wackybunny

Ps. I like this
"I'm more interested in changing some of my deeply rooted coping strategies that have developed over the course of a lifetime that are not allowing me to lead a fulfilling life at the moment."
Bang on.

Dee74

It's like comparing knife wounds to bullets wounds tho, isn't it? both can kill you.

As far as addiction rationalisation goes...

I presume the injury you started using opiates for is no longer a problem.

That makes you a recreational user.

you're making rationalist arguments against stopping that use, like you like the way opiates make you feel, you think you're better on them, you don't use every day, you've never hurt anyone, and you don't get withdrawal symptoms...

There are a lot of red flags there to me....but, if you feel you have even a measure of control over your opiate use, there's nothing I can say to change your mind on that

Maybe run this by the bods in the substance abuse forum?

I wish you well

D

br0k3ns0u1

I'm of the opinion that whatever you do in life, good or bad, there is a reason behind it. As such I think it is important to rationalise and reflect on all aspects of your behaviour and not to disregard it.

So yes, I like how opiates make me feel. I can't deny that but at the same time I have stated several times, it is by no means a sustainable solution. I am not justifying continuing use and I don't know where you have got that from.

It's been just over a week without weed and everything seems so much better. Last night I slept very well and woke up feeling fresh, energetic and ready for the day. Cannabis has sucked my motivation away but already things are improving. That drain in motivation has prevented me from achieving my goals, albeit in a fairly trivial way, nonetheless, this has made me somewhat depressed for quite sometime now without me even realising. Opiates made me happy, a feeling very familiar to me, however they are a shortcut to genuine happiness that in the not so distant past I derived from achieving my goals.

Crudely, in the brain, challenging yourself and achieving produces dopamine which motivates you further. Opiates have a very similar effect whereas persistent cannabis use has the opposite.

Cannabis is so easy to discount as harmless but for me at least, using it has wasted a lot of time and caused a number of 'mental' effects. Feeling bored led me to use it, but after that I carried on because I would feel edgy all day until I got home and smoked again. This has been going on off and on for 3-4 years. Looking back cannabis hasn't done me any favours. It made me moody, lazy and lethargic, but the canna-coma is so easy to fall into.

As I have said, taking opiates really took the edge off the weed anxiety and depression but it took me a long time to work that out and rationalise why i liked using them. It's been a strange year, sedating myself with weed and picking myself back up with opiates.

The vibe I'm getting from people here is that cannabis is less harmful than opiates. My feeling for me at least is quite the opposite. I meet people almost daily that use opiates for pain management and the associated depression. These can be older women with osteoporosis who work, are mothers and grandmothers. These people represent the majority of opiate users. In my experience people that use opiates responsibly, abuse them at times but still remain functional. Clearly if you are using street drugs, are at the mercy of your dealer, do not have the financial means, and prioritise drug use above all else you will have problems. In essence this is the definition of addiction.

That definition definately applies to my cannabis use - I would put other things of to get stoned and prevent mental discomfort. I used opiates to treat this. I last used opiates 3 days ago without cannabis and I guess I felt high and not calm and not functional like i had before. Just theorising but may be that was due to excess dopamine?

Today I had many chances to get opiates but I didn't. Likewise I don't actually even feel like smoking weed.

I'm working for the next two weeks and so I think a good stratergy is to gradually increase what I do when I get home. In fact, almost naturally I've found myself reading more, cooking and paying attention to my body. Taking annual leave has been a trigger for me smoke cannabis almost constantly in the past. I still plan to go away, may be Stockholm, but when I get back I'm going to study, exercise and do some audit/project work. I know that achieving that will make me feel good about things and I might even start learning how to use Logic Pro.

To end, I think that I am most definetly a unique person, I've had to be. I've made something of myself where others probably couldn't or wouldn't. Where I have come from and what I do makes me a reflective person and that is what you see here. I hope you can see I have a handle on things and that my posts are a reflection of that... May be I should I have kept a blog or an evernote notebook or something else....

EndGameNYC

I couldn't help but notice that you've chosen to pole vault over or minimize one of your several rationalizations.

All the education and training in the world, all the generous use of scientific lexicon, all the uniqueness you see in yourself...none of this has granted you immunity from self-deception or addiction. The ability to argue oneself into an acceptable position is no great feat. We've all done it.

Your argument seems to rest on the notion that, because you started out in life from a difficult place and, in turn, achieved so much more than one might naturally expect, and that you have perfected a personally satisfying version of self-reflection, that you are thereby in a privileged position to manage your use of drugs and, ultimately, that you are better able than most to "have a handle on (these) things."

Addiction doesn't care about how much we know about the structure and function of the brain. It doesn't care about literacy or education. And it doesn't care about professional success or failure. It can't. It doesn't have a heart. Or a brain. For the same reasons, we cannot negotiate with our addictions on any level.

I don't mean to pick on you, but the fact that your denial may be more sophisticated or nuanced than the average addict will not save you. Nor will separating yourself from the rest of the pack. Just as the rest of us are doing, you're dealing with a relentless, progressive and insidious condition that cannot even express indifference to the wants, needs and desires of those of us who are afflicted.

