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How can I start trusting things will work out?

Old 01-09-2015, 05:29 AM
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How can I start trusting things will work out?

Day 8 - feels great! I’m very grateful to be 8 days sober again after my relapse. Very glad the worst withdrawals seem to be over. I’m thinking a lot about why I relapsed and what I can do differently this time around.

I see now that control is a huge issue for me. I had a traumatic childhood and the last few years have been filled with deaths, trauma and bad news. So I guess I’ve been trying to cope by being a hard core control freak.

So, I have two things I’m thinking about.
How can I start trusting that things will work out without me trying desperately to control outcomes?

I feel very suspicious towards the concept of a Higher Power/the Universe/God, I guess because all of the bad things that have happened. I would like to overcome this but don’t know how.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, but I would appreciate any thoughts! Have a great sober weekend everyone!
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Old 01-09-2015, 05:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Shimmering View Post
Day 8 - feels great! I’m very grateful to be 8 days sober again after my relapse. Very glad the worst withdrawals seem to be over. I’m thinking a lot about why I relapsed and what I can do differently this time around.

I see now that control is a huge issue for me. I had a traumatic childhood and the last few years have been filled with deaths, trauma and bad news. So I guess I’ve been trying to cope by being a hard core control freak.

So, I have two things I’m thinking about.
How can I start trusting that things will work out without me trying desperately to control outcomes?

I feel very suspicious towards the concept of a Higher Power/the Universe/God, I guess because all of the bad things that have happened. I would like to overcome this but don’t know how.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, but I would appreciate any thoughts! Have a great sober weekend everyone!
Hi Shimmering,

Well done on day 8 - brilliant.

When I first got sober I really expected things to be handed to me, life would miraculously be better now that drink was no longer in the equation. I quickly learned that for my life to work the way I wanted it to I had to work my ass off. When I felt I wanted a drink I went to a meeting or came on SR, when I felt low, I went for a jog or spoke to someone. Everyday I have to work for my life to be how I want it.

My destiny is in my hands, my happiness comes from me. You have to have faith in yourself.

Really wishing you well.
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Shimmering View Post
Day 8 - feels great! I’m very grateful to be 8 days sober again after my relapse. Very glad the worst withdrawals seem to be over. I’m thinking a lot about why I relapsed and what I can do differently this time around.

I see now that control is a huge issue for me. I had a traumatic childhood and the last few years have been filled with deaths, trauma and bad news. So I guess I’ve been trying to cope by being a hard core control freak.

So, I have two things I’m thinking about.
How can I start trusting that things will work out without me trying desperately to control outcomes?

I feel very suspicious towards the concept of a Higher Power/the Universe/God, I guess because all of the bad things that have happened. I would like to overcome this but don’t know how.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this, but I would appreciate any thoughts! Have a great sober weekend everyone!

Good thread!

IF you are desirous of conscious contact with a HP, perhaps consider at first simple - mechanical prayers; thy will be done, help me to understand etc.

Heard a speaker told by a sponsor to use two prayers at first: Upon awakening - he prayed " Whatever". (bring it on so to speak)

At night before falling asleep the prayer was " Enough".

Earl Hightower - maybe check him out on youtube. Well known guy in AA circles.

Glad you're here, keep working and posting - He's there, you'll find Him is you seek and want to.........
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:25 AM
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Congrats on eight days. That first week can be really hard. Good new is, you never have to have a first week again. It is up to you. Not drinking does not make life easy, but it is a lot easier then trying to figure it out with a drunk brain. I too had a rough child hood and first marriage. Thank God I also had some wonderful times too. No one promises life will be easy, but good things are happening all around us, and when we are sober we are better able to handle the bad. I feel blessed that I am sober, and nothing in life can not be made worse by drinking through it. Keep up the good work,
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:27 AM
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Over the last decade or so I have had my hind end kicked enough that I could spend the rest of my life in doubt. Yet , there's always those positive moments to lift me back up , even a few moments of light in what could have been dark gloom....

Unfortunately , life does not come with a remote control , there's no pause , forward or reverse...There's is just play , and many times , there's fast forward...

Whenever I have doubts or start losing faith , I pick up my bible and read a few sections from Matthew..This can always reset my life into perspective...

Here's a section I like:

17:20

"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "

Hang in there ...
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:38 AM
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Things ALWAYS work out. They may not work out the way we want them to, but they always work out. Now, our input positive or negative definitely has a major influence on the turn of events. While you may have problems with the concept of God or a Higher Power, the Universe is a given. Every sense that we have, every bit of science, study and rational written word support this. If one looks at the infinite Universe and all it contains it makes our individual troubles seem infinitely small. "What does not kill us makes us stronger" IF we take advantage of the event/situation, learn from it and adjust our course. Eight days is great.
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Old 01-09-2015, 06:56 AM
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It comes down to the basic fact that I can't control other people, places or events. They are going to happen whether I participate or not.

People die and I can't do anything about it. Trauma can happen and I can't control it. Bad news comes and I can't stop it.

So why worry about it all the time? The only person I can control is me. I can control how I react to life and to other people. That is really all I can do.

The rest I turn over to my HP and let him handle it. Out of my hands into his.

Have you ever gotten so frustrated you yelled "I GIVE UP". It is like that, but actually give up. Don't keep taking it back. Leave it. It is not your job to carry it around.

