Back to where I was
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cyprus
Posts: 53
First of all I love your user name! Cauliflower was a key food item that helped me heal my screwed up liver! Secondly all I can tell you is to try hard and go for it, do it for YOU, not for family or friends or even society, just for YOU. Good luck
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by MarioBee 
First of all I love your user name! Cauliflower was a key food item that helped me heal my screwed up liver! Secondly all I can tell you is to try hard and go for it, do it for YOU, not for family or friends or even society, just for YOU. Good luck
I found a list of superfoods that naturally detox the liver, and low and behold, under cruciferous , we find cauliflower!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Day 23
Oh, the wine reward. It’s so prevalent.
My wine drinking started as a reward for me back in the day, I would have a great productive day, and then shoot myself in the foot with a bottle of wine. Time to retrain my brain and reward myself with something else. Not sure what that will be, but it’s a major trigger. Not doing that anymore. I was thinking, well, no more productive days for me! Haha, I know it sounds silly, but I actually thought that for a second. It’s scary to think how off track I am, but it’s also a good exercise for me. I am not a stark raving mad lunatic, but I have some work to do upstairs!
The following link is to an interesting article about the age old and ever popular mommy reward.
(If the link doesn't work or is not allowed, I will cut and paste from the webpage)
Women, drinking and wine-as-reward culture - Lifestyle - The Boston Globe
Oh, the wine reward. It’s so prevalent.
My wine drinking started as a reward for me back in the day, I would have a great productive day, and then shoot myself in the foot with a bottle of wine. Time to retrain my brain and reward myself with something else. Not sure what that will be, but it’s a major trigger. Not doing that anymore. I was thinking, well, no more productive days for me! Haha, I know it sounds silly, but I actually thought that for a second. It’s scary to think how off track I am, but it’s also a good exercise for me. I am not a stark raving mad lunatic, but I have some work to do upstairs!
The following link is to an interesting article about the age old and ever popular mommy reward.
(If the link doesn't work or is not allowed, I will cut and paste from the webpage)
Women, drinking and wine-as-reward culture - Lifestyle - The Boston Globe
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
It’s Friday, and the start of the first long weekend of the summer. It will be busy around here with people, traffic, boats, and AVs, “all terrain vehicles”. I guess the more familiar AV, addictive voice, may or may not show up this weekend, but I am prepared should it rear it’s ugly head. The weather outlook doesn’t look so hot, so I will be finding ways to keep myself busy and pre-occupied with life.
An update on my daily goals:
1) Get Dressed Everyday - Done
2) Eat a healthy breakfast or green smoothy. – Done, except my green smoothy turned out rather brownish greyish this morning, but still delicious!
3) Take vitamins- Done
4) Drink at least 8 glasses of water everyday. – Work in progress
5) Have a 30 minute quick clean up plan in place to keep up with the housework. – Surprisingly, this is done!
6) Exercise – Not quite. I’ll reflect on this later.
7) Have a healthy snack ready for the after school fridge / carb cupboard raid.- cheese and crackers sounds like a good snack!
8) New hobby is a work in progress too. I pulled out all our fishing gear with the intention of making a list of what we need, then we will head to Canadian Tire to beef up our little tackle box.
I feel a cold coming on. You know that tickle in your throat feeling, and that somewhat plugged up sinus feel. I am drinking a throat calming herbal tea with lemon and honey, as well as taking 3 echinacea supplements to boost my immunity. My son has been sneezing and coughing all over the house, so my 30 minute clean up was actually wiping all door knobs, light switches and banisters with hot soapy bleach water. Kill the germs before we all get sick.
Over all I am feeling really good. The only thing that is bothering me lately is the fact that I don’t exercise. Why? I find I am still fighting with fatigue in the early afternoon, and if I don’t rest, I am in bed unable to move by 8pm. I am a smoker, but that too has to come to an end if I want to truly feel good about myself. Once I quit that, exercise should come easily to me. I used to work out everyday, and I know how good it felt, not to mention how good I looked! I don’t have to lose weight, I am 5’5 and 118lbs. I just weighed myself and I lost 5 pounds in three weeks just from not drinking wine and beer! Pretty decent weight loss for doing nothing.
