Arbor

I think one of the reasons that kept me drinking for as long as I did was perception. My perception of my father drinking vodka daily. The perception of my grandfather drinking scotch in the basement hiding it from his wife and family. My boss with his lavish liquor and wine collection. The romantic, warm welcoming bar and restaurant scene. The stories, the accusations, the history. I perceived all of it to be true. All of it to be right and honest. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was just like everyone else I loved and they all got along in life fine. I justified it even though it was killing me. It was then that I realized I was hooked. I drank daily because I needed it.

Perceptions a big deal. People perceive things every day, all day, all the time. For me I needed to get past those perceptions and admit my problems with alcohol. Once I did that I honestly had no choice but to use intelligence and quit.

I now look at all this as a gift. A blessing in disguise. Although it took almost twenty years I'm very glad to have figured it out at 37. One chapter closes another opens.

Turtle82

Congratulations! I agree 100% with you! I have to laugh at myself because you've said so simply what I took way longer to say in my story over in that section... perception kept me drinking and it keeps me sober.

PurpleKnight

The romanticisation of drinking was a big thing for me too, but by realising the reality didn't match the fantasy it was shown up for what it was!!

Keep pushing through Arbor!!

Soberwolf

Nice post Arbor8

SoberLeigh

Great post arbor8.

My parents made their drinking look so normal; they were high functioning. Bars, restaurants, clubs - everything looked so glamorous and normal.

So normal that it seemed normal like a rational choice to deal with stress, inadequacies - a great coping tool.

All illusions, smoke and mirrors.

My alcoholism was my own fault, though. Nobody poured the poison down my throat. I did that all by myself - no help needed.

Like you, I am so thankful for sobriety.

Soberpotamus

Perceptions are powerful, I agree, Arbor. Wine drinking, reading, writing, philosophizing, the romantic (or dingy) bar scene, the candlelit tables in the Italian restaurant, debating amongst my intellectual and artsy friends, drinking while traveling... powerful images, indeed.

And then... I "play the tape" and fast forward to reality. It was rarely a pretty sight

freshstart57

Well done, Arbor8, I like the way you have decided to frame this in your mind. It has taken me many many more years than you to arrive at that understanding, with the realization of the power of the words we choose to use. Sometimes, in some situations, there is little for us to do other than change our perception.

Aellyce

The only way we can interact with external reality is through perception, we never have access to it in any more objective way. And of course our perceptions are always influenced by our desires, in a form of wanting to justify our (often unconscious) wishes and create experiences that are in line with them and have the potential to fulfill them. This is why denial can be so stubborn, I think, and why our mental projections can be so powerful to color and alter our experience.

LBrain

I was watching a movie and the character ordered a drink. The bartender said, "That's not your usual poison."
I have heard it from friends and many times in movies or tv shows over the years. "What's your poison?" Meaning, 'What are you drinking?'

Interesting that it is an accepted expression yet it has the underlying connotation of evil attached to it.

I've also heard, "The devil made me do it" corrected to "No, the alcohol made you do it."

Glad you're on top of it Arbor.



haennie, what did you do to your hair?

Aellyce

"Last edited by LBrain; Today at 04:57 PM. Reason: haennie's hair"



Accidentally mixed some fire in the hair dye

Verte

Arbor - you're awesome. Fantastic post and thread. Challenging my own perceptions and closing the enormous gap between the goodness of what I saw versus that badness of how I felt has proven to be incredibly liberating. Big exhale.

Brain, Haennie - that's funny.

Mark1014

Good stuff there Arbor. Ready to write some new chapters myself!

so2014

Arbor, now think about the perceptions you can create for other people through sobriety. I've been fighting this for awhile now, back to day 7, but I'm doing it because I DON'T want my kids to see alcohol as glamorous or "the answer." When I was drinking, one of my kids was talking about how she doesn't want to grow up, and she said "the only good things about growing up are being able to drive and drink alcohol." Uhhh, what?!? That was not the example I wanted to be for anyone else. So maybe you will be the person that someone else looks at one day and says, "wow, that person has a good happy life, and doesn't drink. . . . maybe that's what I should do." I have definitely looked at some people in AA and said "WOW, that is who I want to be! That person has it together!" That's my new perception of sobriety.

Arbor

Changing YOUR perception Turtle to help keep you sober. Yes!

Exactly. Which probably explains why lots of people never get over it.