traumatized from near death experience
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: MS
Posts: 50
traumatized from near death experience
In case you all didn't read my previous thread about my recent alcohol poisoning and hospitalization, I drank way too much on New Years and became unconscious, vomited which went into my lungs and I stopped breathing and had to have a tube in my lungs, an IV and cathedar to ''clean'' me out. I don't remember any of it except waking up in a hospital bed with tubes all in me.The reason I'm posting this now, is its starting to seem more real and setting in the fact that I almost died the other day and I'm traumatized from it. It seems more real than it did after it first happened. I've tried quitting drinking before, and I'm very well aware im an alcoholic. I just don't know where to go for emotional support. I don't have a large support group. Obviously I'm terrified to ever drink again. I realize how much I value my life now.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,371
I had a similar experience and was similarly traumatized - I went through a period of anxiety and hypochondria - but things sorted themselves out in the end 
Like I said before, tho - fear is a powerful force...but please don't count on fear as your recovery plan.
Fear, even the gravest terror, fades with time.
Make a strong durable and effective recovery plan jm
D
Like I said before, tho - fear is a powerful force...but please don't count on fear as your recovery plan.
Fear, even the gravest terror, fades with time.
Make a strong durable and effective recovery plan jm
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
JM, I find coming here daily, perusing, posting and identifying helps tremendously. If more personal is what you're looking for there are of course peer-group support meetings everywhere. Maybe a counselor or addiction specialist would resonate. I flipped a '68 mustang end over end longways with 4 in the car at age 17. Best friend unconscious and bleeding, myself ejected but not hurt. I cried and paced and vowed and.......was drinking 3 days later with the same people laughing about it. AV fully developed by age 17. I'm 53 now and my last binge nearly killed me too (it was almost 7 months long). I also highly recommend this:Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information Best Wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
I too find coming on here several times a day just reading posts is helping me a lot.
I am a binge drinker so dont get the urge everyday but this site is helping restore the reasons why i need to stop, today is going to be a tough one, its saturday and i will soon be getting the "tonights plan" texts, this will be my first real test today and i admit im scared.
I have to remind myself why i am doing this, i make decisions i wouldnt while sober ( i too have been in a car that flipped, not the driver but i knew the driver was drunk) i would have walked being sober as i hate being a passenger at the best of times. I say horrible things, annoy people, repeat myself, think i know best, put my foot in it. The list goes on
Keep reading, posting and remembering why you are doing this
I am a binge drinker so dont get the urge everyday but this site is helping restore the reasons why i need to stop, today is going to be a tough one, its saturday and i will soon be getting the "tonights plan" texts, this will be my first real test today and i admit im scared.
I have to remind myself why i am doing this, i make decisions i wouldnt while sober ( i too have been in a car that flipped, not the driver but i knew the driver was drunk) i would have walked being sober as i hate being a passenger at the best of times. I say horrible things, annoy people, repeat myself, think i know best, put my foot in it. The list goes on
Keep reading, posting and remembering why you are doing this
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I'm coming up on two years sober in a few months and I still have PTSD from my last run. I'll spare the details but, in short, I ended up like you, in the ICU, waking up from a coma on life support, tube down my throat and everything.
For the first 6 months of my sobriety, I was afraid to fall asleep because it felt like dying. I had flashbacks and nightmares daily. I'll be honest, that fear of ending up back in the ICU or dead kept me sober in the beginning. But it wasn't enough to KEEP me sober.
Personally, I've found comfort and support in AA. Working the steps has taught me ways to process and deal with what I did to myself with alcohol. I initially thought that my experience was unique. That no one could understand what I had been though. But then I started hearing people share in AA that they had been through what I had been through. I didn't feel so alone.
Having gone through the steps, I now sleep soundly. My past experiences no longer haunt me. I live for today and am grateful I had the opportunity to wake up from that coma and have a second chance at life. I even volunteer to bring AA meetings to the psych/drug and alcohol unit at the hospital that saved my life.
