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Old 02-03-2015, 07:34 AM
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I'm drinking again today....start again tomorrow. Not in the greatest place right now. Thanks, though.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:39 AM
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You could pour it away & start today ?
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Kris47 View Post
Hello Gabrielle,

You and your sponsor just didn't seem to jive. It's just like alcohol and I don't jive anymore. There are many ways to get sober but one needs to use all the tools they can to stay sober. What works for one may not work for another. AA has been a godsend for me. At first I wasn't so sure. Any program you really work will take time to adjust to and you are trying to change. To be honest though, I don't think someone you've met online with whom you have to tell your personal stuff to, can work as AA intends it, especially in that small time frame. At least not early on. And although it can take someone as little as a few months to work the steps, they usually read the Big Book from cover to cover and back again. Then both the sponsor will read portions together. It is not anything to take on lightly and not until you know you are ready. I don't think I had enough cognitive thinking to even begin the stepwork til I was over 90 days sober. Holding a grudge or having resentment is like letting someone live rent free in your head. You don't forget this you just learn to Let Go of the baggage. First things first, though, First you need the desire to quit drinking. It's that simple. Easy, no. Don't pick up the first drink. You would be doing yourself a disservice. You have been doing really great. Early sobriety can be a very raw thing. Your emotions can run all over the place and your head is screaming for alcohol. Step one is the catalyst to get the ball rolling. Step 2 is finding that HP. Step 3 is surrendering. Until you can get the first three without any reservations you are not ready to do a step 4. You need real help along the way. SR is a wonderful tool to help or add in your sobriety as is sober friends, family, reading, AA and other disciplines. Please avail yourself of all and any of these modalities. The most important thing is to STAY THE COURSE. For now, make it simple. Just say, I will not pick up a drink today. 24 hours. One Day at a time. Never, never ever give up. You are worth it. I spent too many years giving in to my AV.That's the insanity, doing the same thing over and over again. If you come into the rooms of AA, really work the program. First of all find God. Many people feel the other alcoholics are their HP. Whatever works for you. the important thing is to realize you're not running the show. Something out there is grander than we are. find out what it is. Faith is all you need. And we are here for you, too. Don't give up on yourself.
Please read and re-read what Kris has said; very wise words and advice.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by GabrielleSolis1 View Post
I'm drinking again today....start again tomorrow. Not in the greatest place right now. Thanks, though.
Please pour out whatever is left, Gabrielle. Make this a tiny blip on your radar screen; don't let this send you down the slippery slope to the nothingness that alcoholism promises.

We are here for you. You have our support.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:44 AM
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why put off til tomorrow what you can do today? Pour it out
don't drink today, you'll only feel worse tomorrow.
we'll be here.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:13 AM
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Start fresh right this very minute. We are all doing this with ya.
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Old 02-05-2015, 05:46 PM
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I managed a day...then two days (sort of). I failed. It's gonna be at least a month again till I can get back in that zone. And before any of you judge me, I was there, and I was absolutely all for it.

I can't fight against stuff that happens that kicks me down when I'm finally at the place I needed to be for so long. I was finally there. I didn't want to feel how I do right now, and believe me, I'm so gutted. I was actually there. Now, I just don't see the point. It's such a waste of time when I can't see what sobriety would do for me when I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. This is not a pity post, and to make that pretty concrete, if anyone replies to this post, I will ignore it and won't reply back.

I'm just making a statement. So don't bother.
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Old 02-05-2015, 05:53 PM
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No ones judging you.

We've all been there - which is why I say...you've been there once - you can be there again.

There's no waiting required to get back in the zone. Any reasoning you might have that this 'may take a while' is your AV in full fly.

There's been a raft of suggestions in this thread, and many others, of things you could do right now to change your circumstances Gabrielle

D
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Old 02-05-2015, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by GabrielleSolis1 View Post
Now, I just don't see the point. It's such a waste of time when I can't see what sobriety would do for me when I don't have anything to look forward to anymore.
Life is so much better sober. But it takes time. It takes months. You have to be stubborn as hades in early sobriety and you have to make it your number one priority. You also have to work on recovery. Just putting the plug in the jug won't make life any better. There is never a good time to quit drinking. To let go of your best friend. The thought of spending the rest of your life sober is scary. But think about what might happen if the drinking continues. Hurting people we love, dying a slow horrible death from cirrhosis, legal issues. The list of negatives could go on forever. I've seen a bottom that was so mentally bad I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I've heard story after story of bottoms worse than mine. A common theme is that suicide seemed like a viable option. I know it seemed like one for me. I've also heard story after story of people going from that dark place to having an amazing life worth living thanks to sobriety and recovery. I am one of those people and you can be too.

You don't ever have to pick up a drink again. But you are going to have to fight and work hard for a while. It is not easy. You're going to run into obstacles whether it's cravings or other alkies you don't see eye to eye with. But you have to do it for you and know that the life you will find will be far superior than where the bottle will take you. Find a program that works for you.

Best wishes.
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:11 PM
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great. you'll ignore anyone who responds.
what's the point of THAT?
those who feel moved to respond should feel warned and understand you're telling us off?

it makes sense that you can't see what sobriety can "do" for you; you haven't been sober long enough to see.
it offers you possibilities you don't have when you're drinking.
pretty simple, pretty obvious.

what does drinking do for you?
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Old 02-05-2015, 07:58 PM
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What can sobriety do for you? For starters, give you a clarity you simply could never have if you drink. Sobriety would prevent you from descending down a progressive path that leads to things you never want to experience- anxiety, depression, lack of fulfilled potential... For starters.
Sobriety would also prevent you from dying a terrible death that chronic alcoholism will inevitably cause. If you aren't aware of what that would look like, do the research. It should scare the hell out of you.
It seems to me that you haven't let go of the romanticism of alcohol. Most of us here have been there. It wasn't until we read about alcoholism on this forum and elsewhere ( not to mention suffered from all the problems it causes) did we realize that our thinking about alcohol needed to change.

