Leila88

Hi Everyone! I'm just hoping to reach out and get some support from people who have similar experiences/problems. I guess I'll start by explaining a bit about myself.

I'm a 26 year old woman, who's been struggling with depression/anxiety for about as long as I've been drinking. Which is approximately 12 years. I also have ADHD. I used to use drugs as well but have not in a long time. I'm a binge drinker. I go through fazes where I'm binge drinking multiple times a week/month or sometimes I'll go weeks without a drink.

I can sometimes have just a drink or two and be fine, but other times if it's there, I'll drink it until it's gone or until I black out.

I'm usually the life of the party and pretty entertaining for people when I'm drunk, while when I am sober I am not very outgoing. I do like being funny to people but I realize that I'm funny sober, too.

I've tried to regulate the amount I drink but a lot of the time I get a few in me and I get revved up, things are exciting and I just keep going. To the point where I'm chugging drinks sometimes. I honestly don't even see the point in drinking unless it's to get drunk. I really don't understand why bother. Maybe that's part of my problem. Does anyone understand it?

I've made a lot of stupid mistakes and made an ass of myself plenty of times. I want to get out of this cycle of binge drinking and trying to recover from multiple day hangovers and embarrassing stories of myself when drunk. I'm hoping that it will help me feel better mentally even though I don't often have a drink every day. Does anyone have any feedback on this particular point?

I also want to stop hating myself. I know it's a vicious cycle that goes hand-in-hand with my drinking.

Soberwolf

Welcome Leila yes i too drank to get drunk i understand completly

Youl find so much support here and its nice to meet you

You dont have to hate yourself you have us to lean on for support 24/7

Im 32 ive been sober v.near 18 months and its the best option by far

there will be tough days but there wil be days where youl be so happy & free to be you

im glad i broke them chains you can too my friend

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here for getting sober for good. I hope we can help you get sober. It takes some effort but it's worth it.

Anna

Welcome, Leila. Many of our members are binge drinkers and have found that stopping drinking is the way to go. I hope you join us.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Leila, to SR.

You can break the cycle; itall startsbwith not picking up that first drink; we are here for you; lean on us. Post when you feel triggered; there is always someone here.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Leila - being a part of this community really helped me - it gave me focus, it stopped me from rationalising away my problem, and more than that, it gave me support.

SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too

D

mns1

Hello Leila, I thought it was interesting reading your post.

I am 28 and it was two years ago I was your exact age that I decided that my drinking was a serious issue and I started making efforts to abstain from it.

In that time I started thinking a lot about the nature of alcohol and how it became such a big part of socializing and human life in general. I too wondered if there was any more point to it than simply getting drunk and "numbing the senses". I do have several friends who are into the whole craft beer thing, sampling different types of beer and they seem to really enjoy it. I suppose I get that. But I ultimately came to the conclusion that alcohol does absolutely nothing for anyone. Yes, there is research that shows nutritional benefits when consumed in moderation. But to me those studies just confirm our cultural obsession with alcohol. It's like we are giving people excuses to consume it on a regular basis. But to me it is ultimately a toxin and toxins damage our bodies.

I do know that all it ever did for me was lie to me and blind me to the truth. I don't need it. I never needed it. And neither do you.

To me it seems like your drinking is producing a negative self-image. To me this is an example of how it blinds us to the truth. You are not a bad person. Don't let any mistakes in the past define who you are or where you go from here. Forgive yourself and be the person you want to be.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Leila!!

Wastinglife

Hi Leila. I could be the male version of you. I am a massive binge drinker and also am diagnosed ADHD. It's a terrible combination. Poor impulse control and executive functioning in the brain is bad enough, but add alcohol/drugs to mix and you get complete destruction.

I was undiagnosed until I went to rehab at age 34 so I medicated my ADHD with alcohol most of my life. I am on adhd meds and see a therapist since rehab but have had a few relapses. I struggle with day to day life as an adhd sufferer but alcohol makes me a raging lunatic. I am one year sober with the help of cognitive behavioural therapy. Have you tried CBT?

