Back to where I was
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by Tooshabby 
More interesting and subtle - I like that.
Life changing experience, I am so glad to be in a more subtle place. It's easier to deal with what life throws at me, and less dramatic!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
You are a child of the universe….
I am sharing this poem from a thread in newcomers because I thought it was beautiful!
Desiderata (Desire)
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann
You are a child of the universe….
The other night, I was lying in bed listening to the rain hit our windows and the thunder. I thought about the storm clouds above our house, above our continent, above our planet. My mind drifted as I visualized our planet, and this little storm, I was transported, in my mind, to the space above the storm and I was looking down at the earth and how small we really are. I was transported beyond and saw the universe and looked down and could not see my little spot on earth. We are tiny, but we are meant to do great things with our lives here, and I don’t mean change the world or become filthy rich. I mean, we are to enjoy ourselves, our lives, be at peace, to have no fear, to just go with the flow.
I guess it’s no coincidence that my Day 1 was Earth Day according to my calendar. Day 98, none for me today.
Desiderata (Desire)
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann
You are a child of the universe….
The other night, I was lying in bed listening to the rain hit our windows and the thunder. I thought about the storm clouds above our house, above our continent, above our planet. My mind drifted as I visualized our planet, and this little storm, I was transported, in my mind, to the space above the storm and I was looking down at the earth and how small we really are. I was transported beyond and saw the universe and looked down and could not see my little spot on earth. We are tiny, but we are meant to do great things with our lives here, and I don’t mean change the world or become filthy rich. I mean, we are to enjoy ourselves, our lives, be at peace, to have no fear, to just go with the flow.
I guess it’s no coincidence that my Day 1 was Earth Day according to my calendar. Day 98, none for me today.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by Cauliflower
I was here about 3 months ago, thinking about what it would be like to admit that I have a problem with alcohol. I lasted 14 days when I decided that I was ok, and could handle another drink. Since then, it seems like I am drinking more! I find I am in a pattern of drinking...drink one night, sick one day, feel better one day, drink again. I am now on a sick day yet again.
I now notice that I started to rationalize my drinking over the last 3 months. I said things like, "yup, did it again! Oh Well, the past is in the past, today is a new day!" I found myself ignoring my last visit here....ignoring that 3 months ago I thought I was an alcoholic....ignoring that I once tried to quit drinking...ignoring that 3 months ago I KNEW I had to quit drinking.
I am now back and I am going to try again. I didn't tell anyone yet, I am to embarrassed to admit to anyone but myself that I have a problem. I am really going to try this time, and I know this forum will help me.
I now notice that I started to rationalize my drinking over the last 3 months. I said things like, "yup, did it again! Oh Well, the past is in the past, today is a new day!" I found myself ignoring my last visit here....ignoring that 3 months ago I thought I was an alcoholic....ignoring that I once tried to quit drinking...ignoring that 3 months ago I KNEW I had to quit drinking.
I am now back and I am going to try again. I didn't tell anyone yet, I am to embarrassed to admit to anyone but myself that I have a problem. I am really going to try this time, and I know this forum will help me.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
A few thoughts at 6 months sober:
I don't know when I will ever get used to my 9 year old telling people that I'm an alcoholic and don't drink. It's just pure unfiltered innocence at this age. I don't even try to explain, I just shrug and smile. Most people he blurts it out too just smile with that too familiar nervous laugh because they are shocked or embarrassed and have no idea what to say!
I have gone deep, and I am learning more and more that I am an important soul. I am discovering myself as a person to be reckoned with. I have a confidence that is growing and rising every day. I really surprise myself with what comes out of me, guilt free. It's guilt free, because it's me. It's not coming from me after a few glasses of wine, it's coming from the real me. Self discovery is a beautiful thing.
I am discovering a soulful me. It's really unique, and amazing at the same time. I don't know if it's natural for people to become spiritual during recovery, but as a non religious person - I don't need all the pomp and circumstance of ritual - I am accepting that there is a force greater then me, and I am graciously giving into my faith of this power. I am awake, and I am happily moving forward in hope that there is more to life then what I see in front of me. I have never felt more alive and well!