The emotional support and guidance you are seeking is out there if you're willing to reach out and ask for it, and then do the work. It can relieve your trauma and give you a shot at a good, sober life.
Good luck!
For the first 6 months of my sobriety, I was afraid to fall asleep because it felt like dying. I had flashbacks and nightmares daily. I'll be honest, that fear of ending up back in the ICU or dead kept me sober in the beginning. But it wasn't enough to KEEP me sober.
Personally, I've found comfort and support in AA. Working the steps has taught me ways to process and deal with what I did to myself with alcohol. I initially thought that my experience was unique. That no one could understand what I had been though. But then I started hearing people share in AA that they had been through what I had been through. I didn't feel so alone.
Having gone through the steps, I now sleep soundly. My past experiences no longer haunt me. I live for today and am grateful I had the opportunity to wake up from that coma and have a second chance at life. I even volunteer to bring AA meetings to the psych/drug and alcohol unit at the hospital that saved my life.
The emotional support and guidance you are seeking is out there if you're willing to reach out and ask for it, and then do the work. It can relieve your trauma and give you a shot at a good, sober life.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 8
**My prior post did not go through. I apologize in case it double posts.
Jmbrandon87. I am so glad you are still with us!
You have a very large support group. You have us.
Perhaps you can write down every single emotion you are experiencing or record your own voice and use your recent experiences as a tool for the times you begin to believe you can drink again.
You have great worth to us. This is a cunning and deceitful addiction that will not stop until we are dead or wish we were. By sharing your experience with us, you have made certain that this terrifying experience was not in vain. Nothing, no experience, is wasted if it leads us out of the prison of addiction.
The way I see it, you have been given the gift of a true wake up call. It proves you are not alone. There is still hope that things will get better going forward.
We are here for you. Virtual hug
Be kind to yourself because you now deserve it more than ever before.
Jmbrandon87. I am so glad you are still with us!
You have a very large support group. You have us.
Perhaps you can write down every single emotion you are experiencing or record your own voice and use your recent experiences as a tool for the times you begin to believe you can drink again.
You have great worth to us. This is a cunning and deceitful addiction that will not stop until we are dead or wish we were. By sharing your experience with us, you have made certain that this terrifying experience was not in vain. Nothing, no experience, is wasted if it leads us out of the prison of addiction.
The way I see it, you have been given the gift of a true wake up call. It proves you are not alone. There is still hope that things will get better going forward.
We are here for you. Virtual hug
Be kind to yourself because you now deserve it more than ever before.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
its always the people who suffer the most that seem to want to help others and devote there time in life in doing so well done digdug your the kind of aa memeber i will listen to as you are really giving and working that program
to those who nearly died from the drink and had that fear of death face them as a real thing i understand so much how you value being sober and how you value a second chance in life i am the same as i lost so much and was given a chance to get it back again and rebuild my life
i see it over and over again in aa those who end up with nothng or near death end up being the most grateful aa members and really do go out of there way to help others
i dont know why that is maybe other people dont really believe with there hearts that things like what happens will happen to them until of course it does happen to them
as you know about that fear of dying and the tremendous feeling there is when you can look back and see you got away with it and got a chance
it makes me come to see just how brave my little 16 year old son was who got no second chances in life he got cancer, suffered, had all the fear in the world of dying and no chance for him its soul destroying stuff that should make anyone sit up and value there lives but it doesnt
anyway the fear will be a huge tool in the tool box that others will not have nor will they understand it either if they never have been there but the thing that i have found i must do is maintain my sobriety and being around new comers gives me that snap shot always of just what it was like
i let other do my drinking for me these days
but if only we could bottle that fear or install what really does happen to people without them having to go through it and finding out for themselves
to those who nearly died from the drink and had that fear of death face them as a real thing i understand so much how you value being sober and how you value a second chance in life i am the same as i lost so much and was given a chance to get it back again and rebuild my life
i see it over and over again in aa those who end up with nothng or near death end up being the most grateful aa members and really do go out of there way to help others
i dont know why that is maybe other people dont really believe with there hearts that things like what happens will happen to them until of course it does happen to them
as you know about that fear of dying and the tremendous feeling there is when you can look back and see you got away with it and got a chance
it makes me come to see just how brave my little 16 year old son was who got no second chances in life he got cancer, suffered, had all the fear in the world of dying and no chance for him its soul destroying stuff that should make anyone sit up and value there lives but it doesnt
anyway the fear will be a huge tool in the tool box that others will not have nor will they understand it either if they never have been there but the thing that i have found i must do is maintain my sobriety and being around new comers gives me that snap shot always of just what it was like
i let other do my drinking for me these days
but if only we could bottle that fear or install what really does happen to people without them having to go through it and finding out for themselves
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Here's the good news. Your experience was directly related to something you can change and you've been blessed with the inspiration to do so.
