Alone in a room full of people.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Kero 
My AA group has been super friendly, but they are a tight group and I still feel like the outsider. Most people are a lot older than I am as well (some sober half as long as I've been alive). Not to offend anyone, but it felt like a bunch of friends who get together every week and have coffee. I just have a hard time relating to someone who's been 20 years sober.
I pretty much stopped going.
Honestly I just spend a ton of time here. The format just works. Everything doesn't have to be so formal. There's always a weekend or other thread going on.
I did an online AA meeting once, and the tech just doesn't work (unless you really need it). It goes like this:
Person123 joined
followed by 8 million "Hi Person123" entries.
I pretty much stopped going.
Honestly I just spend a ton of time here. The format just works. Everything doesn't have to be so formal. There's always a weekend or other thread going on.
I did an online AA meeting once, and the tech just doesn't work (unless you really need it). It goes like this:
Person123 joined
followed by 8 million "Hi Person123" entries.
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
Congrats on just being able to hang around SR all day long...but for me I think I need something physically available. I mean the thought has acrossed my mind well, If I stop going and drink myself to death they will learn something from it.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by LiveLikeGold6
Yikes. That first sentence was a little rough. Ive felt alone in aa as well and truly hope you find what works for u.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
I mean the thought has acrossed my mind well, If I stop going and drink myself to death they will learn something from it.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Briar
It isn't your job to teach them a lesson. You can do much better things with your life. Focus on finding out what you need to get sober and well. If they can't help you with that, then forget them and find something that can. Do this for you.
I sure hope I am doing it for myself! I don't know how to get sober for someone else.
I never got sober for anyone else.
I'm way too selfish for that.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I'm not sure if you are male or female. If female I would recommend WFS-Women for Sobriety. I love the concept and wish there were meetings where I live but unfortunately there are not.I have the books and love the online stuff.
If you are male apologies
If you are male apologies
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Grayslake, IL
Posts: 732
I attended AA early on in Sobriety. I gradually quit around 6 months, and often wondered why I'd lost my desire for it. I realized that I was sick of being around other alcoholics. Same rehashing week after week, no matter which meeting I attended, and I used to go 4 times a week. I truly think some recovering alcoholics cannot or will not let go of this, and they're stuck. I've met some alcoholics who are stuck on this and still, after so much Sobriety time, let this addiction define them. My circumstances for becoming Sober were so awful that I don't care to revisit week after week. It will always be with me, and I don't need a reminder. Other than SR, I prefer to not spend my time with other alcoholics, active or recovering.
Bunnez
Bunnez
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
I'm not sure if you are male or female. If female I would recommend WFS-Women for Sobriety. I love the concept and wish there were meetings where I live but unfortunately there are not.I have the books and love the online stuff.
If you are male apologies
If you are male apologies
As for the woman meeting, ok..I will try it, although I didn't care for the A.A. woman's meeting in my city at all.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
I think there is a kind of 'initiation period' in many aa groups. You aren't really accepted until you show up for many months or so. But there are some that seem to be a secret club of sorts. Membership there takes a lot longer.
I found SR to be my group.
I found SR to be my group.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
Thanks. I am a female, I thought my profile reflected that, besides I don't think a male would use the name Pretty Angeldove (lol) although may think Angeldoves are pretty..
.
.
I had a pretty good idea you were female but I've had many surprises on SR finding out people I thought were female are male and vice versa Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by LBrain
I think there is a kind of 'initiation period' in many aa groups. You aren't really accepted until you show up for many months or so. But there are some that seem to be a secret club of sorts. Membership there takes a lot longer.
I found SR to be my group.
I found SR to be my group.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Since you've been going to meetings for a while, you have probably heard people say that new people should come early and stay late, to get to know people. Well, IMO, that does work for some but not for everybody. I kind of look at it as a kind of sorority or fraternity, where many people try to become a member, but in the end, only a few are selected. Based on my observations and my own attempts, this is just the way it is, and I've been to many different meetings.
But one thing I have noticed is that whenever I quit going to meetings, I go back to drinking. So, for me, going to meetings is very important to my sobriety. Being accepted or even liked is not important to me anymore. Just try to remember why you are going to those meetings. Nothing else really matters. John
But one thing I have noticed is that whenever I quit going to meetings, I go back to drinking. So, for me, going to meetings is very important to my sobriety. Being accepted or even liked is not important to me anymore. Just try to remember why you are going to those meetings. Nothing else really matters. John
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
There's often a dynamic in play that's sometimes referred to as "relapse fatigue." It's what we create for other people after years of broken promises and failed attempts at sobriety and in changing our behaviors. Our drinking behaviors, relapses included, provoke first anger and sometimes rage, and then later on, indifference.
Though I've only relapsed once in the past thirty one years, blaming other people for my feelings and behaviors was a red flag for me that I was very wrong about my fragile ideas related to drinking and my drinking behaviors.
