Last Chance Saloon
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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See?
Lots of wisdom and encouragement here and has been a blessing to me. I started drinking when I was your age. I had to have many tries. Don't stop trying, please. No matter what. Yes, I lost it all at least two times...so you can come back. Come back!
Lots of wisdom and encouragement here and has been a blessing to me. I started drinking when I was your age. I had to have many tries. Don't stop trying, please. No matter what. Yes, I lost it all at least two times...so you can come back. Come back!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Hi gang.
Took a break from here last night, I was wore out. And once I started seeing the quality of responses, I was a bit overwhelmed to be honest!
All of you are very thoughtful and considerate, and I appreciate every little detail. Honestly, I was not expecting that. It also made me realize,
I think most people at their core would rather lift a person up than put them down wherever possible, and there is a glimmer of hope in that for me.
I'm the same...
Even that guy who came on here last week and cussed a lot of us out for example; Now I'l admit, my initial reaction was that I wanted to flame this mo-fo (his language!), I even had a picture picked out and was ready to hand him himself, but I took a step back and I thought about it. You know, no matter how ungrateful or angry he seemed, there was probably a lot more to that guy's story than what he had revealed to us or what was offending me. Anyway, I took the rational approach and we managed to make him come around, off he went happily enough (feeling like an asshat no doubt) and I felt good about it. I'm sure we all did, it was funny even.
So…
@Scott and others, you are exactly right - the honesty I'm seeking should start with myself, and thats basically where I'm at right now. And its exhausting! I am literally kicking myself for being so fixated on what I could not have, that I was willing to pay no attention and lose what I actually did have... The term 'Cant see the wood for the trees' comes to mind, I never knew what it meant before. And I am almost about ready to laugh at myself, which can only be a good thing! What an idiot...
@SoberLeigh and others. Well I actually did go to a couple of AA meetings over a year ago at the behest of others. I was drinking and in denial at the time, so you know what that means. And its the same for counseling, think I been to one appointment. Again, drinking and very angry at this particular time, I'm sure it done me more harm than good tbh. Also met with an addiction counsellor right after I split with my long term g/f. Well, she agreed that I was self medicating and said I didn't need to come back. I of course took this as a free pass to act out as I pleased, in hindsight now it might have had more to do with the ten or so pints I consumed before the meeting… I want to get more sober time behind me again before i consider those options to be honest, I'm definitely open to them for once though. I will look at those links you provided me today.
Look I could go on and on as some of you will have noticed, so I'm not going to reply to you all individually as this post is getting long already. I do want want you to know that each of your comments did make a difference, I mean they are all very genuine. I'm totally bowled over so thanks for that.
Took a break from here last night, I was wore out. And once I started seeing the quality of responses, I was a bit overwhelmed to be honest!
All of you are very thoughtful and considerate, and I appreciate every little detail. Honestly, I was not expecting that. It also made me realize,
I think most people at their core would rather lift a person up than put them down wherever possible, and there is a glimmer of hope in that for me.
I'm the same...
Even that guy who came on here last week and cussed a lot of us out for example; Now I'l admit, my initial reaction was that I wanted to flame this mo-fo (his language!), I even had a picture picked out and was ready to hand him himself, but I took a step back and I thought about it. You know, no matter how ungrateful or angry he seemed, there was probably a lot more to that guy's story than what he had revealed to us or what was offending me. Anyway, I took the rational approach and we managed to make him come around, off he went happily enough (feeling like an asshat no doubt) and I felt good about it. I'm sure we all did, it was funny even.
So…
@Scott and others, you are exactly right - the honesty I'm seeking should start with myself, and thats basically where I'm at right now. And its exhausting! I am literally kicking myself for being so fixated on what I could not have, that I was willing to pay no attention and lose what I actually did have... The term 'Cant see the wood for the trees' comes to mind, I never knew what it meant before. And I am almost about ready to laugh at myself, which can only be a good thing! What an idiot...
@SoberLeigh and others. Well I actually did go to a couple of AA meetings over a year ago at the behest of others. I was drinking and in denial at the time, so you know what that means. And its the same for counseling, think I been to one appointment. Again, drinking and very angry at this particular time, I'm sure it done me more harm than good tbh. Also met with an addiction counsellor right after I split with my long term g/f. Well, she agreed that I was self medicating and said I didn't need to come back. I of course took this as a free pass to act out as I pleased, in hindsight now it might have had more to do with the ten or so pints I consumed before the meeting… I want to get more sober time behind me again before i consider those options to be honest, I'm definitely open to them for once though. I will look at those links you provided me today.
