Relapse after 7 years
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 108
I , too ,relapsed after 7 years and it now has been on/ off for years now. I am 57 and on day #5. This HAS to be it for me! i dont want to be the retired guy in the Big Book who dies right after retirement due to daily drinking!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
I relapsed after 5.5 years. I became complacent and thought that I could drink socially because I had been sober for years.
I was wrong. I spent the next year struggling, with 3 day benders followed by a few weeks sober, followed by another bender, etc. It was much harder to quit at that point.
I found this website and started to go to AA and now I'm again approaching 5 years sober. I feel like I have a much firmer foundation now, and better tools and people to help me if I start to struggle. Life is good, and I intend to keep it that way.
I was wrong. I spent the next year struggling, with 3 day benders followed by a few weeks sober, followed by another bender, etc. It was much harder to quit at that point.
I found this website and started to go to AA and now I'm again approaching 5 years sober. I feel like I have a much firmer foundation now, and better tools and people to help me if I start to struggle. Life is good, and I intend to keep it that way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I too relapsed after seven years. I won't go into the details but the relapse came after an extended period of trying to cope with a very adolescent child. I kept trying to reach out to him and he kept shutting me out. He once had a very minor run in with the law and after I went down and stood up for him in front of the judge ,and he got fined only $5, on the way back in the car he said, "The next time dad I won't make the same mistake. My only mistake was getting caught. I won't get caught next time!" So I had lost forty pounds on a diet and felt horrible about my kid but very proud of myself for losing weight. So I went out and got a new suit, went to a conference and had a drink or two. I was away from home, away from my son and proud of my thinner self in my new suit. I drank for about thirteen more years and nearly died.
What can I tell you? You like excitement. You found sobriety boring. You missed the old days where you partied and had lots of exciting friends. You'd like to bring it all back again. You feel you've "lost" something of value. Relapses are not rare in recovery. But if you manage to get back into recovery or continue recovery (folks on this website will help you!) the time will come (I say "will" come, not "may" come) when you'll look back and know that you have not "lost" anything at all. You've gained sobriety, gained your real self back again. To say you've "lost" something would be like saying that a freed slave had "lost" her chains. Had "lost" the prospect of slipping down a path to endless suffering.
Sobriety was not easy for me at first. But I entered into a happier time in my life than before, greater self respect, and, for once, a growing sense that now I am doing what I was sent to do in the first place (that is if I was "sent") but it's the same feeling regardless). My life may not be as "exciting" (if hiding the bottles is "exciting"), but my life has meaning.
W.
What can I tell you? You like excitement. You found sobriety boring. You missed the old days where you partied and had lots of exciting friends. You'd like to bring it all back again. You feel you've "lost" something of value. Relapses are not rare in recovery. But if you manage to get back into recovery or continue recovery (folks on this website will help you!) the time will come (I say "will" come, not "may" come) when you'll look back and know that you have not "lost" anything at all. You've gained sobriety, gained your real self back again. To say you've "lost" something would be like saying that a freed slave had "lost" her chains. Had "lost" the prospect of slipping down a path to endless suffering.
Sobriety was not easy for me at first. But I entered into a happier time in my life than before, greater self respect, and, for once, a growing sense that now I am doing what I was sent to do in the first place (that is if I was "sent") but it's the same feeling regardless). My life may not be as "exciting" (if hiding the bottles is "exciting"), but my life has meaning.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
Thank you for all your responses! Makes me kinda overwhelmed to see so many of you encouraging me! I wish you all the best on your sober journeys! Makes me feel hopeful, maybe I can manage to stay sober this time too. I´m on day 5 now and feel ok, I hope the worst withdrawals with nausea etc are over. Still very embarrassed for my antics on New years... This is it, this time! I can and will never go back!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
Heya shimmering,
I need adrenaline too and ever since childhood I always have/had agression in me.
That's why I excercise often, including martial arts.
Meditation helps to keep hormone-levels balanced without excess and attachment.
Just getting away from other users never was enough. I moved ten times from state to state but my addictions kept haunting me. Addiction can become a mental tumor, sleeping and waiting to spread again. Just like cancer.
I needed and continue to need to travel inward to stay sober. I think this is a life-long proces. Piercing the thin line between consious and sub-consious were the root of the addiction lies.
I believe our thirst for adrenaline is a substite for cravings. A Healthier one sure, but dangerous also.
I need adrenaline too and ever since childhood I always have/had agression in me.
That's why I excercise often, including martial arts.
Meditation helps to keep hormone-levels balanced without excess and attachment.
Just getting away from other users never was enough. I moved ten times from state to state but my addictions kept haunting me. Addiction can become a mental tumor, sleeping and waiting to spread again. Just like cancer.
I needed and continue to need to travel inward to stay sober. I think this is a life-long proces. Piercing the thin line between consious and sub-consious were the root of the addiction lies.
I believe our thirst for adrenaline is a substite for cravings. A Healthier one sure, but dangerous also.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
Coming clean - thanks, I can relate to a lot of what your saying! I also used to move a lot, about three times a year... Always restless, and on the go. When I got married and had kids I thought I was so ready for some peace and calm, but turns out, I don't really know how to do calm. A part of me really appreciates a calm life, but one part can't stand it for too long. Again, I think it's because my upbringing was so chaotic. Calm is so unfamiliar to me.
But this time I'm going to try all the strategies other people here tell me about and see if I can find something that work. I can clearly see now that I didn't work enough on my recovery.