Worry gets us no place. It only robs us of the joy you may have in today.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:00 AM
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I definitely relate to this problem.

I was very much into control in my life. When I stopped drinking, I knew I had to let go and it was really a relief. The truth is, there is very little you can control in life, other than your reaction to things. I had to accept that life would happen around me and that I could choose how I wanted to react.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Shimmering View Post
How can I start trusting that things will work out without me trying desperately to control outcomes?
Do things always work out when you desperately try to control outcomes?

When I realized my attempts to control the outcome rarely influenced the outcome I quit wasting my effort on it.

And things are working out marvelously.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:16 AM
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Hi Shimmering,

I must echo what others have said. You can't control other people or the world around you. The only outcome you have any control over is your own. Bad things happen, and there's nothing we can do about that. But we can control how we respond to them.

On the issue of a higher power, to me you either believe or you don't. I personally could never get into that because I am not a religious person and I don't believe I can force myself to believe something that I don't. But religion and spirituality are not synonymous. I still believe that there is a force greater than what meets the eye. You can call it the universe, karma, whatever you want. But I believe it's there, whatever it is.

All you can do is work to stay sober and be the best person that you can be while you're doing it. Sometimes you simply have to trust that things will work out, no matter how impossible it seems. You just have to stay faithful.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:16 AM
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Originally Posted by GracieLou View Post

Have you ever gotten so frustrated you yelled "I GIVE UP". It is like that, but actually give up. Don't keep taking it back. Leave it. It is not your job to carry it around.
Whoa. This brought a tear to my eye. I've gotten to this point of yelling I GIVE UP plenty of times. But i don't leave it. I leave it for awhile...And i think I've got control back because i stay sober for a few months.

And then i pick it back up. And EVENTUALLY i drink over it. Again and Again.

Thanks for writing this GracieLou. It struck a chord with me.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I definitely relate to this problem.

I was very much into control in my life. When I stopped drinking, I knew I had to let go and it was really a relief. The truth is, there is very little you can control in life, other than your reaction to things. I had to accept that life would happen around me and that I could choose how I wanted to react.
This
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:23 AM
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I started out with a simple phrase that I first got from a book I'd read;

'Everything is unfolding exactly as it should'

You don't even need to think that's because of God or any divine plan. For now, you can just offer it to yourself as an assurance when you find yourself worried or anxious or feeling the need to control.

I would say that phrase to myself and then choose to let go. Sometimes I'd have to use it dozens of times in a day - but gradually I began to see that it really did work. And that helped me trust in it, and that led to MORE!!
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Shimmering View Post
I feel very suspicious towards the concept of a Higher Power/the Universe/God, I guess because all of the bad things that have happened. I would like to overcome this but don’t know how.
What if God = Your Wonderful Human Imagination? See Neville Goddard's works. He's written about how the stories in the Bible are psychological dramas played out in the mind.
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:35 AM
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,,
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Old 01-09-2015, 07:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Findingtheway View Post
I've gotten to this point of yelling I GIVE UP plenty of times. But i don't leave it.
I did that too over and over until I surrendered and waved the white flag.

It FINALLY hit me that I could not control my drinking so………I stopped trying.

And that is pretty much how I look at most things these days. I can’t control him, her, them, you…So I stopped trying.

It really is a free feeling not having to put myself into everything. If I just stay out of it, it does take care of itself and no matter how it turns out, that is how it was supposed to be. I don't need to get my greedy little hands into everything.

I still have my moments, I want what I want at times, but it is better today then it was and I can accept the outcome a better today as well.
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Old 01-09-2015, 11:42 AM
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I’m so glad I found SR! So many responses, so many ideas and tips! Thank you! I will definitely check out the authors/books mentioned, now that I have so much more free time on my hands

Several of you mentioned that we only can control how we react to things, not what actually happens. Wow, that is such an empowering thought! Never seen things that way I guess.

This thread also got me thinking about how people quite often tell me ”You’re so strong. If I were you I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. How can you handle all these hardships”. This makes me feel really bad. I don’t show a lot of emotion on the outside, so I understand why they say it. But it makes me think about the fact that I’ve used alcohol and/or pills to numb out so I could handle all the bad stuff. I know this sounds crazy but I tend to think that I wouldn’t have managed all the bad stuff sober. That thanks to alcohol/pills I made it through. I know, completely distorted thinking! But now that I’m completely sober from everything for the first time, I’m afraid how I will be able to handle if the worst catastrophe happens. Because I have no idea how to do that without numbing out. Yes, I have PTSD by the way, I guess that’s why I’m so hung up on anticipating disasters… Thanks again everyone!!
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Old 01-09-2015, 11:47 AM
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Red face Day 5

Just hoping and praying that the positive forces in my life keep me on the straight and narrow. I know the urge to drink will return but it is not here now 5 days out. Prayers for me please. I am on the verge of losing my wife, kids and house if I fail this last chance I have been given! Bless you all...
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Old 01-09-2015, 11:53 AM
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Minnechoag - congrats on day 5, that's great! Best of luck to you and welcome to SR!!
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Old 01-09-2015, 12:04 PM
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Prayers sent your way Minnechoag ....Hang in there...Congrats on 5 days!
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