br0k3ns0u1

I've been lurking for a while and have a few things on my mind that I hope someone can identify with...

I started using opiates about 3 years ago after injuring my shoulder. It was only codeine, but I loved the way it made me feel - more switched on socially and generally happier.

After discovering SilkRoad, I started using IV fentanyl and later heroin. 2014 was my worst year - I used for 3/4 days in a row and then got stoned for 3/4 days in what became a continuous cycle. Even whilst using opiates, for the most part I continued to smoke weed.

I've searched for similar experiences online but without any luck...

I actually think that cannabis triggers me to use opiates. When I stop smoking weed, I feel highly anxious, groggy and irritable. I also tend to feel this way when I smoke several days in a row.

The anxiety affects my functioning and I think that weed ultimately makes me depressed and amotivational. When I smoke a lot my house gets messy, I put things off and I have mood swings at work (I don't smoke at work).

Opiates relieve the anxiety and allow me to function. I do like opiates but I appreciate the way I have been using them is not very responsible and I've probably been using them too often. I do low doses and currently my tolerance is high such that I barely get a rush and practically no withdrawal.

I quit cannabis 4 days ago - I felt **** until this morning. Last night I barely slept, had racing thoughts and a severe headache. I feel much clearer today. I did do some fentanyl today only because it was around. I didn't crave it like I have been whilst smoking weed..

I will no longer smoke cannabis and use opiates very occasionally...

I mean it's probably just me, but does anyone else follow this pattern ?

Soberwolf

Welcome Brok3n Soul youl find a ton of support here

Sobriety is the best option by far well done on day 4 no cannibis

youl find extra support on these threads aswell as here NEW! Marijuana Addiction - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Good luck & its nice to meet you

newhope01

Hello BrokenSouls,

I know when I use to abuse opiates, I liked to smoke weed as well because the cannabis seemed to potentiate whatever opiate I was using at the time.

I know that it was easier for me to quit cannabis than it was the opiates, and although I think its great you giving the boot to cannabis, I don't think I could codone the continued use of opiates.

Sometimes its best to take on one problem at a time, maybe when you are ready you can kick the opiates as well. Not always wise to take on so much in the beginning.

Be well and welcome to sober recovery.

Anna

Welcome!

I hope that you will change your mind about using opiates occasionally.

Anna

Welcome!

I hope that you will change your mind about using opiates occasionally.

Aellyce

Good decision about quitting all the drugs

This is a well-known phenomenon, albeit controversial to some extent. It's called "gateway drug theory" -- search that and you will find loads of info. Definitely not every person reacts this way, and it's known to be associated with and influenced by specific genetic backgrounds and also environment.

Marijuana is not the only drug that can trigger this phenomenon, it seems like different drugs can achieve this for different people. Nicotine (smoking) is another well-known one, and alcohol as well. Many people start experimenting with other drugs while drinking.

As for the effect of cannabis, it's quite common that it interferes with motivation and can severely damage it in some people. I don't see anything in your post that would show that it's a beneficial drug for you.

br0k3ns0u1

Thanks for the welcome guys...

Cannabis reduces dopamine levels in the nucleus accumbens which negatively affects motivation. When I smoke I lose motivation and as such do not achieve my goals. I have a very demanding/responsible career that requires me to study, take exams, attend courses, teach, participate in quality improvement projects and research, and the rest. Cannabis really affects my ability to fulfil this.

I genuinely believe I use opiates to treat the negative effects of cannabis. Specifically, opiates increase dopamine levels in various brain areas including the nucleus accumbens.

I have achieved a lot in life - I have a great career, I own my home and car... I have always challenged myself and achieved to be rewarded by dopamine which motivated me further.

I hope that by quitting cannabis I will again CHALLENGE, ACHIEVE, and be rewarded by DOPAMINE such that I don't need opiates either.

Soberwolf

I still think sobriety would give you that

You dont need opiates full stop your fine the way you are fully sober fully functioning without opiates

stick around join the threads in the links i sent bud

you can do this were behind you 110% my friend

br0k3ns0u1

Thanks soberwolf, I will stick around...

I do genuinely want to live a clean and healthy life free of drugs.