With that being said, I was reading from from my recovery plan collection, and I will quote from two different documents that glared at me today:
“Enthusiasm is my daily exercise – I treasure all moments of my new life”
“Don’t confuse enthusiasm for action. Figure out what you need to do to stay sober and do it.”
So I guess, I just need to get off my rump and do it! I will tackle a 30 minute workout today, no excuses.
I am still battling with loneliness. But, it seems to be not so bad as when I was drinking. I mean, I don’t feel depressed by it, so it’s manageable. The solution is simple: be around like minded people and people who make me feel good about myself. I will figure this out, join a club or something lol. I need to get my personal home based business off the ground again, and I know that gets me motivated and happy, I have made some good friends in this respect.
Work wise, I doing good. I am more focused on the task at hand and getting much accomplished. I find myself preparing for the weeks ahead, and the busy summer months coming up. I feel like my old self again….almost. I was a rather competitive, super organized go-getter back in the day. I plan on being that person again!
Well, this is a rather long and rambly post!
Thanks for “listening” folks!
An update on my daily goals:
1) Get Dressed Everyday - Done
2) Eat a healthy breakfast or green smoothy. – Done, except my green smoothy turned out rather brownish greyish this morning, but still delicious!
3) Take vitamins- Done
4) Drink at least 8 glasses of water everyday. – Work in progress
5) Have a 30 minute quick clean up plan in place to keep up with the housework. – Surprisingly, this is done!
6) Exercise – Not quite. I’ll reflect on this later.
7) Have a healthy snack ready for the after school fridge / carb cupboard raid.- cheese and crackers sounds like a good snack!
8) New hobby is a work in progress too. I pulled out all our fishing gear with the intention of making a list of what we need, then we will head to Canadian Tire to beef up our little tackle box.
I feel a cold coming on. You know that tickle in your throat feeling, and that somewhat plugged up sinus feel. I am drinking a throat calming herbal tea with lemon and honey, as well as taking 3 echinacea supplements to boost my immunity. My son has been sneezing and coughing all over the house, so my 30 minute clean up was actually wiping all door knobs, light switches and banisters with hot soapy bleach water. Kill the germs before we all get sick.
Over all I am feeling really good. The only thing that is bothering me lately is the fact that I don’t exercise. Why? I find I am still fighting with fatigue in the early afternoon, and if I don’t rest, I am in bed unable to move by 8pm. I am a smoker, but that too has to come to an end if I want to truly feel good about myself. Once I quit that, exercise should come easily to me. I used to work out everyday, and I know how good it felt, not to mention how good I looked! I don’t have to lose weight, I am 5’5 and 118lbs. I just weighed myself and I lost 5 pounds in three weeks just from not drinking wine and beer! Pretty decent weight loss for doing nothing.
With that being said, I was reading from from my recovery plan collection, and I will quote from two different documents that glared at me today:
“Enthusiasm is my daily exercise – I treasure all moments of my new life”
“Don’t confuse enthusiasm for action. Figure out what you need to do to stay sober and do it.”
So I guess, I just need to get off my rump and do it! I will tackle a 30 minute workout today, no excuses.
I am still battling with loneliness. But, it seems to be not so bad as when I was drinking. I mean, I don’t feel depressed by it, so it’s manageable. The solution is simple: be around like minded people and people who make me feel good about myself. I will figure this out, join a club or something lol. I need to get my personal home based business off the ground again, and I know that gets me motivated and happy, I have made some good friends in this respect.
Work wise, I doing good. I am more focused on the task at hand and getting much accomplished. I find myself preparing for the weeks ahead, and the busy summer months coming up. I feel like my old self again….almost. I was a rather competitive, super organized go-getter back in the day. I plan on being that person again!