I don't feel that I need to flaunt my person. I don't need, nor crave acceptance. I am happy to be an open book to anyone who wants to know me, but I won't go out of my way for attention. I am quit happy just being me, take it or leave it. I am finding new joy in the people that I am meeting, because to me, these new friends are truly meant to be. I love discovering why these people where placed in my path.
Sobriety has sparked something in me. My creativity is flourishing. My mind is clear and focused. I am happy. Happy once again, and it's only been 6 months. If you can imagine it, you can do it. If you are struggling with your drinking you can just put it down. Go through the motions; go through the emotions, shift through them, and come out on the other side with greater joy and an unimagined clarity of your life and what you are capable of doing. I'm not talking great accomplishments that will put you on a podium, I'm talking great accomplishments that will put you on top of the world!
I don't know when I will ever get used to my 9 year old telling people that I'm an alcoholic and don't drink. It's just pure unfiltered innocence at this age. I don't even try to explain, I just shrug and smile. Most people he blurts it out too just smile with that too familiar nervous laugh because they are shocked or embarrassed and have no idea what to say!
I have gone deep, and I am learning more and more that I am an important soul. I am discovering myself as a person to be reckoned with. I have a confidence that is growing and rising every day. I really surprise myself with what comes out of me, guilt free. It's guilt free, because it's me. It's not coming from me after a few glasses of wine, it's coming from the real me. Self discovery is a beautiful thing.
I am discovering a soulful me. It's really unique, and amazing at the same time. I don't know if it's natural for people to become spiritual during recovery, but as a non religious person - I don't need all the pomp and circumstance of ritual - I am accepting that there is a force greater then me, and I am graciously giving into my faith of this power. I am awake, and I am happily moving forward in hope that there is more to life then what I see in front of me. I have never felt more alive and well!
I don't feel that I need to flaunt my person. I don't need, nor crave acceptance. I am happy to be an open book to anyone who wants to know me, but I won't go out of my way for attention. I am quit happy just being me, take it or leave it. I am finding new joy in the people that I am meeting, because to me, these new friends are truly meant to be. I love discovering why these people where placed in my path.
Sobriety has sparked something in me. My creativity is flourishing. My mind is clear and focused. I am happy. Happy once again, and it's only been 6 months. If you can imagine it, you can do it. If you are struggling with your drinking you can just put it down. Go through the motions; go through the emotions, shift through them, and come out on the other side with greater joy and an unimagined clarity of your life and what you are capable of doing. I'm not talking great accomplishments that will put you on a podium, I'm talking great accomplishments that will put you on top of the world!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by NewFighter
Oh my goodness Cauliflower, this is also my story. PLEASE for your sake, tell someone you trust. Until we admit, we have no accountability. I am STILL battling this beast after joining and being serious about it in 2011......it has only progressed and gotten to the point my family sees the problem and is supporting me and demanding I beat this. I have not acheived success, yet, but I have walked your exact situation. I support you!!! I pray that you won't go around and around with this like I have for another 4 or 5 years 
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by loulou1981
Wow, just read the whole thread, uve come so far, alot of what u describe sounds just like me, kids in bed its wine'o'clock!!!! I hope i do as well as u, u sound very happy
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
An excerpt from an article I read yesterday:
"She’s aware of the tweeting/drinking mommies. She doesn’t find it funny either. She calls it the “feminization of getting blotto,” a “Bridesmaids” culture that celebrates women getting drunk. Yet women, she says, are at a disadvantage, biologically speaking. “To be gravely affected,” she writes, quoting the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, “one does not necessarily have to drink for a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.”
When ?mommy needs a drink? isn?t funny anymore - Salon.com
Is it just me, or do you sometimes find yourself rolling your eyes at your alcohol drinking friend's facebook photos of their first glass of wine saying things like, "Awe, perfect end to a long day!" or these posts, "Glass of wine with my bestie!"
I'm posting this not because I want to think all my friends are closet alcoholics and that no one can just drink one glass of wine - In my drinking days, I was a "normie" (normal drinker) on facebook, but a complete wreck in real life.
