PrettyAngelDove

I feel alone in A.A., nobody really talks to me so I'm thinking of not going anymore. I been in and out of A.A. for the last 13 years.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Did you decide not to go anymore?, if so what replaced A.A.?

saudades

I only went to AA twice, but I know I need to go again. It's my social anxiety that stops me. If I were "somehwere under" with you, I'd go with you but I get it. It's hard to reach out, isn't it?

PrettyAngelDove

I have tried but all these people are doing is making me sicker.

ScottFromWI

Have you considered a different group?

hman0217

Hi Angel,

I can only share my own experience. I've felt alone in AA too. It seemed like certain groups were congregating together and I was standing alone awkwardly twiddling my thumbs by myself.

But then again, I've often felt "alone in a room full of people" in lots of settings. If I went to parties, I would feel that way - which is why I proceeded to get drunk, seeking the assistance of that social lubricant we all know so well.

So on the one hand, the "alone" feeling had to do with me and not with AA.

On the other hand, every meeting is different. I'm not sure where you live - and I've been in tiny towns in Wyoming or Eastern Colorado where there is literally one meeting room and you're stuck with what you get. But now, thankfully, I'm in NYC, which is about as diverse as it gets as far as meetings go.

At home (I'm abroad now), there are certain meetings I feel drawn to and other I don't. So I can make that choice.

Having said that, I had to also stop looking at meetings as my social hour. I have a meeting near my house that has a population that's nothing like me in most outward ways. I'm in a fast gentrifying neighborhood and the meeting is filled with the old stock of old brothers from back when this truly was the ghetto of all ghettos. They're culturally different. They've often had way way way lower bottoms than I have had (living on subway trains or streets, being streetworkers, etc...). And they're of a generally far lower (book) education level than I am. Normally, we would not mix.

But I go anyway sometimes. And not everything I hear is useful and there are the folks that ramble on forever about their cat and all that crap. Because even though they are externally different from me, they share the same addictive trait. And so I try to connect with that similarity. Sometimes they will say something that helps me and sometimes I say something that helps them. Even if I go one time and don't have a super experience, I remind myself of how many hours I wasted holding my throbbing head in the morning after a night of debauchery.

I don't do social hour after meetings typically because I am sensitive to people violating my anonymity.

For me, AA is a tool for staying sober and becoming better able to handle life. Some people make AA their entire life, which is totally fine. But for me, I find there are other places where I seek to enrich my life, like my deep art pursuit. The AA meetings are my maintenance. Nobody likes taking their car to change oil. But if they don't, it's gonna kick it a lot sooner. So sometimes, AA is just an oil change. But sometimes, you have a really nice chat with the guy standing at the counter too and drive home feeling really good.

I went to one SMART meeting once and it was ok. With all its imperfections, though, I've continued to go to AA because my life is so much better now than it was 2 years ago.

I hope my experience is helpful.

H

Ruby2

I felt alone at AA when I started going but I've met a few people here and there that I keep in touch with outside the meeting. Chatting after the meeting. I sort of had to push myself to do it. There are other people I met that I kept in touch with for a bit but they didn't click. I don't get along with everyone and vice versa. If it's consistent maybe try a different meeting? Do you do any service work? Making the coffee, if there are functions getting involved with those.

I don't know. Do you have a sponsor? I don't at the moment but they do help get you in contact with other people. It's a start. Hang in there. If AA isn't for you there are other ways. I'm just familiar with AA.

PrettyAngelDove

I live in a very small city and its all the same people at the other groups for the most part.

PrettyAngelDove

I don't have a sponsor, easier said then done around here. Yes...I made coffee, cleaned , helped out at functions , none of that made a bit of difference....and I tried for awhile ( at least a year)

hman0217

Hey try this:

A.A. Meetings in AA On Line Meetings - Alcoholics Anonymous C.E.R.

I'm on a long trip to India and I've needed meetings, so I found these peeps doing online meetings. I've been to two so far and they seem to be pretty good.

I do empathize with you, because i used to travel for a job and I did feel challenged at times in those "very small cities" with meetings that didn't totally stoke me.

PrettyAngelDove

Thanks, I will look into them.

Serenidad

This!

Coldfusion

I got a service position as meeting secretary so people would have no choice but to put up with me.

PrettyAngelDove

That's great but that isn't a option. A old timer tonight just shamed me by publicly saying " How much time do you got sober?, I believe I have more pull around here then you do!".

Briar

I've only ever been to LifeRing meetings, and I like those a lot. LifeRing is less structured than AA and is more about self-empowerment. It really just depends on what approach works best for you. They have online meetings too.

hman0217

Did you laugh in his face? Did you ask him to read that tradition about there only being one ultimate authority in the program? Did you tell him he ought to go and talk to his sponsor about what AA is all about?

You and I are equal here. And we're both equal to the person with thirty years. Sure, there are time requirements for service positions. But it's not about "pull"

That doesn't sound like real AA to me.

PrettyAngelDove

Thanks. I never heard of all these different meeting.
The only 2 I ever heard of is A.A. and CR ( Celebrate Recovery )

PrettyAngelDove

No, but I did tell him to go drink himself to death.
He has been acting like the God of A.A for awhile now along with being my Dad ...which he is not.

Kero

My AA group has been super friendly, but they are a tight group and I still feel like the outsider. Most people are a lot older than I am as well (some sober half as long as I've been alive). Not to offend anyone, but it felt like a bunch of friends who get together every week and have coffee. I just have a hard time relating to someone who's been 20 years sober.

I pretty much stopped going.

Honestly I just spend a ton of time here. The format just works. Everything doesn't have to be so formal. There's always a weekend or other thread going on.

I did an online AA meeting once, and the tech just doesn't work (unless you really need it). It goes like this:
Person123 joined
followed by 8 million "Hi Person123" entries.

PrettyAngelDove

. Wow!

hman0217

The link I posted is for meetings with voice chat and optional video.

But yea, we're pretty bad a$$ in these forums too

Ultimately, it's about working with other alcoholics/addicts. There's more than one platform to do so