Look I could go on and on as some of you will have noticed, so I'm not going to reply to you all individually as this post is getting long already. I do want want you to know that each of your comments did make a difference, I mean they are all very genuine. I'm totally bowled over so thanks for that.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
I want to add as well - I'm not quite sure what I meant yesterday by 'giving up'
I wasn't talking about having a drink! Those days are over, I know exactly what would happen anyway. I would have a few, get a buzz, have a lot, keep going until theres no more. Convince myself in the process that i am right and everyone else I love must be wrong (doesn't matter what about), blare some tunes out. If I am particularly blotto then get on the spacebook, post either an angry rant or a sad song (or vice versa), basically f*ck you to anyone who will listen, and mostly myself! And then fall about the place thinking I'm cool for a while, might end up breaking something seems to be a trend. And then wake up feeling terrible wondering what I had done and how bad is it, followed by a week in bed.
I did exactly that for years! What a load of codswallop, a not-so merry go round...
It aint gonna happen anymore, I'm firm in my resolve in that and at least now I have found people that understand, that behavior is not gonna solve any problems in fact it has made them hella worse. Neither was implying there suicidal thoughts, which might be construed. No way man, I have come too far spiritually and philosophically (though not as far as I'd like) to consider that now, though I have nothing but empathy for people who have found themselves in that headspace before too.
I was talking about the whole 'love, peace and happiness factor' (honesty/security). Well this I agree may take time, and its ever relevant and evolving I know. And as Flyn said "as long as you are above ground you have a chance". It's funny you should say that Flyn man, its the exact same thing I have been telling myself for 6 months. And after that, who knows. 'The Law of Pure Potentiality' and all that. I love the quote you posted too dude, how true is that. Cheers!
As for distractions and the like, yep. I am gonna allow myself those for another while, as long as it takes basically and I am early in. The A,B,C song game, I really like that one as it forces me to look through my library and get a few songs going, it's also nice to click on what others are listening to sometimes.
Thats all folks. In much better better form than yesterday, its in no small part to your good selves so once again... Thanks a lot
I wasn't talking about having a drink! Those days are over, I know exactly what would happen anyway. I would have a few, get a buzz, have a lot, keep going until theres no more. Convince myself in the process that i am right and everyone else I love must be wrong (doesn't matter what about), blare some tunes out. If I am particularly blotto then get on the spacebook, post either an angry rant or a sad song (or vice versa), basically f*ck you to anyone who will listen, and mostly myself! And then fall about the place thinking I'm cool for a while, might end up breaking something seems to be a trend. And then wake up feeling terrible wondering what I had done and how bad is it, followed by a week in bed.
I did exactly that for years! What a load of codswallop, a not-so merry go round...
It aint gonna happen anymore, I'm firm in my resolve in that and at least now I have found people that understand, that behavior is not gonna solve any problems in fact it has made them hella worse. Neither was implying there suicidal thoughts, which might be construed. No way man, I have come too far spiritually and philosophically (though not as far as I'd like) to consider that now, though I have nothing but empathy for people who have found themselves in that headspace before too.
I was talking about the whole 'love, peace and happiness factor' (honesty/security). Well this I agree may take time, and its ever relevant and evolving I know. And as Flyn said "as long as you are above ground you have a chance". It's funny you should say that Flyn man, its the exact same thing I have been telling myself for 6 months. And after that, who knows. 'The Law of Pure Potentiality' and all that. I love the quote you posted too dude, how true is that. Cheers!
As for distractions and the like, yep. I am gonna allow myself those for another while, as long as it takes basically and I am early in. The A,B,C song game, I really like that one as it forces me to look through my library and get a few songs going, it's also nice to click on what others are listening to sometimes.
Thats all folks. In much better better form than yesterday, its in no small part to your good selves so once again... Thanks a lot
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
For what it's worth....
I spent over a decade avoiding going back to AA and figuring that I could just get more sober time on my own.
I wish I'd integrated AA and counseling sooner, but I'm grateful I finally did because after more than a year of working on it, going to AA, working steps, actively working on myself in counseling.... Life is a lot better.
I spent over a decade avoiding going back to AA and figuring that I could just get more sober time on my own.
I wish I'd integrated AA and counseling sooner, but I'm grateful I finally did because after more than a year of working on it, going to AA, working steps, actively working on myself in counseling.... Life is a lot better.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
For what it's worth....
