what does "loving yourself" mean to you?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I know that I drank because I hated myself. Really, why else would I poison myself?
So, for me, finding self-love was crucial to recovering. I had to pick myself up from the bottom and find things about myself that I liked/loved. It wasn't easy for me as I had spent years and years doing things for children/husband/family/friends, but not for me. So, learning to say 'No' was a big step in self-love for me.
So, for me, finding self-love was crucial to recovering. I had to pick myself up from the bottom and find things about myself that I liked/loved. It wasn't easy for me as I had spent years and years doing things for children/husband/family/friends, but not for me. So, learning to say 'No' was a big step in self-love for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 872
1.) Accepting yourself unconditionally (even finding a way to love all of your "flaws").
2.) Honoring your power (having the confidence to express your convictions and allowing yourself to feel your feelings).
2.) Honoring your power (having the confidence to express your convictions and allowing yourself to feel your feelings).
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'll echo Anna, as that was absolutely where I found myself at the end. Finding, at the very least, a way to accept myself, was crucial. Liking and loving came a little later and it came in spurts. Never linear. Kind of going forwards and backwards but increasing over time.
Accepting myself also helped me accept others.
I think forgiveness comes into play somewhere.
Accepting myself also helped me accept others.
I think forgiveness comes into play somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,324
For me, it means really listening to myself and hearing what I need. In my drinking past, I would rarely say no, at home or work, to various demands. I'd work myself to exhaustion and then drink to unwind or check out. I refuse to do that to myself anymore. I also think about my days and weeks, and plan special treats (flowers, lunch, a massage, special coffee) for the days I know are going to be particularly stressful. In sum, just because I'm a strong person and think I can "take it," doesn't mean I have to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Great thread, I realise I really don't like myself, and define myself by drink, which makes me hate myself as I just let myself down a lot. Can I like myself being an egotistical maniac????
I have always craved that others like me, and done double to be kind and thoughtful to everyone, but most people don't care, and don't like me much, I'm a bit loud and full on.... How do you know how to just be now the prop has gone.... Just have to wait and see I guess. I find it helpful so many have positive tales to tell, so I guess, jacksbean, it will happen if u take away the thing which makes everything bad! Good luck x
I have always craved that others like me, and done double to be kind and thoughtful to everyone, but most people don't care, and don't like me much, I'm a bit loud and full on.... How do you know how to just be now the prop has gone.... Just have to wait and see I guess. I find it helpful so many have positive tales to tell, so I guess, jacksbean, it will happen if u take away the thing which makes everything bad! Good luck x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
My view is that a healthy sense of self (and self love) is when the primary source is from within, but at the same time we do care about being a member of the community, meaning we care about what others think of us and our actions. Especially people close to us. It's all about the balance.
My default thinking, when I was young and for a long time, was that "I don't give a *** what others think of me", I am myself and will do what I want. I did not do this from some sort of rebellious attitude, it was more really not caring (well, the reason for this is more complicated and won't get into it now). Perhaps a bit due to receiving a bit too much attention when I did not want, in my childhood and youth. I think this is just as unhealthy as relying overly on external validation and "love" from the outside. Makes one kinda schizoid and isolated from developing social bounds. It also does not provide a truly strong source of self-confidence, more just a fake one. So learning to actually place myself in the larger picture and trying to find how I could gain acceptance and appreciation from that source, my way, was also an important growth experience for me. It's helped me a lot, if nothing else, to have a more stable motivation to try to be a productive member of society and stuff like that... I just remembered this now reading enfinthechange's post above and thought perhaps someone could relate.
Like everything, it's all about finding a healthy and functional balance.
My default thinking, when I was young and for a long time, was that "I don't give a *** what others think of me", I am myself and will do what I want. I did not do this from some sort of rebellious attitude, it was more really not caring (well, the reason for this is more complicated and won't get into it now). Perhaps a bit due to receiving a bit too much attention when I did not want, in my childhood and youth. I think this is just as unhealthy as relying overly on external validation and "love" from the outside. Makes one kinda schizoid and isolated from developing social bounds. It also does not provide a truly strong source of self-confidence, more just a fake one. So learning to actually place myself in the larger picture and trying to find how I could gain acceptance and appreciation from that source, my way, was also an important growth experience for me. It's helped me a lot, if nothing else, to have a more stable motivation to try to be a productive member of society and stuff like that... I just remembered this now reading enfinthechange's post above and thought perhaps someone could relate.
Like everything, it's all about finding a healthy and functional balance.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Originally Posted by upminer 
your avatar says it all.... That's where I am. I don't care if my family understands or my friends understand it's about being true to myself I've finally forgiven myself of my actions while drinking. Others need to as well or they won't be a part of my life. Obviously I'm relatively new but as time goes on if people constantly want to bring up my drinking past they won't be in my future.
I'm sure at this point I'm just rambling to you..never mind.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by PrettyAngelDove
Good advice for those that need it, but I don't recall A time I drank because I hated myself...many others reasons including not knowing why I did but as far as know know that don't apply to me.
Keep coming back!
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by haennie
My view is that a healthy sense of self (and self love) is when the primary source is from within, but at the same time we do care about being a member of the community, meaning we care about what others think of us and our actions. Especially people close to us. It's all about the balance.
My default thinking, when I was young and for a long time, was that "I don't give a *** what others think of me", I am myself and will do what I want. I did not do this from some sort of rebellious attitude, it was more really not caring (well, the reason for this is more complicated and won't get into it now). Perhaps a bit due to receiving a bit too much attention when I did not want, in my childhood and youth. I think this is just as unhealthy as relying overly on external validation and "love" from the outside. Makes one kinda schizoid and isolated from developing social bounds. It also does not provide a truly strong source of self-confidence, more just a fake one. So learning to actually place myself in the larger picture and trying to find how I could gain acceptance and appreciation from that source, my way, was also an important growth experience for me. It's helped me a lot, if nothing else, to have a more stable motivation to try to be a productive member of society and stuff like that... I just remembered this now reading enfinthechange's post above and thought perhaps someone could relate.
Like everything, it's all about finding a healthy and functional balance.
My default thinking, when I was young and for a long time, was that "I don't give a *** what others think of me", I am myself and will do what I want. I did not do this from some sort of rebellious attitude, it was more really not caring (well, the reason for this is more complicated and won't get into it now). Perhaps a bit due to receiving a bit too much attention when I did not want, in my childhood and youth. I think this is just as unhealthy as relying overly on external validation and "love" from the outside. Makes one kinda schizoid and isolated from developing social bounds. It also does not provide a truly strong source of self-confidence, more just a fake one. So learning to actually place myself in the larger picture and trying to find how I could gain acceptance and appreciation from that source, my way, was also an important growth experience for me. It's helped me a lot, if nothing else, to have a more stable motivation to try to be a productive member of society and stuff like that... I just remembered this now reading enfinthechange's post above and thought perhaps someone could relate.
Like everything, it's all about finding a healthy and functional balance.
I'm just at that point where I'm realising that being part of a wider society and actually contributing something (rather than being a misfit and always looking in from the outside) is actually a good thing !
Took me long enough
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