Well, this is a rather long and rambly post!
Thanks for “listening” folks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
28 days sober today. It seems like this is the longest almost-a-month month, but in a good sense.
The first 14 days went by so very, very slow. It was literally baby steps, and each day dragged. I was aware of my thoughts, trying to come to terms with my new found sobriety, fighting the urge to drink and learning how to stay sober. The very act of detoxing brought forth feelings and sensations in my mind and body that I did not notice before. Every time I logged onto SoberRecovery to check in with my April 2015 group (love you guys) it felt like I was living life in slow motion.
It’s the simple act of being more aware of your surroundings. Take for instance, the time you went on a road trip to somewhere new, and it seemed that the drive seemed longer to get to your destination then it did to return, when in fact you traveled the same exact route and the same distance. When you travel to somewhere new, you are taking in your surroundings, you are processing everything that you are seeing and hearing for the first time, and your mind and senses are kept busy. When you travel a more familiar path, you are not so focused on your surroundings, and time seems to speed up, and before you know it, you are back where you started.
It’s called self awareness. Being Present. Mindfulness. It’s something that I forget about when I am drinking. When I am drinking, time seems to move faster, the days blur into one another and I am not focusing on the day’s events. I think back to the months of heavy drinking and it’s just wasted days - no pun intended.
I am soaking in the days events now. As we move forward in sobriety, it is so important to practice mindfulness, or we can find ourselves back on autopilot and if we drift, we will slip back into our old ways. It’s something to think about, and it’s a good thing. I always thought it would draining and tiring to constantly be on, so to speak, to always be on guard about not drinking. But, now I won’t look at it as a negative, but as a positive! It is keeping me aware, and to awake to my surroundings, and it's a good thing!
The first 14 days went by so very, very slow. It was literally baby steps, and each day dragged. I was aware of my thoughts, trying to come to terms with my new found sobriety, fighting the urge to drink and learning how to stay sober. The very act of detoxing brought forth feelings and sensations in my mind and body that I did not notice before. Every time I logged onto SoberRecovery to check in with my April 2015 group (love you guys) it felt like I was living life in slow motion.
It’s the simple act of being more aware of your surroundings. Take for instance, the time you went on a road trip to somewhere new, and it seemed that the drive seemed longer to get to your destination then it did to return, when in fact you traveled the same exact route and the same distance. When you travel to somewhere new, you are taking in your surroundings, you are processing everything that you are seeing and hearing for the first time, and your mind and senses are kept busy. When you travel a more familiar path, you are not so focused on your surroundings, and time seems to speed up, and before you know it, you are back where you started.
It’s called self awareness. Being Present. Mindfulness. It’s something that I forget about when I am drinking. When I am drinking, time seems to move faster, the days blur into one another and I am not focusing on the day’s events. I think back to the months of heavy drinking and it’s just wasted days - no pun intended.
I am soaking in the days events now. As we move forward in sobriety, it is so important to practice mindfulness, or we can find ourselves back on autopilot and if we drift, we will slip back into our old ways. It’s something to think about, and it’s a good thing. I always thought it would draining and tiring to constantly be on, so to speak, to always be on guard about not drinking. But, now I won’t look at it as a negative, but as a positive! It is keeping me aware, and to awake to my surroundings, and it's a good thing!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
You have inspired me, thank you for that. I am going to make myself a to do list right now to help me commit. I am also interested to read the article you shared. Thank you. I am at Day One today, and happy to be in this journey with you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by Delilah1
You have inspired me, thank you for that. I am going to make myself a to do list right now to help me commit. I am also interested to read the article you shared. Thank you. I am at Day One today, and happy to be in this journey with you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Day 30!
I am way more focused and I am sticking to my daily tasks and getting them done, as simple as they seem, for me it is what I needed. I found that my brain fog had instilled some bad habits which I intend to brake.
