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Day 3 and the THOUGTS are EXHAUSTING

Old 01-05-2015, 08:39 AM
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Day 3 and the THOUGTS are EXHAUSTING

Well today is day 3. I feel awesome and totally motivated to keep trucking as far as alcohol goes, but emotions are a roller coaster. My problem is these thoughts and reflections of myself. I'm so ashamed of some of the things I have done ) ; I am embarrassed. I recall parts of recent nights and missing chunks that friends had to fill me in on. Being rude to people who I dislike, flirting because the attention gave me some sort of ridiculous sense of "I still got it", stumbling and making really dumb decisions. I've drove buzzed lately and have 2 DWI's in my last 15 years of drinking. UGH. If my friends weren't there to make me leave with them or whatever what would I have done? Who have I become, who is this awful inconsiderate person? I don't have any excuses for my behaviors. I am also thinking about the things I can not heal. Like when I was pregnant with my 3rd child I had this time where I was so certain my husband cheated on me ( not his character at all but different things added up and I still can't let it go). He swears he didn't to this day and has been mad enough at times where he has said if he could tell me he cheated he would just to end my accusations or questions. It's gotten better this last year but I think it's because I drink to not feel it. Maybe that's why I flirt when I drink. To get back at him for what I "think" he did. Either way. I'm just so ashamed feeling today. I feel hermit like and I don't want to end up running into anyone when I go to the grocery store. I feel like hiding from the world. ) = I hate what alcohol has done to myself and most of my family! What a sneaky lying jerk! I might ask my Dr for some anxiety meds to lighten up my feelings until I get through dealing with stuff soberly. Normally I start to remember my crappy drunk nights or to convince myself my hubby never cheated, or my childhood, etc, and I pick up a drink and it's better for a little bit anyhow. Not today though! I'm going to get busy and suck it up!
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Old 01-05-2015, 08:48 AM
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It will be a rollercoaster for a while. Your brain is trying to figure out how to function without being constantly sedated. That's why it is so important to keep your support close and make a concerted effort to work on your sobriety each and every day. Glad you are doing so with a positive attitude, that is a big help.
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Old 01-05-2015, 08:48 AM
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welcome newlife, try not to get too far into your head, relax
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Old 01-05-2015, 08:51 AM
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Newlife, I completely relate to the escaping to get drunk due to thinking your husband has cheated. I do that too. I'm only on day two here, but I think about what I'm going to do about those feelings because they are there. I feel I need to begin to trust what my husband says and give it to God. I NEED to stay sober and do what's right. For me and my five little ones, so even if hub isn't being true at least I'm taking care of me. This is what I have to say to the alcoholic voice in me when it says I need to drink to cope with the suspicion of husband cheating. I hope this makes sense and will help you . I understand completely and just wanted you to know you're not alone. Blessings, Jolie
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:01 AM
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Welcome Newlife well done on day 3 its good your going to see a doctor

Have you got a recovery plan of some sort (things to help you stay sober)

Good luck
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:16 AM
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Welcome, newlife, to SR.

Early sobriety can be an emotional roller coaster. Be gentle with yourself. Google 'breathing techniques' you can utilize to keep negative thoughts and a racing mind at bay.

Glad you found SR.
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:04 AM
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Welcome new life. The early days can be difficult, be kind to yourself, you are making a change that is not easy and that is quite wonderful. The shame and suspicion and other anxious thoughts will sort themselves out in due time. Try to breathe slowly, slow down and focus on the present.
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