Just need to vent
 

It is so hard living with my wife when I have been sober 2 months and she drinks and starts crap every time she is drunk. I am so tired of trying to do nice things for her to be crapped on when she is drunk!:headbange:headbange:headbange:

That is tough. Is she an alcoholic? Have you tried to discuss this with her when she's sober?

I feel ya. Mine quit a week after me but we still go "there". Tis hard to dis-engage when they follow you. All the time trying not to add (retaliate). Mine was especially bad when I quit--physical--I left for a week. I was not going to support my side of our demise. It really hurt her and she wanted to hurt me. None of this is pretty. The late -stage behavior is scary. We were monstrous to each other. Maybe record an episode or two and play them back to her sober (or put it on at movie time)? You may get some better tips from the Friends and Family section here. I gotta add that there is hope. We do yoga together. We separate and re-group when communication gets strained. At 6+ months we're both feeling freer than ever and willing to try new things (like going back to school, yoga). I would not know how to live sober with a drinking spouse. Ours was so entwined. I will say that when I left for that week I was prepared to stay gone to stay sober. I suppose I could have used the same resolve to stay but I didn't. I know I feel that way right now. Best wishes on this complicated issue.

I never could stay sober when my husband was drinking. It was such an irritant. I feel for you. I had to leave him..there were other circumstances though too. Talk to her when she is sober/not hungover.

Also , love your user name! My son is stationed at Warner Robbins (Air force)

I have a drinking spouse too. It ain't easy. Hang in there!

It was explained to me early on in my
recovery that when one person is sick
with addiction then it affects all persons
around them. Everyone in my family
was affected by this illness.

For me, I was the one in my family
unit sick with addiction and it was
I who entered recovery via a family
intervention. It was then that I was
fed knowledge of my addiction and
handed tools to use each day to incorporate
in my everyday affairs.

It was also suggested to me that in
order for the entire family unit to get
healthy and live healthy then each should
be in some sort of recovery program.

Programs offered to each family member
such as alanon, spouse of the alcoholic,
alateen for the children and AA for the
alcoholic.

My husband at that time did attend a few
alanon meetings enough o pick up the word
detachment and that was it. My children were
too busy with school.

Eventually, I had had enough for feeling
alone in my recovery within my marriage
due to the lack of understanding and
communication. Sadly my 25 yrs. marriage
ended a few yrs back as we all went our
on ways in life.

My addiction and recovery didn't slow
anyone in my family down. My children
grew and matured into 2 healthy, happy,
prosperous adults in life and husband and
I both remarried.

Today I am 24 yrs sober remarried and
still living healthy, happy, honest in recovery
with understanding and communication I
so desperately needed and need today.

I took care of me and moved forward in
life with a recovery program and Faith
for guidance, strength, protecting me
all along the way.

I have no alcohol in my home and my gf gave up drinking as she didnt really drink anyway

You could have a chat when shes sober raise your concerns and see if you can talk to her about this

Well done on 2 months sober retiredusaf lean on us for support you always have us bud

I am sorry that you are experiencing this, retired. Alcoholism is truly a family affair, isn't it; its ripple effects are wide.

A drinking spouse adds another challenge in our own sobriety efforts but it is possible to achieve and maintain sobriety with a drinking spouse.

Continue to put your own sobriety first and do whatever you can to not be influenced bt your wife's behaviors. Do you have sober activities in which to engage outside the home? Do you volunteer in your community?

Stay close to SR. Have you thought of attending Alanon?

I'm sorry you are going through this. It is really hard when you are stopped and your partner is not. Focus on you and walk away from your wife when she is drinking. Really, really focus on yourself. My husband recently relapsed. Still out there. It's really played a number on me and made it so hard. I started reaching out more for support. I've been practicing gratitude that I haven't started drinking in response.

I do read the threads on the family and friends thread here on SR. It's helpful and comforting to realize we aren't alone.

(((ruby)))).

That's a tough one. One has to wonder about the longevity of any relationship where one spouse uses and the other doesn't. An honest conversation can do wonders.