I quit the evening I went to the hospital (and could have died) from a stage 2-3 heart block that turned out to a result of Lyme Disease. Before my condition was figured out- I thought my health issues were related to alcohol and committed to my wife and son that I was going to stop drinking.
I don't think a lot about what could have happened (and was tangentially related to alcohol since when I was drinking I wasn't a big fan of doctors / blood work) since the end result has been very positive.
You've been given another chance. Be grateful and make some lasting changes.
I quit the evening I went to the hospital (and could have died) from a stage 2-3 heart block that turned out to a result of Lyme Disease. Before my condition was figured out- I thought my health issues were related to alcohol and committed to my wife and son that I was going to stop drinking.
I don't think a lot about what could have happened (and was tangentially related to alcohol since when I was drinking I wasn't a big fan of doctors / blood work) since the end result has been very positive.
You've been given another chance. Be grateful and make some lasting changes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
This time last year, I woke up on my bathroom floor in a pool of blood. Looked in the mirror and saw my entire face and shirt caked in dried blood and a massive scalp laceration that exposed my skull. Even the paramedics and doctors were taken aback when they saw me. Over 30 staples to close the wound. I must have been unconscious for 4 or 5 hours. I live alone so who knows how that could have ended if I didn't wake up and call an ambulance. Hit my head on the bathtub I think.
That scared the wits out of me. Still see that image I saw in the mirror when close my eyes. Have a scar now to remind me why I can't drink, but it's the psychological scar that haunts me. Only one option, no alcohol ever again.
Keep posting. It helps to talk about it.
That scared the wits out of me. Still see that image I saw in the mirror when close my eyes. Have a scar now to remind me why I can't drink, but it's the psychological scar that haunts me. Only one option, no alcohol ever again.
Keep posting. It helps to talk about it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi jmbrandon.
Well, that is not for the faint of heart, but as you can see on the boards, many people here have had experiences with near death. I did not have one related to drinking (not that I know of), but due to other types of self destructive behaviors when I was 19. I don't know if it's lucky or not, but I do to this day remember lots about mine very vividly, and I was one of those people whose subjective experience ended up being far from terrifying... quite the opposite. Now where this may or may not come from is not something that I would want to discuss, but the aftermath is worth mentioning. As far as I could see, people seem to differ in terms of whether or not we can use these types of traumas (our near death experiences or the passing of others) constructively for healing. For me, I've had multiple occasions in my life showing me that I can use them to make a sudden, often unexpected, U-turn with my life. So that thing when I was 19... almost from the day after I gained a previously unknown motivation and clarity in what to do with my life and how to recover from a pretty *** period that seemed to stagnate for a while. This sort of experience repeated a couple more times later in my life, when I had been through the dying or loss of other people close to me. One of these was also a sort of final kick for me to get sober for good, when I spent the last days with a good friend who was dying of cancer... without details, I know without doubt it contributed to a turning point that led to decision that I will get sober no matter what. I did in the month following it.
