misscostalot

I'm still in a binge drinking cycle as I feel so very lonely in my life at the moment. I have no idea where I want to be or what I want to do and have encoutered a series of destructive relationships (if you can call them that) over the past year. Im just done with it.

I know drinking doesn't help - it makes me angry and I make stupid decisions which I later hate myself for.

A friend told me that i need to learn to love myself. I have no idea how you can just do this, if it isn't something that comes naturally. Don't get me wrong, on the outside Im a cheerful person who is always laughing. . . on the inside I am so lonely and sad.

I let people down all the time, can't make decisions and make an utter fool of mself when it comes to guys. I just want this to stop before it destroys me.

Soberjoy1

I don't know if you are into this sort of thing, but check out Louise Hay. All of her work revolves around learning to love and accept ourselves, as we are right now. She has helped me.

And please stop drinking. I always thought I drank because I was depressed. Now I know that I was depressed when I drank. Our brains do not function well when they are being poisoned.

Be well. Sending you a virtual hug.

sugarbear1

we begin at the beginning. put down the drink, as Salgal said, "Our brains do not function well when they are being poisoned."

This is a strong beginning!!

FreeOwl

But what you probably don't understand right now is how deeply drinking is to blame for all that you're struggling with.


Start by choosing sobriety. Focus everything you've got on that. As you get further and further from your last drink, more and more will be revealed and begin to make sense....

If you just choose sobriety and open the door to the rest, you will be amazed. Before you know it, you will look back in puzzlement that you didn't see it all along.

Ruby2

I used to go chasing guys and did stupid things and hung out in bars because I was lonely and uncomfortable with myself. Doing that actually made it a lot worse. Drinking added to the problem. I became "that girl" a barfly who the decent guys didn't want to be involved with because all I seemed to have going for me was drinking. They used me as much as I used them and I felt really empty inside and needed more because I felt so empty. It's a vicious circle.

Start by not drinking. I didn't start feeling better about myself until I did stop drinking. I started accepting who I was and not who I pretended to be. I learned that I was actually an okay person. Try volunteering with a cause or location that interests you and you will meet like minded people. Doesn't have to be soup kitchens or food pantries. Museums have volunteers. Political campaigns run on volunteers.

I took it one day at a time but first I had to stop hanging out in bars. And stopped drinking. You can do it. It seems foreign at first. But for me, it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

PrettyAngelDove

I really don't know but I would say first put down the bottle or take it with you to detox ( they will dispose of it there for you, if that what you want or they will welcome you back another time if not). Then after you are sober I think saying one nice thing to yourself about yourself daily or writing one is a good start. Btw, People have told me I give great advice in the past....now only if I could take my own advice. :p

misscostalot

Thanks so much for your support guys. . . really Im so grateful.
I will check out Louise Hay Salgal as I think this might help me enormously. Ruby2, yeah. . . I don't want to be "that bar girl" where guys just use and abuse me.
I honestly don't know if drinking causes me depression or vice versa, but anyway, I know it doesn't help!
thanks for the kind words everyone. xxxx

mns1

Your post gives me hope and here's why.

I have worked in a bar setting for many years now and I have watched countless young women get hit on by guys who want nothing more than to sleep with them. These particular types of guys don't care about your thoughts, feelings, opinions, passions or desires other than to manipulate them to make you want to sleep with them. And it always bothered me that the girls just went along with it.

Eventually I began to think that when young women sleep with enough random guys, they actually start to believe that they really don't deserve anything better. They start to have a negative self-image that only reinforces the behavior.

The fact that you are here and you realize that you deserve more really makes me hopeful. Forgive yourself, work proactively towards being sober, and find a guy who will treat you with all the dignity and respect that every young lady should be treated with.

upminer

I'm not loving myself or anyone other than my kids at the moment. I've tried to work on my marriage but I think it's too little too late I don't expect everything to be perfect after 8 years of this and 2 months sober but the last few days I've been feeling like its her problem not mine and I'm ok with that... Maybe I'm beginning to find in myself what I used to seek in alcohol and maybe it was never in my marriage... I'm still really confused about the aspect of loving yourself in all of this. My wife gets mad when I talk about the success I've had through these 2 months of not drinking alcohol. She says she's sick of hearing about it. Me I want to talk about it because I am proud of it...

trachemys

You know what I learned in this life?

I love myself.

If I didn't love myself, I would already have killed myself with drugs and drink. I could have done it many times. I never did.

Neither did you.

You cam here trying to straighten out your life. You love yourself NOW. Hang on to that. Work with that.