NightNDay

I relapsed over the holidays -- twice. Both times were devastating to me emotionally. I can't even tell you why I did it.

Well, maybe I can. The first time I was facing enormous stress from a difficult family situation. The second time I did it more out of habit. (Went out with old friends I haven't seen in a while; drinking friends.)

I'm not sure how to feel. On the one hand, I'm devastated that I've blown several months of sobriety (my longest period ever) for such stupid reasons. On the other hand, I'm trying to be positive and look for ways to make sure I never do it again.

I don't want to go back to drinking. I can't believe I did it again.

Mark1014

If you learn from it and apply what you learned then your prior efforts are not a waste imo. I wish you the best...don't give up!

Irnldy001

I've also relapsed. Except my relapse has lasted almost a year. I check social media in the morning to make sure I haven't made a fool of myself on Facebook, texted someone, or even had a conversation I can't remember.
I don't know why you relapsed, but I'm in awe that you were able to stop. It sounds like you haven't drunk since the second night. So you already have a few days sober under your belt. I wish like hell I had that. I know how hard this is, but take those few days of not drinking as a sign that you won't drink today. I'm pulling on my AA past here, but that's all you can do. Don't drink today. Peace. (At 3am I will be 24 hrs since my last drink, so I'm not one to give out grand advice, just wanted you to know someone read this and felt your pain).

SoberLeigh

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

You may have come across this thread already; it's a great read no matter where we are in our recovery.

When we relapse, there is only one good option. Get up; start again. Examine what went wrong, shore up the holes in our plan, strengthen it and make any necessary amendments to our plan so as to avoid the triggering circumstances.

Glad you are back, NightNDay. You can do this; you absolutely can.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk NightnDay im glad your bk know that friend

Tweak the recovery plan and move forward

Reaching out is vital imo if you ever feel cravings do not feel bad for coming on here and posting about it always get that 2nd opinion my friend

Drinking is a dead end road

mns1

NightNDay, my current situation practically mirrors yours. A stressful implosion of sorts over the holidays drove me to pour a drink and the past several weeks have been a real challenge. I'll drink a couple nights, go sober a couple nights, but I haven't been able to break this pattern yet and just walk away from the stuff.

I agree that you have to learn from it and use what you have learned in the past. I have learned that guilt does not help. It's one thing to be disappointed with yourself, but blaming yourself as if you are somehow a bad person just may be the most disadvantageous thing you can do.

Hevyn

Hi NightNDay. I did the same thing in early recovery - but I did learn something each time & it strengthened my resolve. I guess I needed further proof that I didn't ever want to go back there. You're going to do it this time.

NightNDay

I 100% believe what you are saying. I know I need to "tweak the recovery plan" and move forward. I'm just trying to figure out what parts need tweaking. Any advice from anyone on where to start?

NightNDay

I hope you're doing well today. I know exactly how you're feeling (I think). The relapse was relatively short (this time) but every single time in the past a relapse would last several months -- up to a year in the very beginning. This is probably the 10th time I've relapsed.

The only thing that makes it different is I got right back on track -- which I haven't done in the past.

Sending good thoughts your way.