Speaking of routine, I have stumbled upon a small change that seems to be working for me. I started taking my daily showers in the evenings. It may seem a small change, but in fact it’s huge. In the past, I would use the shower as an excuse to not exercise. Seriously, I would tell myself if I work out today, it means I will have to have another shower and who has time for two showers. Or, I would just put off getting showed and dressed and remain in my pj’s all day because I just may work out later and will shower then. Now, showering in the evening opens up my day to work out in the afternoon (I am not a morning person, so getting up early to exercise was never an option).
Showering in the morning also alleviates the boredom in the evenings and relaxes the grouchy feelings right out of me! I was finding that come 7pm I was getting very irritable. I found that I was tired, wired, and bored all at the same time, and taking it out on my family was just not fair. So my routine now includes a sunset walk with my dog followed by a long shower, some self pampering and care, and then either some tv or reading in my pjs.
Baby steps. It amazing me how one small change in routine can make for a better me. Change is good, and by far, the best change by far was to quit drinking!
I also wanted to talk about a dream I had the other night about my late mother. This was the first dream I had of her since she passed away 6 years ago. I welcome dreams of people who have died because to me, it’s their spirit coming to visit my subconscious, and I always wondered why my mom never came to “visit”. This dream was a little strange and very true to my current state of mind. In my dream my mother was visiting and I believe, based on my reaction to seeing her, she was acting irresponsible. She had candles lit, painting her toes (sounds innocuous enough, right?) but she was very, very drunk. I was angry with her in my dream, just as I was many times during her lifetime as an alcoholic. The dream goes on and on…but the best part was my mother coming to talk to me at what I am assuming is after some time has passed. She is drinking an orange juice and said, “I am not drinking, you must be so proud!” That was a great moment, because I was proud and so happy for her to finally quit.
I guess my mother represented my subconscious self in my dream. Or, it really was her coming for a “visit” and telling me that there is no alcoholism or addiction in Heaven!
I am way more focused and I am sticking to my daily tasks and getting them done, as simple as they seem, for me it is what I needed. I found that my brain fog had instilled some bad habits which I intend to brake.
Speaking of routine, I have stumbled upon a small change that seems to be working for me. I started taking my daily showers in the evenings. It may seem a small change, but in fact it’s huge. In the past, I would use the shower as an excuse to not exercise. Seriously, I would tell myself if I work out today, it means I will have to have another shower and who has time for two showers. Or, I would just put off getting showed and dressed and remain in my pj’s all day because I just may work out later and will shower then. Now, showering in the evening opens up my day to work out in the afternoon (I am not a morning person, so getting up early to exercise was never an option).
Showering in the morning also alleviates the boredom in the evenings and relaxes the grouchy feelings right out of me! I was finding that come 7pm I was getting very irritable. I found that I was tired, wired, and bored all at the same time, and taking it out on my family was just not fair. So my routine now includes a sunset walk with my dog followed by a long shower, some self pampering and care, and then either some tv or reading in my pjs.
Baby steps. It amazing me how one small change in routine can make for a better me. Change is good, and by far, the best change by far was to quit drinking!
I also wanted to talk about a dream I had the other night about my late mother. This was the first dream I had of her since she passed away 6 years ago. I welcome dreams of people who have died because to me, it’s their spirit coming to visit my subconscious, and I always wondered why my mom never came to “visit”. This dream was a little strange and very true to my current state of mind. In my dream my mother was visiting and I believe, based on my reaction to seeing her, she was acting irresponsible. She had candles lit, painting her toes (sounds innocuous enough, right?) but she was very, very drunk. I was angry with her in my dream, just as I was many times during her lifetime as an alcoholic. The dream goes on and on…but the best part was my mother coming to talk to me at what I am assuming is after some time has passed. She is drinking an orange juice and said, “I am not drinking, you must be so proud!” That was a great moment, because I was proud and so happy for her to finally quit.