It's been my experience that the more we attempt to distance ourselves from the power of our addictions, the less capable we are of managing them.

br0k3ns0u1

Endgame:

Again, you are misconstruing what I am saying based on your own perception and the thoughts you obsess over, and have been fed.

I frequently find myself in very difficult situations that make me question my beliefs, where my behaviours and actions really affect outcomes. I deal with life threatening conditions and major trauma in scenarios that may seem or are futile, only to be surprised. I have seen people deal with life changing injuries adapting to new ways of life. I have kept people alive that shouldn't be. These things play on my mind especially when I have to face relatives. So yes, I do reflect on things more so than most, it might not be perfect but nor do I claim this.

By saying trivial I am not 'minimising' as you put it... I'm being realistic. At risk of sounding arrogant I have managed to buy and renovate a new home, passed a difficult exam, present at a national conference, and get an amazing job in 2014. Yea sure there are other things I want to achieve and if I was t stoned I could have done more and what I did would have been much easier.

As for me saying I'm unique, well I am sure there are people who have done more than I with less but most of my colleagues even in this day are from privileged backgrounds. By having a handle I mean I am aware of the issues. Fundamentally I have within me all I need to live the life I want.

Everything you write is preachy, recycled and frankly very negative. In real life I avoid negative people at all costs...

I mean, whole 'addiction is a disease' concept is outdated and there is no compelling scientific evidence to corroborate it. I have referred alcoholics/junkies to addiction teams and had lengthy discussions with them about this. I have read journals on the topic. The disease theory is widely accepted by the public and even professionals in America (who one may say synically profit from it) but not elsewhere.

Addiction does not meet the criteria specified for a core disease entity, namely the presence of a primary measurable deviation from physiologic or anatomical norm. Addiction is self-acquired and is not transmissible, contagious, autoimmune, hereditary, degenerative or traumatic. True diseases worsen if left untreated. A patient with cancer is not cured if locked in a cell, whereas an alcoholic is automatically cured. No access to alcohol means no alcoholism. A person with schizophrenia will not remit if secluded. Sepsis will spread and Parkinson disease will worsen if left untreated.

At best, addiction is a maladaptive response to an underlying condition, such as depression or a nonspecific inability to cope with the world. Medicalising it takes away responsibility from the individual.

I'm feeling really good at the moment. I have made a choice to not use drugs and am making good progress. I'm proud of myself and I will make this successful.

As for you, well you have told me more about yourself than given me any added insight.

wackybunny

I don't know brokensoul, I'm starting to feel alienated. It's not the statement of your acheivements that risks sounding arrogant but some of the others. And no, I have no belief either way about addiction being a disease. It doesn't matter to me. I'd say go back and read all your posts. If not now then later when your mind clears even more. From what I read I would guess it's still a little foggy as some of the points don't add up. That's fine, just saying. You say you are more reflective than most and reason why. I wonder how it is that you have come to that conclusion. Experiencing medical marvels is just one way to gain reflection, there are a million others. Again though, it doesn't matter, I don't need to be convinced of this or that. Conversations can get very mixed up when they are typed, without inflection.

br0k3ns0u1

I'm just a bit frustrated with people suggesting I am justifying continuing opiate use and those same people disregarding cannabis. They are making assumptions that are simply based on their own preconceived ideas and have not considered what I have wrote.

This reflection thing has been taken out of proportion.... I deal with people when they are vulnerable. All I am trying to say is I think about what has and hasn't worked in most situations. Belive me, it is different when your actions either save, kill or upset someone. Without reflection my skill and knowledge base would not be where they are. So yea, I look at aspects of myself, find problems which may change, and then try to do something about them.

The message I'm getting from most here is something like "your/my brain has a disease and there is only one direction". Well this is not true. I have a choice in what I do and after quitting weed, things are only going to get better.

Finally, I said somewhere else that the way I feel does not represent the reality of things. What I have posted makes sense to me and that was its purpose. Instead of getting encouragement I have had private messages and posts that superfically regurgitate some form of addiction is disease theory and you are doomed.

I promised myself j would stop smoking at 30 whe I was 15. I intend to hold myself to this but also to quit drugs too.

My early posts were pretty emotional but that is what happens to me when I stop cannabis. I' much clearer already...

Anyway wacky, thanks for your erly posts, they made me feel much less alone. As for alienating you, well that was not my intention. When people make assumptions that are incorrect, it's irritating - I have been trying to explain myself but it's like trying to convince a religious person there is no God..

I think I am going to keep a daily private journal.

Thanks again and good luck with everything.....

Dee74

I honestly haven't seen anybody in this thread downplay cannabis as opposed to opiates.

The reason so many of us are focused on the opiates is simple: while you see the need to stop smoking weed, you don't seem to see the need to stop using opiates.

No conspiracy no brainwashing - just honest reactions to what you're posting.

If you want to start a daily private journal I recommend you start a blog and set your settings to private.

You won't get any feedback that way.

D
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