But this time I'm going to try all the strategies other people here tell me about and see if I can find something that work. I can clearly see now that I didn't work enough on my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I really needed this post. I can relate to your feelings so much, Shimmering. I am also the product of a dramatic, chaotic upbringing. I crave excitement a lot and I get bored easily. I am 15 months sober and the beginning of my sobriety was almost as exciting as my drinking life. Challenging myself to make different milestones and experiencing a "new life" (I drank for 27 years, starting at the age of 15) was intense and fun. Now the newness of sobriety has worn off and my restless spirit has been churning. The constant theme I see in those of you who have relapsed after long years of sobriety is regret in going back out and a much harder time getting sober again. (kind of like when I made the mistake of giving my son his pacifier back. After that, he would have swallowed it before giving it back to me) So, while I don't wish struggles on anyone, I appreciate your sharing because it brings me back down to reality and makes me guard my sobriety more closely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
DoubleDragons - congrats on 15 months!!
Thanks for your kind words!! I realize that I have to work out this whole craving adrenaline/excitement thing this time around. Otherwise I can't stay sober, it's very clear to me now.
Unfortunately I just got triggered for the first time in these 5 days and I just sit here and have a full blown adrenaline-craving attack!
Today I went bowling with my kids. Had a great time. Wasn't triggered by other people drinking next to me. But then I got a text from a girlfriend about getting a bunch of people together and going out Friday night. She doesn't know I've stopped drinking. She was the least supportive when I got sober the last time so I didn't spend so much time with her during my 7 sober years. We started hanging out again when I started drinking... So I haven't craved alcohol these days or anything else, I've been ok. But that text just got to me, I'm shaking, heart racing, my mind is just all over the place! So I'm trying to analyze this. I think I'm just as much addicted to the lifestyle, the excitement of going out, letting my hair down after a hard week of working, taking care of the kids etc.
And this is so embarrassing to admit, I sound like a teenager. But I was always the one with the connections, bringing people together for crazy nights, I got a lot of positive attention for making "fun" things happen. For like 12 years. I have to admit I still like it. I started doing this again during these past five months of drinking. Getting people together, using my connections for "fun" times. It's my payoff, feeling important because I feel totally worthless a lot of the time. I know, sounds SO lame. I haven't answered my friend. I know this has got to stop. I can't see her. But still... it's hard. What's a girl to do?! Thanks again for your support everyone out there!!
Thanks for your kind words!! I realize that I have to work out this whole craving adrenaline/excitement thing this time around. Otherwise I can't stay sober, it's very clear to me now.Unfortunately I just got triggered for the first time in these 5 days and I just sit here and have a full blown adrenaline-craving attack!
Today I went bowling with my kids. Had a great time. Wasn't triggered by other people drinking next to me. But then I got a text from a girlfriend about getting a bunch of people together and going out Friday night. She doesn't know I've stopped drinking. She was the least supportive when I got sober the last time so I didn't spend so much time with her during my 7 sober years. We started hanging out again when I started drinking... So I haven't craved alcohol these days or anything else, I've been ok. But that text just got to me, I'm shaking, heart racing, my mind is just all over the place! So I'm trying to analyze this. I think I'm just as much addicted to the lifestyle, the excitement of going out, letting my hair down after a hard week of working, taking care of the kids etc.
And this is so embarrassing to admit, I sound like a teenager. But I was always the one with the connections, bringing people together for crazy nights, I got a lot of positive attention for making "fun" things happen. For like 12 years. I have to admit I still like it. I started doing this again during these past five months of drinking. Getting people together, using my connections for "fun" times. It's my payoff, feeling important because I feel totally worthless a lot of the time. I know, sounds SO lame. I haven't answered my friend. I know this has got to stop. I can't see her. But still... it's hard. What's a girl to do?! Thanks again for your support everyone out there!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
just respond "no thanks, I can't make it."
Give yourself some space from that stuff for now.
We need to shift our views of what is "fun" and continuing to go put ourselves in those same old modalities just reinforces that we're somehow "missing out".
take a deep breath and politely decline.
Give yourself some space from that stuff for now.
We need to shift our views of what is "fun" and continuing to go put ourselves in those same old modalities just reinforces that we're somehow "missing out".
take a deep breath and politely decline.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Shimmering, I was that "go-to girl" throughout my thirties. There was always a party or a plan at my house. The thing is, though, that by my late thirties, early forties, most of my friends started to really "grow up" and to get involved in healthier things like tennis and volunteering. I remember showing up at a party planning event with a couple of wine bottles in my bag, realizing that I was the only one who had brought alcohol. For most people, alcohol just slowed them down and other than an occasional beer or glass or wine, alcohol just wasn't that important to them anymore. Since I had never cultivated myself past my sorority girl days, I started to feel really insecure and worthless again. Being the party girl at that age started to seem just desperate and pathetic and I was definitely looking worn out. I have so much more confidence now being sober. I lost weight, I am radiant, I have energy and varied interests. I am so much more than a problem drinking party girl.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
DoubleDragons, sounds very much like my story... Thanks for sharing. Was it hard for you to feel content doing "normal" things? I have hobbies that I like, but eventually I get bored and just feel that craving for excitement and I don't know how to handle that very uncomfortable state. I can also relate to the age-thing, I'm not so young anymore, in my late 30s... I texted my friend and just declined politely, but it took almost 3 hours for me to calm down and get a grip. I hope one day I can just enjoy everyday normal things without the adrenaline cravings. Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Hi, Shimmering. Yes, I totally understand what you mean about missing that adrenaline/excitement. Your post struck a chord in me. I have to admit that sometimes I miss that feeling that I get with the "fun" part of drinking, but what I have learned is that the "high highs" always come with the "low lows" of bad hangovers, stomach ulcers, shame and embarrassment, anxiety, weight gain, lost days, hurt relationships, etc. In short, the bad way outweighs the good that comes with drinking. I have made peace that my wild, drinking party days are over for this lifetime and given that I did more than my fair share of those days, I am happy to close that chapter. I value my peace, my health and my self respect and the respect of others more.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