I guess my mother represented my subconscious self in my dream. Or, it really was her coming for a “visit” and telling me that there is no alcoholism or addiction in Heaven!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
A month! Wow! Congratulations!
Love the story about the shower. It's amazing how making little changes can add up to a big one.
This is an amazing thread. Thank you so much for sharing your recovery with us!
Love the story about the shower. It's amazing how making little changes can add up to a big one.
This is an amazing thread. Thank you so much for sharing your recovery with us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
I am still going strong, and getting stronger after 41 days since my last drink.
This past weekend was my 6th without alcohol, and without the self defeating, agonizing hangovers. The mind struggle to quit is finally behind me. I am able to quiet my addictive voice with clear logic.
My relationships have improved immensely, but most important, the relationship with myself is healthy, I am more confident and realize that I am capable, I am learning to trust and to persevere. The darkness of hiding behind an alcoholic haze is lifted. Something is happening… Life is happening! My future is bright!
There is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. I may not have hit rock bottom and lost everything that was important to me, but I was not functioning. To all those with this addiction, it does get better! The struggle will come to an end once you make the decision to stop drinking and be faithful to your sobriety for the rest of your life. You will feel light as a feather and continue to live your life with nothing, absolutely nothing holding you back. Don’t get comfortable with the lie that you are a functioning alcoholic. If you are here, reading this, then you know you need to quit drinking. Do the hard work of detox, but don’t just detox your body, but cleanse your mind and heart. Go deep, and find out why you drink, then deal with it, either by letting it go with forgiveness or by seeking the help from books or from a professional, but just take charge of yourself!
This past weekend was my 6th without alcohol, and without the self defeating, agonizing hangovers. The mind struggle to quit is finally behind me. I am able to quiet my addictive voice with clear logic.
My relationships have improved immensely, but most important, the relationship with myself is healthy, I am more confident and realize that I am capable, I am learning to trust and to persevere. The darkness of hiding behind an alcoholic haze is lifted. Something is happening… Life is happening! My future is bright!
There is no such thing as a functioning alcoholic. I may not have hit rock bottom and lost everything that was important to me, but I was not functioning. To all those with this addiction, it does get better! The struggle will come to an end once you make the decision to stop drinking and be faithful to your sobriety for the rest of your life. You will feel light as a feather and continue to live your life with nothing, absolutely nothing holding you back. Don’t get comfortable with the lie that you are a functioning alcoholic. If you are here, reading this, then you know you need to quit drinking. Do the hard work of detox, but don’t just detox your body, but cleanse your mind and heart. Go deep, and find out why you drink, then deal with it, either by letting it go with forgiveness or by seeking the help from books or from a professional, but just take charge of yourself!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Day 55
I really wanted to post an update here on day 50, but I received some excruciatingly bad news that day. The death of a very close friend who was more like a brother, just rocked me off kilter for a few days, but I am ok. I don't think I will ever stop missing him, the man was a gentle soul who gave everything he had to those who needed him. He was was only 55 years old, I actually still can't believe he is gone.
I am doing well in my recovery. I am not posting in this tread often because I find that I share most of my goings on and what nots in my daily support group thread. I may just use this thread to share my progress at what I consider milestones and if I encounter some major Ah-ha moments.
Thank you all for following along, this website is a godsend, as is your continued support!
I really wanted to post an update here on day 50, but I received some excruciatingly bad news that day. The death of a very close friend who was more like a brother, just rocked me off kilter for a few days, but I am ok. I don't think I will ever stop missing him, the man was a gentle soul who gave everything he had to those who needed him. He was was only 55 years old, I actually still can't believe he is gone.
I am doing well in my recovery. I am not posting in this tread often because I find that I share most of my goings on and what nots in my daily support group thread. I may just use this thread to share my progress at what I consider milestones and if I encounter some major Ah-ha moments.