Cecilia44

Hi Leila and welcome to the forum! I too am a binge drinker so I understand where you are coming from. If you are drinking to get drunk, that is a red flag.

Sounds like you are ready to quit. You'll find a ton of support and help here.

Glad you're here with us!

MLD51

Leila your story sounds a lot like mine. I went a long time thinking I wasn't an alcoholic because I could go days without drinking, or at times socialize with one or two and stop. But the binge drinking got more and more frequent and the stupid stuff I was doing was getting more and more ridiculous and embarrassing and dangerous. I had tried so many times to moderate and even quit on my own, to no avail. Admitting to myself that I'm an alcoholic and that I need help has been so freeing. I've been sober for 32 days now - it gets easier every day. You will find great people here who can help you if you decide to stop for good.

JanieJ

Welcome, Leila

You' ll find tons of support here.

Glad you joined us !

midnightapt

You sound a lot like me. I am 28 and I quit drinking not long after I turned 24. I was strictly a binge drinker, often the life of the party and also often doing lots of dumb things. I never really had a serious problem with other drugs although I tried lots of them. I also dealt with depression throughout my teenage years and early 20's. I was also very outgoing as a drinker, but almost always stayed in while sober.

And I definitely saw the only point of drinking as to get drunk. Sometimes I hang out with friends who will drink 1, 2 or 3 beers and then call it a night. I know if I started drinking I wouldn't want to do that, which is obviously even more reason to not be a drinker.

I finally accepted that there was no end in sight to making dumb mistakes while drunk, even if I only got really smashed once or twice a month. I decided to cut my losses, and since then I am pleased with the fact that I have virtually nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for anymore. I'm confident you would feel the same way if you quit drinking today.

Leila88

Thanks for the support everyone. I really appreciate it. It's nice to have some people that understand what I'm trying to deal with.

I think that drinking definitely does produce a negative self-image of myself. I'd like to start healing. I've been reading about the 12 steps and thinking that that might be a good thing to do. I realize that I've been holding onto A LOT of stuff that I thought I'd let go of. Thinking about things I may have to write down that I'm holding onto, or things I may want to make amends for is a scary thing. I would love to be at the point where I don't have to worry about any of that stuff anymore.

I have tried CBT and am seeing a psychologist which is definitely great, but until recently I didn't think that I actually had much of a problem with alcohol. I realize now that I've just been replacing one addiction/stimulation with another, for years.

Have any of you done the 12 steps? What was your experience?

MLD51

I'm just getting started in AA and so far it's great for me. The steps look scary, but with all the support you get it becomes less daunting. I have a great sponsor who is helping me a ton. I'm starting step 4 - the searching fearless moral inventory. Fearless, my a**. Scary to dredge that stuff up. But... It's all crashing around in my head and torturing my psyche anyway, so getting it out and on paper is helping a lot. Waking into a first meeting may seem difficult, before you actually do it. I felt welcomed and like I "belonged" right away. I love going to meetings. I learn so much from everyone. So I say give it a try. You don't have to say anything at all if you don't want to. It's totally up to you what you want to share. Might help to go with someone you know, if you have such a person in your life. Come back and let us know how it goes!

DefconOne

Binge drinking is dangerous. I read today that 6 people a day die of alcohol poisoning in the USA.

Read more:
Mostly Middle-Aged Men Die of Alcohol Poisoning

matilda123

Welcome!

Binge drinker too. Older than you (by about 20 years) and can attest that it gets progressive. I, too, was the life of the party, had lots of fun (or so I thought). But as the years progressed, the anxiety really started to increase, and the drinking no longer helped. I've learned that is in part because the alcohol was exacerbating the anxiety, which I was then treating with more drinking. A truly vicious cycle.

So fantastic that at 26 you're taking steps towards sobriety!!

headcase1

I could have written your post.You're lucky to realize your problem at a young age.You can avoid all the embarrassment & disappointment I endured until age 52.Wow,my life would have been so much happier!

Kg1015

Hello Leila,

It sounds like we have a lot in common. I just turned 30 and am also a binge drinker. I have also done so many things that I terribly regret, and am experiencing my share of self-loathing. I'm on day 3 - how are you now? Did you try AA?