed to get that out.

If anyone has any suggestions or opinions about this I would love to hear them.

It's day 70 today and was feeling good. Now I am all over the place.

Thanks.

Anna

It sounds like you felt anxious and cornered when this man approached you and perhaps he was asking too many personal questions? I guess the thing to do would have been to say 'Thanks, but I can't talk right now'. I understand that lying is upsetting because for me lying was part of my drinking and it had to stop. That doesn't mean that you needed to let this person corner you and ask things you weren't ready to speak about.

Try to be kind to yourself about this.

Soberwolf

Hi Axioms dont panic your on day 70 bud thats awesome

Try this for the cravings http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Maybe you were caught off guard maybe it was nerves & fears maybe it being the old area you used to bartend in

The important thing is your sober you dont have to talk if you dont want to and if you felt cornered maybe next time be more assertive you shouldnt ever feel cornered at a mtn

hang in there Axiom

tomsteve

Pray to yer HP for help.
Pck up the phone and call your sponsor and/ or others in recovery.
Pray
Read the BB.
Make another call.
Pray.
Read the big book.
Get to a meeting.
Pray.


Fear. What ya did was probably a reaction you have done a jillion times when confronted with a situation like that and it's gonna take T.I.M.E. to get past that. Working the program will help you learn exactly why.
You want to be open and honest, see ya made a mistake, want to correct it, and don't want to have that same mistake happening again.
Awesome!
So, stop kikin yerself in the ass.
And IMO it would be wise to put into action some of the suggestions above.

Turtle82

I agree with everyone about it being an old, familiar, defense ... we all fall back on those when we're stressed including wanting to drink.... and I think you've already learned from it. Don't make it worse by drinking. I don't see that its necessary to say anything to the whole group as you didn't lie to them if I understand correctly. If you run into that man again, you may want to apologize to him but if you do so, keep it brief and only say what you're comfortable with if. If you don't feel comfortable with that just now, pray... its already known how you feel.

I think its just awesome you are uncomfortable about it... that's great progress!

Axiom

Thank you so much.

I already feel a bit better. I am home with dinner and some tea. I skipped lunch and haven't been sleeping well.
Still feel guilty but definitely not going to drink.

I really appreciate this site and am so thankful I found it.

awuh1

The "wrong" you committed was against the person you lied to. Tell him you lied. Do this just before that next meeting if possible. Ask him how you can make it right.

I would not be specific with the group about what you told that man, its irrelevant. Perhaps just say that you told this individual a host of lies last week and to please disregard anything he may have passed along.

There is an interesting story on page 80 of the book. Your dilemma reminds me of it.

You can make it right, and I believe there just might be some spiritual growth that results.

tomsteve

and this is why I say quit kikin yerself in the ass. Why?
A bad person wouldn't care about it.
But a sick person would, so yer not a bad person, just a sick one. And there is a solution.

If yer not goin out tonite then very wise to pray, make a phone call or two,pray, and read the bb.

Dee74

I think there's some great advice here Axiom - you felt cornered and panicked. We've all been there.

It's not who I want to be anymore, and I can see you're the same - set it right and move on, mate

D