Thank you all for following along, this website is a godsend, as is your continued support!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Cauliflower
Day 55
I really wanted to post an update here on day 50, but I received some excruciatingly bad news that day. The death of a very close friend who was more like a brother, just rocked me off kilter for a few days, but I am ok. I don't think I will ever stop missing him, the man was a gentle soul who gave everything he had to those who needed him. He was was only 55 years old, I actually still can't believe he is gone.
I am doing well in my recovery. I am not posting in this tread often because I find that I share most of my goings on and what nots in my daily support group thread. I may just use this thread to share my progress at what I consider milestones and if I encounter some major Ah-ha moments.
Thank you all for following along, this website is a godsend, as is your continued support!
I really wanted to post an update here on day 50, but I received some excruciatingly bad news that day. The death of a very close friend who was more like a brother, just rocked me off kilter for a few days, but I am ok. I don't think I will ever stop missing him, the man was a gentle soul who gave everything he had to those who needed him. He was was only 55 years old, I actually still can't believe he is gone.
I am doing well in my recovery. I am not posting in this tread often because I find that I share most of my goings on and what nots in my daily support group thread. I may just use this thread to share my progress at what I consider milestones and if I encounter some major Ah-ha moments.
Thank you all for following along, this website is a godsend, as is your continued support!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
3 months!
13 weekends!
90 Days!
Looking back, I notice a pattern which I finally broke.
I first tried to quit in October 2014 and lasted two weeks, before I fell deeply into an alcoholic fog for three months.
I quit again in January 2015 and lasted a couple days and again, fell back into a pattern of self hate and depression for another three months.
I quit again in April 2015. But this time, I stayed sober!
I have come a long, long way since then. I am so grateful and so full of emotional joy for the last sober 3 months.
I was so broken and confused. I remember resenting my family for getting in my way. I wanted nothing more then to drink, but they were always forcing me to be responsible. I was an angry person, living a lie, living to drink. And at the same time, hated myself for drinking. I never ever want to go back to where I was.
Today, I am a much happier person. I am living a real life! I am on my way to a normal life where I am not bound by the chains of addiction. It has not been an easy three months, I have come face to face with falling again over and over, but I did what ever I had to do to just not drink. I think what changed for me this time is the realization that I could not possibly have one drink, I realized it was never an option for me to just stop at one.
To all who are struggling, it is possible to quit. It’s not necessary to have alcohol in your daily life. Find a way to quit, find a reason to quit, and just don’t take that first drink.
I could not have done this without Sober Recovery. I am grateful to have this forum and to all of you faceless people out there who give unending support to folks like me. I will not drink today! I am never drinking again!
13 weekends!
90 Days!
Looking back, I notice a pattern which I finally broke.
I first tried to quit in October 2014 and lasted two weeks, before I fell deeply into an alcoholic fog for three months.
I quit again in January 2015 and lasted a couple days and again, fell back into a pattern of self hate and depression for another three months.
I quit again in April 2015. But this time, I stayed sober!
I have come a long, long way since then. I am so grateful and so full of emotional joy for the last sober 3 months.
I was so broken and confused. I remember resenting my family for getting in my way. I wanted nothing more then to drink, but they were always forcing me to be responsible. I was an angry person, living a lie, living to drink. And at the same time, hated myself for drinking. I never ever want to go back to where I was.
Today, I am a much happier person. I am living a real life! I am on my way to a normal life where I am not bound by the chains of addiction. It has not been an easy three months, I have come face to face with falling again over and over, but I did what ever I had to do to just not drink. I think what changed for me this time is the realization that I could not possibly have one drink, I realized it was never an option for me to just stop at one.
To all who are struggling, it is possible to quit. It’s not necessary to have alcohol in your daily life. Find a way to quit, find a reason to quit, and just don’t take that first drink.
I could not have done this without Sober Recovery. I am grateful to have this forum and to all of you faceless people out there who give unending support to folks like me. I will not drink today! I am never drinking again!
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