I spent over a decade avoiding going back to AA and figuring that I could just get more sober time on my own.
I wish I'd integrated AA and counseling sooner, but I'm grateful I finally did because after more than a year of working on it, going to AA, working steps, actively working on myself in counseling.... Life is a lot better.
I spent over a decade avoiding going back to AA and figuring that I could just get more sober time on my own.
I wish I'd integrated AA and counseling sooner, but I'm grateful I finally did because after more than a year of working on it, going to AA, working steps, actively working on myself in counseling.... Life is a lot better.
It's worth a lot FreeOwl, and your first comment was very meaningful. I didn't get much further than that last night before I had to lie down! I hear what your saying but, I am only 2 weeks in. I do not want to go back to these people with my head all over the place still. It would be counter-intuitive, my record is already pretty bad by now, very bad. But I do indeed once fully sober have to set the record straight, its very important.
To anyone that I didn't mention by name, I just want to say that your post was probably the most moving! I am literally left speechless by some of them, I don't know what to say. It could be the whole intimacy issue factor but, I just picked out a couple of points that I could respond to easily.
Everything else I have read I'm literally lost for words...
So seriously, thanks to each one of you and you know who you are…
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hi Stratman, that was a good honest post which is an awesome start. As you have seen from the replies age is not really the issue here. What is important is that you have to be 100% committed to your decision because t takes a lot of work to get sober and stay sober but you can start with not drinking today or tomorrow.
I am 53 days sober after drinking non stop for 27 years. Two months ago the longest dry period I had in 27 years was two days. So what changed?
1) a realisation that for 99%+ of the people on this site moderation will not ever work. You need to stop drinking now and forever. Never again. Not even one beer.
2) a realisation that if I did not stop drinking it would kill me. Not cause problems in my life or be frustrating or make me ill but KILL me.
That is a very different decision than a half hearted decision to stop drinking or reduce or control your drinking. If you are read to rebuild your life around being sober and put this as the central goal of your new life then 100% you can succeed and live a long and fruitful and happy and peaceful life. Good luck!
I am 53 days sober after drinking non stop for 27 years. Two months ago the longest dry period I had in 27 years was two days. So what changed?
1) a realisation that for 99%+ of the people on this site moderation will not ever work. You need to stop drinking now and forever. Never again. Not even one beer.
2) a realisation that if I did not stop drinking it would kill me. Not cause problems in my life or be frustrating or make me ill but KILL me.
That is a very different decision than a half hearted decision to stop drinking or reduce or control your drinking. If you are read to rebuild your life around being sober and put this as the central goal of your new life then 100% you can succeed and live a long and fruitful and happy and peaceful life. Good luck!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Well Ubuntu man, thanks. No ageism here either.
Yes I am committed 100%, for the first time ever. You know, I have never even thought about it like this before. I have really seen over the past 6 months how drink can alter my mood (to three different degree's). To be honest it's the first time that I have ever seen it. Fair enough, some people have told me all this, it aint the same as seeing it for yourself though. It's a vile drug. I'm ashamed of myself to be honest, yet there is always a reason why someone becomes alcoholic in my experience. Usually to hide some hurt or pain.
53 days is a good beginning. Congrats for that. I'm the same as you there, not even fooling myself with it anymore. And its the first time I ever thought like that too. I thought my drink problem would eventually 'go away' and i'd be normal like everyone else. I'm just accepting that to not be the case. I don't even like it no more, you just end up trying to postpone the WD's the whole time. And generally being a douche.
As for your second point. Yep I agree. If not for the drink that would kill me, then some f*cker who is sick of listening to me I'l bet. Or even myself eventually. And it aint even funny none of that. I'm with you on that. Life is important as it gets.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. No I aint waxing philosophical here, I did all that before - the half hearted decisions/ the cutting down etc.
I've already made my decision. I feel better already for it i believe. I can't feel much worse than i did when i was drinking all day
And good luck with your journey too. We have a good resource here to say the things that so often went unsaid and left us reaching for the bottle.
"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." Joseph Cambell
Yes I am committed 100%, for the first time ever. You know, I have never even thought about it like this before. I have really seen over the past 6 months how drink can alter my mood (to three different degree's). To be honest it's the first time that I have ever seen it. Fair enough, some people have told me all this, it aint the same as seeing it for yourself though. It's a vile drug. I'm ashamed of myself to be honest, yet there is always a reason why someone becomes alcoholic in my experience. Usually to hide some hurt or pain.