This is just my experience... I hope you will be able to use yours for a good purpose. It sort of sounds that way since you are posting about it in this direction. I really believe that it is possible to turn that fear into something that's quite the opposite... but as you said, most often it requires new effort, some external support, etc. Well, you are here on SR, a good start. Try to explore whatever recovery method you can find, experiment with them and see what works for you
Well, that is not for the faint of heart, but as you can see on the boards, many people here have had experiences with near death. I did not have one related to drinking (not that I know of), but due to other types of self destructive behaviors when I was 19. I don't know if it's lucky or not, but I do to this day remember lots about mine very vividly, and I was one of those people whose subjective experience ended up being far from terrifying... quite the opposite. Now where this may or may not come from is not something that I would want to discuss, but the aftermath is worth mentioning. As far as I could see, people seem to differ in terms of whether or not we can use these types of traumas (our near death experiences or the passing of others) constructively for healing. For me, I've had multiple occasions in my life showing me that I can use them to make a sudden, often unexpected, U-turn with my life. So that thing when I was 19... almost from the day after I gained a previously unknown motivation and clarity in what to do with my life and how to recover from a pretty *** period that seemed to stagnate for a while. This sort of experience repeated a couple more times later in my life, when I had been through the dying or loss of other people close to me. One of these was also a sort of final kick for me to get sober for good, when I spent the last days with a good friend who was dying of cancer... without details, I know without doubt it contributed to a turning point that led to decision that I will get sober no matter what. I did in the month following it.
This is just my experience... I hope you will be able to use yours for a good purpose. It sort of sounds that way since you are posting about it in this direction. I really believe that it is possible to turn that fear into something that's quite the opposite... but as you said, most often it requires new effort, some external support, etc. Well, you are here on SR, a good start. Try to explore whatever recovery method you can find, experiment with them and see what works for you
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
JM, we are here for you. It helps to read and post. Talking about it just as you're doing now will help you deal with the feelings. I empathize with you, as I lost my mom from a similar situation that you found yourself in.
As Dee as said, it's very important to figure out how you're going to approach your recovery at this point. What do you think you're going to do as far as sticking with a plan or program? Which program resonates with you? AA or something secular like AVRT?
Here for you...
As Dee as said, it's very important to figure out how you're going to approach your recovery at this point. What do you think you're going to do as far as sticking with a plan or program? Which program resonates with you? AA or something secular like AVRT?
Here for you...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Dee is correct. Fear was my motivation at the outset of my recovery, but at some point, you need to deal with the fact that the fear will diminish and you need a plan to stay in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I had a similar experience and was similarly traumatized - I went through a period of anxiety and hypochondria - but things sorted themselves out in the end
Like I said before, tho - fear is a powerful force...but please don't count on fear as your recovery plan.
Fear, even the gravest terror, fades with time.
Make a strong durable and effective recovery plan jm
D
Like I said before, tho - fear is a powerful force...but please don't count on fear as your recovery plan.
Fear, even the gravest terror, fades with time.
Make a strong durable and effective recovery plan jm
D
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
As Dee says, "Don't count on fear as a recovery plan." I ended up in a hospital because of alcohol withdrawal that nearly killed me." The next day after I was released I was drinking again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 75
Hi, jmbrandon87: I'm relatively new to sobriety, so I don't have any time-tested advice. I have found a lot of support from my local A.A. group. I've met face-to-face with some supportive members who can relate to a lot of my struggles. The first day I attended, I left with three numbers of people who were willing to pick up whenever I found myself struggling. It may take a bit of courage to make the first call, but it's worth the support.
The online SR community has been irreplaceable for me during the past couple days. I can recommend reaching out to its members for extra love and support.
The online SR community has been irreplaceable for me during the past couple days. I can recommend reaching out to its members for extra love and support.
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