Vacation
 

So I just got back from Hawaii with my family and while it was beautiful and warm and a great place to get away to, I don't think that I can go on vacation with my family again. At least for the time being; maybe I can try again after 5-10 years of sobriety as I only have 20 months.
I have posted many times about my mom and this is nothing different. She was very drunk for those 7 days in Hawaii and I just can't deal with it anymore. My sister in law, brother and brother in law were pretty trashed a few nights two along with my dad. I'm okay with people having a drink here and there and I realize that I can't get away from alcohol forever but I don't ever want to be put in that kind of a situation again. It was uncomfortable and I didn't have a place to hide. I shared a room with my dad because he doesn't even want to room with my mom because of her drinking. But she was always in our room.
Anyways, my question is, how do I tell them that I won't be going on any future vacations? Do I tell them it's because of my mom or give an excuse? Do I tell them now while it's a fresh memory or do I wait until the next vacation? We usually go on one every year. I'm in therapy but I haven't seen her since I got back this past weekend. I am also considering starting al-anon and getting a sponsor for that.
I have such anger and hate towards my mom and it got really bad during this vacation. But I stayed sober. Nothing is going to make me drink.
Thanks for listening!

Hi, congratulations on staying sober in what must have been a difficult situation.

I don't think long explanations are needed. You are an adult and don't have to holiday with your parents. I would just say " count me out next time, I'm holidaying alone/with friends/ partner etc"

Wow that's awful. I think you need to confess up and tell her how you really feel. I have drinking parents, and the best thing I ever did for myself last year (im 39) is to tell them both that I am too old to put up with that shite, and to respect your holiday and time together, and if not, you cant until your mum can. Its a hard call to make, but eventually you will reap the benefits, hopefully x

Well done on 20 months pattyj

I agree with Readyatlast

It sounds like you are making the very best decision to take care of you and your recovery.

I would say something now, while the strong feelings are with you. I would simply say that I won't be involved in family vacations anymore as I will be doing things differently now.

Great job staying sober, pattj.

I agree with Ready, jtlgg, Anna .. . . I would address the issue now while it is fresh in your mind. How deep you want to go is up to you . . . I, personally, wouldn't go too deep or be accusatory, etc. "We will be exploring other vacation/travel opportunities". Maybe, have a few responses in your back pocket if they push for an explanation. "We are looking for experiences which don't focus on drinking", etc.

Glad you navigated your holiday in a sober way; sorry the holidays were so unpleasant. If you broach the subject with your family now, you can start planning your sober holiday now - fun!!!!

The truth. Just say it bothers you to be around alcohol. Tell them you would be happy to attend an alcohol free vacation but if not wish them the best but you won't be going.

You can't change them you can only change you

Thanks for all of the responses!
Unfortunately, I don't have a family of my own to holiday with so I can't use that as en excuse. But I don't mind taking a week off in the summer and going to a nearby beach!!
My family leaves all of our issues on the back burner and don't ever discuss our feelings. So bringing this up is going to be really tough for me. I live about 30 minutes away from my parents so I can discuss this issue with them in person the next time I see them. I think doing this will be very beneficial in the long run; they will then know why I am quiet during family gatherings or why it looks like I am uncomfortable.
Thanks again! I really appreciate it!!

Well done on 20 months, patty --awesome :grouphug:

And for staying sober in that situation too.