Please tell me it matters
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I was extremely sensitive when I was newly sober. I suppose I expected people to be pleased and full of praise. I now see that people are pretty much caught up in their own lives to really take much notice of me. Plus, I was only doing what 'normal' people do-it was nothing particularly special to anyone else.
Your husband not speaking to you sounds totally unrelated to you being sober. I know when I got sober I suddenly noticed things about people that I was either oblivious to before or chose to ignore. I was also forced to address issues within my marriage and not just hide them by drinking.
I'm just over 2 years sober now and a totally different person. It does take time but it really is worth it. The first few weeks are an emotionally turbulent time but my advice would be just keep at it. Try not to focus on other people and what they are doing/not doing. Just look after you.
Your husband not speaking to you sounds totally unrelated to you being sober. I know when I got sober I suddenly noticed things about people that I was either oblivious to before or chose to ignore. I was also forced to address issues within my marriage and not just hide them by drinking.
I'm just over 2 years sober now and a totally different person. It does take time but it really is worth it. The first few weeks are an emotionally turbulent time but my advice would be just keep at it. Try not to focus on other people and what they are doing/not doing. Just look after you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
This:
"Your husband not speaking to you sounds totally unrelated to you being sober. I know when I got sober I suddenly noticed things about people that I was either oblivious to before or chose to ignore. I was also forced to address issues within my marriage and not just hide them by drinking."
When one partner changes, it upsets the balance of a relationship, no matter how dysfunctional that balance may be. We can't control how others react, we can only work on ourselves. I know it's not easy but detaching with kindness is the only productive way I know of to get through this. I'm two months in and my marriage is often on rough seas, too.
"Your husband not speaking to you sounds totally unrelated to you being sober. I know when I got sober I suddenly noticed things about people that I was either oblivious to before or chose to ignore. I was also forced to address issues within my marriage and not just hide them by drinking."
When one partner changes, it upsets the balance of a relationship, no matter how dysfunctional that balance may be. We can't control how others react, we can only work on ourselves. I know it's not easy but detaching with kindness is the only productive way I know of to get through this. I'm two months in and my marriage is often on rough seas, too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
Your husband not speaking to you sounds totally unrelated to you being sober. I know when I got sober I suddenly noticed things about people that I was either oblivious to before or chose to ignore. I was also forced to address issues within my marriage and not just hide them by drinking.
Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Originally Posted by BernieE
When one partner changes, it upsets the balance of a relationship, no matter how dysfunctional that balance may be. We can't control how others react, we can only work on ourselves. I know it's not easy but detaching with kindness is the only productive way I know of to get through this. I'm two months in and my marriage is often on rough seas, too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
You are doing great and it's completely worth it. I agree so much with what's been said here- all of us can't be wrong! Keep going, be kind to yourself and if you stay sober, the rest will follow. Just don't drink.
Good luck with your medical results.
Good luck with your medical results.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Thank you everyone for keeping me in check. Even though my AV wasn't breathing down my neck last night, my alcoholic self was. She likes instant gratification.
You all helped me to take a step back, take a breath, and carry on as a sober adult.
SO LUCKY to have you all in my life.
If we added up all of your years of learning from drinking/not drinking, I guess we would have over a hundred years of wisdom from which to draw. That is amazing.
Thank you.
You all helped me to take a step back, take a breath, and carry on as a sober adult.
SO LUCKY to have you all in my life.
If we added up all of your years of learning from drinking/not drinking, I guess we would have over a hundred years of wisdom from which to draw. That is amazing.
Thank you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Originally Posted by VikingGF
You are doing great and it's completely worth it. I agree so much with what's been said here- all of us can't be wrong! Keep going, be kind to yourself and if you stay sober, the rest will follow. Just don't drink.
Good luck with your medical results.
Good luck with your medical results.
I will let you know what I hope will be good news today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Oh sweetheart dear young person.. you matter so much more then you think... its just everything is mixed up so much right now.. Please know that so many would be so sad with out your smile or laughter or force of life.. that you put into everything every day.. scream here write it out.. connect to these lovely people of pain and heartfelt saddness for they like me are in your shoes everyday.. prayers and keep trying it will get better I promise and a Clown never breaks a promise ... a Marine never make anything but Good Promises.. and a Mom will lie her butt off to PRomise you the Moon and mean it so much. love ardy..
Originally Posted by TryTryAgain
Hi,
I have been doing so well with not drinking. AVRT is working for me. But you know what? It's not making my family be any nicer to me. My husband just pretty much stopped talking to me around noon today and I have no idea why. I asked him and he wouldn't tell me.
There are some ther things with other individuals but I don't want to say too much and sound like it's all, "poor me". But I will say this: they get so mad at me when I drink but I don't see them treating me with respect or kindness when I am sober.
I understand that I am doing this for myself first and foremost but I am doing it for them too.
On top of this, I am awaiting biopsy results and could use some support but I am sure not getting any of that at home.
maybe the craziest part of this is that I actually don't even feel like drinking but can someone please tell me that everything I am doing is worth it?
Last thing in case you are asking yourself if I did anything to bring this on, the answer is no. At least not that I know of.
Thank you.
I have been doing so well with not drinking. AVRT is working for me. But you know what? It's not making my family be any nicer to me. My husband just pretty much stopped talking to me around noon today and I have no idea why. I asked him and he wouldn't tell me.
There are some ther things with other individuals but I don't want to say too much and sound like it's all, "poor me". But I will say this: they get so mad at me when I drink but I don't see them treating me with respect or kindness when I am sober.
I understand that I am doing this for myself first and foremost but I am doing it for them too.
On top of this, I am awaiting biopsy results and could use some support but I am sure not getting any of that at home.
maybe the craziest part of this is that I actually don't even feel like drinking but can someone please tell me that everything I am doing is worth it?
Last thing in case you are asking yourself if I did anything to bring this on, the answer is no. At least not that I know of.
Thank you.
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