mavrick

100%

trachemys

As before: "get it done".

I salvaged my relationship with my sisters and parents by simply getting it done. By being available anytime night and day, sober and able.

Get it done.

FreeOwl

Good news is you can choose not to be.

AA again. 12 steps again. Treatment. Keep at it.

mavrick

Feeling better guys, thanks for being there. Haven't drank today.

sugarbear1

Awesome!

trachemys

Made up?

Wastinglife

I can only imagine how many other families are going through the same situation right now. One spouse holed up with a hangover/withdrawal symptoms while the other spouse who doesn't have a substance abuse issue is running the household and frustrated.

It's a new year and an opportunity for a fresh start. If u need to 'sleep it off' for a day to recover, that may be your best course of action. I know those panic attacks and guilt you are experiencing but it's the booze that's the culprit. Coming off a binge is tough but if u stay sober, u will be back to normal in a day or two.

Carlotta

I am going to put my F&F hat on for a minute here Trachemys. There is really no "making up"
Past a certain point, as the partner of an alcoholic you are sick and tired of hearing I'm sorry and not only you don't believe it but it actually is more irritating than anything else.
Words are empty, actions speak.

I do not condone what your wife does either. Slamming the doors, calling you names and bringing the kids into the mix is way out of line. I am an ACOA and that was the dynamics at home. Your alcoholism has affected her deeply too and you are not the only one who needs help and healing: she does too and unless you two straighten up, your kids are going to grow up being messed up! (check out the ACOA forum here).
You might think that drinking is your business (especially if you work and are not abusive) but it affects the family as a whole.

I hope you do everything possible to achieve and maintain long term sobriety Mavrick.. Are you going to go to the doctor on Monday and to AA (or seek other kind of help)?

Soberwolf

Well done Maverick on not drinking

Hope4Life

Hi Mavrick,

Since you are already familiar with AA and the steps, get to a meeting ASAP and throw your hand up as a newcomer. Listen and stick around after the meeting and talk with some other alcoholics. Do Step 1 TODAY! You need to admit to yourself, deeply, that you are the problem and the only way you are going to change is if you turn your will and your life over to a power greater than you.

I think that today's daily reflection may help you... here it is:

"POWERLESS
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21
It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live."

Work it Mavrick and don't EVER stop trying.

Good Luck!

Sasha4

Actions speak louder than words.

I'm a woman.
I get grumpy.
Here's my advice.

Take kids out to cinema, swimming, whatever, so she can have a few hours peace.
Help out in the house.
Keep a low profile for a bit.
Be sorry and mean it.

You never have to feel or made to feel like his again if you don't want.
Just don't pick up that first drink xx

Alynn

You can turn this around! Sound advice here!!! I know you can turn it around mavrick for yourself, wife and kids. Make it a new day and seek out the help you need.

OklaBH

man Im so sorry. This is what happens and Im all to familiar with it. My only saving grace was this site, working with my doctor, AA & daily prayer.Until your can get to the doctor I would check out a meeting. do it for you!

mavrick

Ive showered,eaten and cleaned my teeth.
Just wish I could switch off my head. I'm going over my latest binge and there are some things going through my head that I can't make out weather I actually said that night or I dreamt.
The guilt is crippling.

Hope4Life

Mavrick,

I used to have panic and anxiety attacks when I was drinking. The ONLY way I could get them to stop was to get up and get moving. Maybe you could take the kids for a walk or to the shopping mall to walk, if the weather is too cold to be outside.

I agree that your actions will work much better than words at this point. Giving your wife some time alone to relax is a great idea. DO IT!

Carlotta

Get yourself to an AA meeting and don't make a huge deal of announcing it to your wife. Just go.
Feeling guilty will accomplish nothing, taking action will.

Soberwolf

Maverick write this guilt down asap get it out your system on the page

then write down what youl do & continue to do for your sobriety and every reason why you shouldnt drink

sign it & mean it to yourself your so worth this Maverick i think your amazing bud

trachemys

Yes there is. There is, as I said, getting on your knees and begging forgiveness and help. Follow through is necessary, but you start begging.

Carlotta

I was in a relationship with an active alcoholic. After a while, his begging was absolutely meaningless to me. Unless you have been in a relationship with an active alcoholic while sober yourself, you have absolutely no idea what it is like. If you don't believe me, go ask in the Friends and Family forum what they think about the Alcohoolic begging for forgiveness and enjoy the reception they give you LOL.
My XABF never found sobriety and committed suicide last year by jumping under a train

Seren

Most of us on the F&F side have heard the begging....from our alcoholic/addict husbands or wives, sons or daughters, brothers or sisters, even parents. The on the knees kind of begging with real tears and sincere sounding remorse. We do believe that in that moment, our addicted loved ones actually mean it.

But....we have heard it so many times before only to be disappointed over and over and over and over again with yet another relapse, another black out drunken episode, another evening we get to spend alone because someone was 'in the drink'.

The only thing we will believe at this point...action. Once the actions match the words, then we know the sincere recovery is beginning to happen. At this point, actions are the only thing we look for.