I'm posting this, because in recovery, if we look at these facebook posts in a moment of weakness, we may truly believe our addictive voice and yearn to just be like our friends and unwind with a glass of wine at the end of a long day, or celebrate with our bff with a glass of wine while we do each others hair (ok, that last bit was tongue in cheek!) but you get it, right?
For us, we can't live that fantasy. We can never have a glass of wine to unwind, but it doesn't mean we have to walk around wound up tight, ready to explode any second. We can unwind with a bath, a deep breath, a mug of hot tea. I don't know about you, but a raging hangover never really worked to unwind after a long day.
This is something that my AV was niggling at me about recently, so I just thought I would share!
"She’s aware of the tweeting/drinking mommies. She doesn’t find it funny either. She calls it the “feminization of getting blotto,” a “Bridesmaids” culture that celebrates women getting drunk. Yet women, she says, are at a disadvantage, biologically speaking. “To be gravely affected,” she writes, quoting the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, “one does not necessarily have to drink for a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.”
When ?mommy needs a drink? isn?t funny anymore - Salon.com
Is it just me, or do you sometimes find yourself rolling your eyes at your alcohol drinking friend's facebook photos of their first glass of wine saying things like, "Awe, perfect end to a long day!" or these posts, "Glass of wine with my bestie!"
I'm posting this not because I want to think all my friends are closet alcoholics and that no one can just drink one glass of wine - In my drinking days, I was a "normie" (normal drinker) on facebook, but a complete wreck in real life.
I'm posting this, because in recovery, if we look at these facebook posts in a moment of weakness, we may truly believe our addictive voice and yearn to just be like our friends and unwind with a glass of wine at the end of a long day, or celebrate with our bff with a glass of wine while we do each others hair (ok, that last bit was tongue in cheek!) but you get it, right?
For us, we can't live that fantasy. We can never have a glass of wine to unwind, but it doesn't mean we have to walk around wound up tight, ready to explode any second. We can unwind with a bath, a deep breath, a mug of hot tea. I don't know about you, but a raging hangover never really worked to unwind after a long day.
This is something that my AV was niggling at me about recently, so I just thought I would share!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Grace Wins
Lyrics from my newest favorite song:
"Grace Wins" by Matthew West
In my weakest moment I see you
Shaking your head in disgrace
I can read the disapointment
Written all over your face
Here comes those whispers in my ear
Saying who do you think you are
Looks like you're on your own from here
Cause grace could never reach that far
But, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it's not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I'm down but I'm not out
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Words can't describe the way it feels
When mercy floods a thirsty soul
A broken side begins to heal
And grace returns what guilt has stole
And, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it's not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I'm down but I'm not out
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
For the prodigal son, grace wins
For the woman at the well, grace wins
For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins
For always and forever, grace wins
For the lost out on the street, grace wins
For the worst part of you and me, grace wins
For the theif on the cross, grace wins
For a world that it lost
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Every time
I'm living proof grace wins every time
"Grace Wins" by Matthew West
In my weakest moment I see you
Shaking your head in disgrace
I can read the disapointment
Written all over your face
Here comes those whispers in my ear
Saying who do you think you are
Looks like you're on your own from here
Cause grace could never reach that far
But, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it's not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I'm down but I'm not out
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Words can't describe the way it feels
When mercy floods a thirsty soul
A broken side begins to heal
And grace returns what guilt has stole
And, in the shadow of that shame
Beat down by all the blame
I hear you call my name sayin it's not over
And my heart starts to beat
So loud now, drowning out the doubt
I'm down but I'm not out
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
For the prodigal son, grace wins
For the woman at the well, grace wins
For the blind man and the beggar, grace wins
For always and forever, grace wins
For the lost out on the street, grace wins
For the worst part of you and me, grace wins
For the theif on the cross, grace wins
For a world that it lost
There's a war between guilt and grace
And they're fighting for a sacred space
But I'm living proof
Grace wins every time
No more lying down in death's defeat
Now I'm rising up in victory
Singing hallelujah
Grace wins every time
Every time
I'm living proof grace wins every time
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