Soberwolf

Good to hear bud you have tons of support here

24/7 advice & guidance SR is truly an awesome place

Aellyce

Yes these drugs fundamentally alter how our brains process rewards by affecting the dopamine pathway and many others, and when used for a long time, the changes can remain very persistent and take a long time to change. Opiates do that, too, so as long as you take those, there won't be a very good chance for you to heal. Why it's important to stick with abstaining rather than just using less frequently.

wackybunny

I was addicted to weed for over 20 years. Way back when, when I couldn't get weed, I'd chase herion. I'd drink or take anything in the cabinet including cough medicine and T3s just to take the edge off not having weed. Weed caused anxiety when I was smoking it daily but it also caused way more anxiety when I was without it. Vicious cycle.

At one time I was physically dependant on dilaudid (for pain) but managed to wean myself off over the course of a month because I was terrified of becoming fully addicted. The physical withdrawal from dilaudid was far worse but my determination made quitting fairly easy. Quitting weed was another story, all but impossible.

I finally managed to quit weed and it was mainly because I accepted that it wasn't going to be easy and I was prepared for the difficulties and discomfort. I did not try to relieve the anxiety with alcohol or the dilaudid I still have in my cupboard (for pain emergencies only - untouched for years). If I had done that, I would not have been quitting really, just exchanging. I was quitting my ADDICTION, not the SUBSTANCE. The only way to the other side is through. I had to face the super weird feelings, misery, lethargy, panic attacks, whatever was thrown at me SOBER or I'd have never gotten to where I wanted to go.

That was over 10 months ago. The anxiety eventually disappeared and all the uncomfortable feelings went away. They were replaced by the most amazing ability to feel relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. Never before (my whole life spent as a weed addict) had I ever experienced such peace. Weed had prevented tranquility despite me smoking it solely to achieve that. Best thing I ever did!

wackybunny

I forgot to say WELCOME! Silly me. And do check out the marijuana forum if you feel like it.

FireTiger

Welcome! I am just like you, are you like me?. The drug that takes me down the fastest is alcohol. The second/slower option is opiates. I have been in and out of sobriety for almost 10 years. I had an incredible vision and clarity when I was sober for a few years. I was grateful, happy, and unbelievable ecstatic about life. Right now I'm in the same boat as you. I'm tired of being in the endless loop. It's pretty miserable. The highs aren't high enough and the lows are awful. Why can't we just find that perfect combination right? Mix the chemicals just right..

When I feel good, I want to feel better. Nothing makes me feel better than a drink, but I'm afraid to drink. I have seen the horrors of that in my life and a total loss of control. I know if I drink, I die. But I can smoke a joint and not have a problem. So I started smoking a joint. I felt good. I got high for two months. Then I figured, "hell, I can have a couple beers. If I drink while I'm stoned, then I won't need as much." Next morning, "Damn I drank to much last night. I need to cool it" ....a few days later, hmm maybe if I take some painkillers or Brew some opium tea, I'll feel better. That will help me stop smoking pot and get rid of the craving for alcohol. All of the sudden, I'm hooked on morphine. Now I need adderal because my job requires a lot of energy and focus. Now I feel better! I'll be back on top in no time. I'm getting so much done, But I'm a little jittery, maybe I'll have a drink...

This story is replayed over and over. It is an illness I have in my head. It tells me I need something to feel better. Drugs and alcohol is my solution. It used to work for me. Drinking made me the life of the party. I was bold, great with women(so I thought) and always in control. Slowly things changed...
I have a thinking problem and I'm a self centered person. All I think about is me. I rarely think about others. This was a very hard pill for me to swallow.. I thought I was the nicest guy in town. Sadly this was not true at the core.

If I accept that my malady requires a simple daily solution, and actually do it, then I'm free of the obsession to use drugs and alcohol. All that extra time building upon yourself creates a dynamic reaction. For me, I was able to achieve all of my goals and more. I was focused, energized and happy, free of fear. It is the best high in the world.

When I talk to others like me, about me, something happens. I feel a part of. I don't feel different. I would suggest going to a meeting of your choice. I prefer AA. The best part about it is free and you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Also you don't have to be sober to go, you only have to have a desire to stop. That's it! I was nervous as hell when I first went and it took me years of banging my head against the wall until I took it seriously. Tomorrow I'm going back, and I challenge you to do the same. Whenever you know there is a solution and still continue to use, it's a terrible place. I don't suggest it. There are a lot of people who go once and never use drugs/alcohol again. It's all one day at a time anyways right?