53 days is a good beginning. Congrats for that. I'm the same as you there, not even fooling myself with it anymore. And its the first time I ever thought like that too. I thought my drink problem would eventually 'go away' and i'd be normal like everyone else. I'm just accepting that to not be the case. I don't even like it no more, you just end up trying to postpone the WD's the whole time. And generally being a douche.
As for your second point. Yep I agree. If not for the drink that would kill me, then some f*cker who is sick of listening to me I'l bet. Or even myself eventually. And it aint even funny none of that. I'm with you on that. Life is important as it gets.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. No I aint waxing philosophical here, I did all that before - the half hearted decisions/ the cutting down etc.
I've already made my decision. I feel better already for it i believe. I can't feel much worse than i did when i was drinking all day
And good luck with your journey too. We have a good resource here to say the things that so often went unsaid and left us reaching for the bottle.
"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are." Joseph Cambell
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
Keep on keeping on.
Never say too late! It's never too late to search for freedom.
Congrats on your changed thinking, it took me at least 6 years spiralling in circles with my addiction until it got so bad for me I just KNEW I would lose everything if I carried on.
I looked back a lot to start with and didn't like what I could find so I concentrated on trying to make me feel ok.
Lots of lurking here, and reading loads of stuff online as well as distractions, after a while, when I felt comfortable with my new status I realised stuff from the past was going round in my mind.... Why me? Why did I become an addict?
I'm on a journey to discover as much about me (and other humans) as I can.
SR helps me and all these others too.
Well done & thanks
Never say too late! It's never too late to search for freedom.
Congrats on your changed thinking, it took me at least 6 years spiralling in circles with my addiction until it got so bad for me I just KNEW I would lose everything if I carried on.
I looked back a lot to start with and didn't like what I could find so I concentrated on trying to make me feel ok.
Lots of lurking here, and reading loads of stuff online as well as distractions, after a while, when I felt comfortable with my new status I realised stuff from the past was going round in my mind.... Why me? Why did I become an addict?
I'm on a journey to discover as much about me (and other humans) as I can.
SR helps me and all these others too.
Well done & thanks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Cannot believe you said this...
I'm just literally after posting in the song thread, a track that repeats the lines keep on/keep on keeping on over and over. What do you call that, coincidence or synchronicity? Cool... Cheers man. Your right, my thinking is changing. It's changing back. For years I though that alcoholic was me. I though that anyone who wanted me to change was trying to control me. I'm only start to see now how twisted and demonic that was, and to be honest its putting a lot of stuff into perspective for me. About myself and my journey.
I was off the drink for good periods last year, but a lot of it too I was dry drunk, a similar mentality. It's only recently that clouds are starting to part and I can see the old me coming through (I did notice this before my relapse too) and thank God for that. I have to say that this forum has been good in speeding that up, I'm learning about things from so many perspectives, it's helping me not to feel such a victim of my actions and how to move forward. I hear what your saying about looking back, Im doing a lot of that agin since my relapse and been moaning on here a lot. I kinda figure that will pass too, I'm early days in and I'm setting my marker to 90 days, that was about when I had a slip last year.
About 6 years here too Id say, with flashes of victory only to fall back deeper again. Perhaps it was necessary for me to lose all to built myself back up. All I can do is take small steps to happiness. I'm feeling better and clearer as the days pass, a long way to go yet I know. Thanks man, good shout. Good luck on your journey also...
Originally Posted by CelticZebra
Keep on keeping on.
I was off the drink for good periods last year, but a lot of it too I was dry drunk, a similar mentality. It's only recently that clouds are starting to part and I can see the old me coming through (I did notice this before my relapse too) and thank God for that. I have to say that this forum has been good in speeding that up, I'm learning about things from so many perspectives, it's helping me not to feel such a victim of my actions and how to move forward. I hear what your saying about looking back, Im doing a lot of that agin since my relapse and been moaning on here a lot. I kinda figure that will pass too, I'm early days in and I'm setting my marker to 90 days, that was about when I had a slip last year.
About 6 years here too Id say, with flashes of victory only to fall back deeper again. Perhaps it was necessary for me to lose all to built myself back up. All I can do is take small steps to happiness. I'm feeling better and clearer as the days pass, a long way to go yet I know. Thanks man, good shout. Good luck on your journey also...
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