"Why not?" and "who cares?"
 

Those two questions haunt me when it comes to abstaining. I can answer the first easily enough--booze kills you in a very real sense, but the second is more difficult. I'm divorced and old. My existence consists of work, eating, more work, and sleeping. And cleaning out the cat litter box. Yeah, kitty might care if I drink...but maybe not, because I do it at home and she loves to have me hanging around.

A good way to combat that feeling is to write out some goals that you want to accomplish. You have the tremendous ability to give back to others through community service and make the world a better place.

I hope it gives you some comfort that we would care - truly.

Have you considered volunteering, JD?

Yeah, I do some volunteering at a men's shelter near where I work. Those dudes have a much rougher life than my pathetic self...and I love hanging out with them, because I think they appreciate the company. Actually, so do I.

You care. Or you wouldn't be thinking and posting about it. :)

Finding meaning and purpose... it's a grand thing.

Hi.
Coming from a place where I meet with a lot of alcoholics almost daily where we understand a lot of the complications of being sober and trying to get sober.
When someone becomes depressed for whatever reason it’s often suggested that we be grateful for what we have starting with our eyes, fingers, legs, home, family, job and on and on.

So often continued drinking results in the loss of so much we take for granted.

BE WELL

Hi JD seems to me Volenteering helps have you thought about applying to your local hospital for more Volenteer work thats where i done mine it felt good doing that

i want you to know you matter and your a friend of mine sorry you feel like this tomorrow is a new day

what do you used to enjoy to do hobby wise before the drink ?

I've been very involved in finding gainful, lasting employment but you're inspiring me JD. Is that good motivation?

When I drank, I couldn't or wouldn't do the hobbies I enjoy. Time just... passed and I sat and watched it. It certainly is one way to pass the time, but I find that I have a lot better ones now sober.

JD - sobriety can provide clarity and open doors / opportunities unimagened. I learned from others that self pity is simply pride in reverse. I am sure you're going through a difficult time and please don't take it the wrong way. Not meaning it to sound harsh - but frankly when I began to understand this a light went on.

Proud of you for helping others - that huge!
I started taking classes - I'm no spring chicken either. But, nothing is going to stop me fr living a full life as long as I am able.

You have a home, a job and I am sure many other things to be grateful for :)

Glad you're posting friend - missed ya !

FlyN

I think the question you are asking is not "who cares" but "why does it matter?" It is important to wrap your head around why it matters to you because sooner or later, the universe is going to dump something in your lap that will make drinking seem like an option worth considering. That's when "why does it matter" matters... and just might save your life.

I don't think "who cares" is a particularly relevant question. We all get a finite amount of time to live on this earth, and a much more inspiring and relevant question is what kind of life experience do you want to have? Choice allows for life to be lived anything from miserable survival to joyful fulfilment. There are many options, but the choice is ours.

P.S. Nice pic - my Dad has a small collection of restored Johnny poppers, so I have fond childhood memories of him with him sitting in the driver's seat with a big grin on his face as he'd drive them in circles around the barn.

Who cares?

You know the answer already........... You care. Deep down you want to lead a different life to just drinking, with the time you have.

There is a world of opportunity and stuff out there your view is blocked by a bottle.

It will become apparent with continued sobriety. It sure did for me.

I am divorced and old too...all that really care if I am here are my dog and cats...my kids love me but they are on their own now.My parents love me but I am sure they are ready for the other shoe to drop. In the end I care. I don't want to die from this and leave that legacy.

Yes indeed, very much!

Thanks, trachemys! :c011:

who cares was a real problem for me too. I had little self esteem and little left to show for my life.

But I found purpose again - for me it was service work - and that helped.

I also found that the longer I stayed sober the more my perception shifted - it was probably 3 months before I realised I had been thinking in the same negative cynical self loathing way that I had when I was drinking.

It took that long to shift, and that long for me to be aware oif it.

Everyone deserves happiness and a good life JD - you included - try and remember that the next time the AV comes calling :)

It's nothing but a termite that wants to tear you and your new life down.

D

If drinking did not cause any hangovers it would be easier for me to think "who cares?" But whether we are divorced, older, whatever, those hangovers are just too horrible to live with. Sometimes I don't think if it is abstaining from drinking. I think of it abstaining from hangovers!

I care.

And you can care, too.

My version of this used to be "F*** IT!!!".

And I finally came to realize that I was saying that to the person it hurt the very most...... me.

Give yourself some compassion.... try to look at yourself not as "divorced and old", but "experienced and valuable". Try looking inside and seeing that within you is a person to cherish and love. A person who deserves to be cared about. YOU can care about that person. You can freely and consciously make that choice each day. If you try it, you may find yourself answering the "who cares" thinking with "Me.... I do!!".

We alcoholics.... often we spend much of our lives offering help and love and support to so many, but ourselves. And inside is our own little Self, just wanting to be cared about.

Yay to the divorced and old club...I'm a member too! Great post....made me think. When my son leaves it will be me and my pup. My life feels repetitive at times too....but what I truly don't miss is the drama and chaos that came with my drinking. It wasn't fun drama and chaos. It was scary and negative. The drunk me used to dream of the life I'm living now :)

Yup - I'm single (divorced so long ago that I don't use that word to describe it any more), and have gotten stuck in the "who cares" place many a time. I live alone. I was a quiet and well-behaved drunk who just sat on the porch with my glasses of wine and my smokes, watching the trees and thinking. Who cares...?

Interestingly, right now my adult daughter is living with me. She has struggled with addiction and alcoholism issues for years now, and our contact has been sporadic due to her addictions. She lives in another state. To make a long story short, her life blew out due to her addictions and in that moment of complete despair and demoralization, she knew of one person who loved her and who was clean and sober and might know how to help her.

That's me.

If I were living my old "non-harming" alcoholic lifestyle, I would not have been available to her in this moment of crisis. My sobriety primes me for a sudden availability to anyone who needs me.

I don't know how her story will unfold. But I do know that on that day, a month ago, if she had called me with her crisis and I had sat on the porch drinking wine while I talked to her, she would have had no reason to come to live with me and try to get sober.

The universe works in mysterious ways. It could be that it "doesn't matter" that you are sober (to anyone but yourself) for months or years, and then one day there might be a moment in which someone needs you - emotionally or physically - to throw down and help them, and BECAUSE you are sober, you will be ready and able to do just that...