Life is good. I hope you get better!

wpainterw

All this talk about using various potions to alter dopamine levels, using one drug to counteract the effect of another drug! Doesn't there ever come a time when the sun comes out and sheds some light on reality, the advisability of doing what most computers are programmed to do, namely a procedure that enables the user to default the software back to what it was when it came out of the shop? In other words, the state of your neurotransmitters, receptors, neurons, whatever, before you began ingesting all these potions? Why not clear up your brain software and hardware, go back to where you started (In Monopoly terms "Do not pass "Go" Do not collect $100"). Sometimes if a person goes on like this he or she ends up in "Jail" and needs a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. What I'm suggesting is the possibility of going back to what Mother Nature gave you, giving up all the self meds, find a reputable and well trained doctor and depend on that person to determine what medications you should use, when and how much. If you do that you might end up owning Park Place or maybe even the Boardwalk.Then you can enter into real sobriety, start building some hotels and eventually winning the game. Maybe the key to "real life" Monopoly is to mortgage your properties wisely and only when necessary but never mortgage your self, your soul.

W.

wpainterw

P.S. Twenty six years ago, at the beginning of my long term sobriety, I came across a fellow I came to call the "Walking Drugstore". At first he seemed completely incoherent, had to be helped along by two of his friends, but after a day or two of rest and treatment, he described to me what he had been through. It seemed that over a period of time he had taken an impressive variety of drugs, some legal some illegal, and that eventually he had become completely paranoid, shut himself up in his room for days a week on end, convinced that "everyone" (drug dealers, police, etc.) were out to get him. When not hiding under the bed he would send messages out by a basket hung from his window and receive by that method food and "medications" which he would haul back in. He descried terrifying visions of being sucked into a bottomless vortex, possibly an entry to hell. Yet, it occurred to me that he was already there. In Hell I mean. I lost track of this fellow. Twenty seven years later, where is he" Did he ever manage to escape the horror?

W.

Vandermast

Hey there these experiences are very similar to my own...problem drinker..put that down its ok I can manage pot smoke to maintain for a while oh im thirsty..booze..oh theres some benzos and codeine..oh theres some crystal meth yaddah yaddah yaddah...

My head is the mosr deceitful and cunning liar I have met

Clean since xmas thank god

V

Vandermast

Hey there these experiences are very similar to my own...problem drinker..put that down its ok I can manage pot smoke to maintain for a while oh im thirsty..booze..oh theres some benzos and codeine..oh theres some crystal meth yaddah yaddah yaddah...

My head is the mosr deceitful and cunning liar I have met

Clean since xmas thank god

V

br0k3ns0u1

Thanks for sharing wackybunny - I know that you are all right. I need to stop all drugs.

My situation is quite different to most people. Let's just say I work with opiates and many other drugs. It's my job to know about drugs. I have easy access to opiates and even though I don't "need" them, I sometimes feel a huge urge to use them.

What's worse is that I seem to get so many complements when I use. I'm so confused at the moment about who I really am. I've been either high or recovering from drug use for so long now. I sometimes catch myself behaving in a way that I dislike only to realise that is the person I'm running away from.

Today I used a small amount of alfentanil. It's been the least I've used in a long while.

Having quit cannabis 5 days ago I have little desire to use when I'm busy. I've just got home and normally I would smoke a joint. Although I would like a joint, I am not going to succumb to it.

After talking to a colleague at work today I realise that I need to get to know myself, the real me... I know that most people view drug use in a negative way or it has caused some kind of huge problems. For me, it hasn't created huge problems although I know that I'm on a slippery slope and that what I'm doing is not a long term solution. On a positive note opiates allow me to be present, not thinking about the past, the future, my insecurities and whatever else. People respond to me well in that state and I need to now work out how to be like that when I'm clean. Having had this experience, it's like I know who I want to be.

I think I'm just rambling now.

I vow to quit opiates as well as cannabis today.

Thanks for the words of support and if anyone is interested I will keep you updated.

Soberwolf

Hi Brokensoul yes pls stick around and keep us updated were 110% behind you & your recovery

Well done on day 5 with no cannibis and well done on making a day 1 with opiates

so glad you decided to stick around

you can pm anytime bud spk soon

keep me updated