I had the magical ability to turn relatively healthy people into monsters, something that never instilled pride in me. I was horrified when I came to understand this in sobriety.
Though I've only relapsed once in the past thirty one years, blaming other people for my feelings and behaviors was a red flag for me that I was very wrong about my fragile ideas related to drinking and my drinking behaviors.
I had the magical ability to turn relatively healthy people into monsters, something that never instilled pride in me. I was horrified when I came to understand this in sobriety.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
Since you've been going to meetings for a while, you have probably heard people say that new people should come early and stay late, to get to know people. Well, IMO, that does work for some but not for everybody. I kind of look at it as a kind of sorority or fraternity, where many people try to become a member, but in the end, only a few are selected. Based on my observations and my own attempts, this is just the way it is, and I've been to many different meetings.
But one thing I have noticed is that whenever I quit going to meetings, I go back to drinking. So, for me, going to meetings is very important to my sobriety. Being accepted or even liked is not important to me anymore. Just try to remember why you are going to those meetings. Nothing else really matters. John
But one thing I have noticed is that whenever I quit going to meetings, I go back to drinking. So, for me, going to meetings is very important to my sobriety. Being accepted or even liked is not important to me anymore. Just try to remember why you are going to those meetings. Nothing else really matters. John
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
I also have stayed late just to watch others gather in small groups and talk while I sit alone.
It seems some groups have forgotten their primary purpose. They just become back slapper clubs. It might be partly due to the crazy idea that older members should not approach new ones for fear of offering unsolicited advice and hurting their feelings. It's easier to leave them alone and not take the risk.
Whatever the reason, I have developed a couple of tactics that work quite well. I always arrive early. If, after five minutes, no one has talked to me, I appoint myself as greeter and shake the hand of everyone at the meeting. If I get a chance to share, I thank them for the warm welcome and tell them how important that was for me as a newcomer. After the meeting I head for the kitchen and pick up a dish towel. I meet some of the best people in the kitchen.
I couldn't have done that stuff as a newcomer though. My introduction to AA was through an old fashioned concept called the twelfth step call.. I attended my first meeting with my 12 stepper and was immediately accepted into the group.
It seems the group you attend may be less than perfect, but it may also be the only thing that can save your life. ( that was the case for me). Maybe a little prayer for strength and guidance before you enter the meeting room would help.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
I also have stayed late just to watch others gather in small groups and talk while I sit alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I've been sober in the fellowship for a long time. One of the blessings I have received recently is the freedom to travel and go to meetings that I have never been to before. Sometimes what you describe happens to me too.
It seems some groups have forgotten their primary purpose. They just become back slapper clubs. It might be partly due to the crazy idea that older members should not approach new ones for fear of offering unsolicited advice and hurting their feelings. It's easier to leave them alone and not take the risk.
Whatever the reason, I have developed a couple of tactics that work quite well. I always arrive early. If, after five minutes, no one has talked to me, I appoint myself as greeter and shake the hand of everyone at the meeting. If I get a chance to share, I thank them for the warm welcome and tell them how important that was for me as a newcomer. After the meeting I head for the kitchen and pick up a dish towel. I meet some of the best people in the kitchen.
I couldn't have done that stuff as a newcomer though. My introduction to AA was through an old fashioned concept called the twelfth step call.. I attended my first meeting with my 12 stepper and was immediately accepted into the group.
It seems the group you attend may be less than perfect, but it may also be the only thing that can save your life. ( that was the case for me). Maybe a little prayer for strength and guidance before you enter the meeting room would help.
It seems some groups have forgotten their primary purpose. They just become back slapper clubs. It might be partly due to the crazy idea that older members should not approach new ones for fear of offering unsolicited advice and hurting their feelings. It's easier to leave them alone and not take the risk.
Whatever the reason, I have developed a couple of tactics that work quite well. I always arrive early. If, after five minutes, no one has talked to me, I appoint myself as greeter and shake the hand of everyone at the meeting. If I get a chance to share, I thank them for the warm welcome and tell them how important that was for me as a newcomer. After the meeting I head for the kitchen and pick up a dish towel. I meet some of the best people in the kitchen.
I couldn't have done that stuff as a newcomer though. My introduction to AA was through an old fashioned concept called the twelfth step call.. I attended my first meeting with my 12 stepper and was immediately accepted into the group.
It seems the group you attend may be less than perfect, but it may also be the only thing that can save your life. ( that was the case for me). Maybe a little prayer for strength and guidance before you enter the meeting room would help.
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If you don't find AA useful for yourself, then try something that you think might work. Whatever helps you get and stay sober is the answer.
And, a reminder of our Mandate in Newcomers:
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
And, a reminder of our Mandate in Newcomers:
The Newcomers Forum is a safe and welcoming place for newcomers. Respect is essential. Debates over Recovery Methods are not allowed on the Newcomer's Forum. Posts that violate this rule will be removed without notice. (Support and experience only please.)
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