Before I quit ( not that long ago- 65 days), I couldn't imagine life without drinking. After being sober for a couple of months, I have seen what life without alcohol has to offer. Drinking gave me nothing. In fact, it took from me. What I've gained in a short time of sobriety makes drinking pale in comparison.
What alcohol gives you is an illusion. It isn't real. If you give sobriety enough time, you'll see it for what it is. In the meantime, maintain a support base for yourself- whatever that might be or might not be.
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Old 02-06-2015, 05:43 AM
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Just take our hand and come with us. You can do this. You're doing it for you.

Today can be your day, too.
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Old 02-06-2015, 11:47 AM
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I can't see a single positive point by being sober. It makes you live longer- I don't want that. It makes you experience life longer- I don't want that. Since my cat died, I have nothing left to live for (ooh, poor me!! Haha- seriously, I loved her sooo much and without her I'm lost). On a serious note, I have no dependants, I have no major responsibilities, I'm tired of everything and at least by drinking I don't have to commit myself to yet another ridiculous scheme that won't benefit me in the slightest.

It is so much easier to just drink and not give a f*ck.
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Old 02-06-2015, 12:15 PM
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I have to go on living knowing I helped my alcoholic mother die. By many accounts, I should want to die. And drinking would be one interesting way of pulling that off.

I've been sober nearly two years. I won't lie. There are days I say f*%# it all to hell and back.

So why am I sober?

I have to say: Life is MUCH more interesting spent sober. It is much more challenging. I remember the details, and the details are worth remembering, and they are worth sharing with others.

Since you are living on the brink, what have you got to lose? Why not get sober and stay sober long enough to experience a quality sobriety?
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Old 02-06-2015, 12:19 PM
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Gabrielle your feeling sorry for yourself you were doing great and you know it you can do this again

Im so sorry about your cat when my dog died it ripped me in 2 i get your upset and you had that thing with resentments and i get that too

What i dont get is you saying its easier being drunk.....no it isnt its easier being sober its more affordable better health & hygeine better food better friends real feelings the list goes on

being drunk blocks out who you really are and ive met sober gabrielle from chat to meetings to this board right now and i like my friend Gabrielle getting to know her a bit building some real friendships

Gabrielle i need you to go splash your face with cold water look in the mirror and tell yourself this

Gabrielle is sober Gabrielle is gonna try & most importantly Gabrielle is awesome

im here to talk if you wanna your my friend Gabrielle try & make the meeting in chat tonight
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Old 02-06-2015, 12:24 PM
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just been through all the smilies to look for a hug to send you but i'm afraid i couldn't find one. please take care of yourself. 'hug'x
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Old 02-06-2015, 07:32 PM
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you know, GS, it IS so much easier to just not care and drink.
not always, but often.
in moments.
overall, i found it very painful to see i didn't care enough lots of the time.
and to find that quitting and staying quit were tougher than i thought it would be.
and to find that caring didn't guarantee success at quitting.

but the whole drinking/quitting thing was ultimately much more torturous than being quit.

and you can't know that until you do it.
the fantasies i had about how it might be aren't reality.
but finally, it's reality i wanted. with me in it, and me being real. no matter how that is.

tired of the easier way which was so damn hard!
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Old 02-07-2015, 01:40 PM
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I appreciate all your comments, I do. Really.

But none of you can throw anything at me about respecting myself (which is what it all comes down to). As much as I don't/ or didn't want to carry on in this situation, I really don't have enough cause to stop.

Usually, it is easy to give valid reasons to someone who drinks too much to stop. I don't have any reasons. It stops there.

I can't say how I might feel in say, a month's time or whatever. Maybe i'll be back on the wagon again and really going for it....who's to say? But right now, it just makes a lot of sense to carry on regardless....

Thank you, and again- no need to reply as I am half cut every time I log in anyway, so you're only conversing with a drunk person
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Old 02-07-2015, 01:50 PM
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You're right, no one could have told me any valid reason to quit drinking either, and I get that, I had people telling me a list of reasons with regards health, I'd come on SR and read posts giving reasons to quit, and the worst of it was deep down inside me I was giving myself my own reasons and I was still dismissing them as I didn't really want to stop drinking!!

Eventually though one day I looked in the mirror and thought, there has to be more than this? drink, hangover, go to work, drink, hangover, go to work, surely this isn't life, and sure I didn't have much hope that things would get better, or that life would turn around, so there is an element of taking a leap of faith in all of this, for me I kept telling myself that surely all these people with decades of Sobriety between them can't be wrong?

But something inside must want it, and in reality what is there to loose? for me being miserable Sober or being miserable with yet another hangover, there wasn't much to choose from, so giving Sobriety a go and seeing what happens, what's the worst that can happen?

I thought I'd reply, because I understand what you're feeling as I've been there once before!!
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Old 02-07-2015, 02:11 PM
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"Don't turn your head
From the Bandaged place.
That is where the Light shines in."
--Rumi

Don't turn your head, Gabrielle, from the pain and hurt from being you because your pain is what will make you wise.
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