How many times did you relapse and what made sobriety acheivable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 158
How many times did you relapse and what made sobriety acheivable
I can't stop the cycle. I try so hard and it all goes to waste. I can keepaway from liquor for 3-4 days...then my body feels "strong" and "rested" enough for a binge night and my alcoholic inner voice just DOMINIATES. Every time I start day 1, it is 100% with the intention of sobriety. Come day 4, that sober voice is just so tiny and insignificant to the big strong alcohol choosing voice. I have failed so many times in 2 months, its driving me insane. What got you over that last big hurdle? In that movie Cast Away, I picture my day 4 of soberness as that part where Tom Hanks has to hurdle over that last HUGE wave to escape that island he was trapped on. And until he doesn't beat that wave, hes right back at the island alone forever. I need wings it seems.
Thanks
Thanks
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I didn't relapse. I quit drinking after 35 years and towards the end, it was a bottle a day of Smirnoff, every day. Sobriety was achievable for me because I decided it was going to happen. Even if nobody had ever gotten sober before me in the history of mankind, it was going to be me. Nothing was ever ever going to stop me or change my mind. I was never going to drink again. Ever.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I went back to drinking too many times to count. SR made a big difference tho 
It was much harder to rationalise that I was ok and didn't have a problem when the problem was there, written in my words, and repeated in many other peoples stories here too.
D
It was much harder to rationalise that I was ok and didn't have a problem when the problem was there, written in my words, and repeated in many other peoples stories here too.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Same as you, I used to feel "healed" after 4 days and ready for another bender. Days 4-10 seemed to be the toughest because I was over the misery but still very much within the clutches of my AV. I'm not sure how many times I tried but what helped to get me to 40 days this time was sheer willpower, SR support, and putting sobriety as my #1 priority in life - I just refused to let myself fail. This probably doesn't help much but I have the feeling that if you just power through a couple weeks, you will find that it does indeed get much easier. Good luck, you can do it if you really try!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Posts: 214
I can keepaway from liquor for 3-4 days...then my body feels "strong" and "rested" enough for a binge night and my alcoholic inner voice just DOMINIATES.
For me I admitted to having a problem in 2008. From 2008 - 2012 there were endless attempts to get sober (similar to yours above) and a whole lot of wreckage along the way. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not sure if it was prayer or what?! Finally when I passed 90 days of consecutive sobriety, I just decided to keep going. The longer I go the harder it is to imagine trying to go back.
For me I admitted to having a problem in 2008. From 2008 - 2012 there were endless attempts to get sober (similar to yours above) and a whole lot of wreckage along the way. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm not sure if it was prayer or what?! Finally when I passed 90 days of consecutive sobriety, I just decided to keep going. The longer I go the harder it is to imagine trying to go back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 69
I can think of a few times that I decided it was time to "control" my drinking (which of course did not work), but I haven't relapsed since I decided it was time to finally quit drinking nearly four years ago. The evidence of the destruction that I caused has been clear enough to me to keep me clean.
I had a much harder time quitting smoking cigarettes, though.
I had a much harder time quitting smoking cigarettes, though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
No relapses. Years of painkiller abuse at finally 10-12 a day and a valium/ativan chaser. Just got tired of that awful life and decided enough was enough. 17 months drug free.
Got deathly serious, cut myself off from everything, rode it out.
Got deathly serious, cut myself off from everything, rode it out.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Tom Hanks succeeded because he had the right tools for the job- determination, a good raft, a good sail. He worked out the wind direction etc , and knew exactly what he was doing.
And he also had Wilson of course, for moral support.
You need a plan, just like him.
You need to know what you will do when that AV knocks. Will you post on here, will you eat ice cream or go for a walk ? You have to distract yourself when it comes, if you want to break over that wave. You have to want it as much as Tom did, too.
I failed many times, but one day it just stuck because I wanted it more than I wanted to stay drunk.
You can do this !!
It's only ever one day at a time that you have to stay sober for. One day. You can do that !
And he also had Wilson of course, for moral support.
You need a plan, just like him.
You need to know what you will do when that AV knocks. Will you post on here, will you eat ice cream or go for a walk ? You have to distract yourself when it comes, if you want to break over that wave. You have to want it as much as Tom did, too.
I failed many times, but one day it just stuck because I wanted it more than I wanted to stay drunk.
You can do this !!
It's only ever one day at a time that you have to stay sober for. One day. You can do that !
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I started getting sober ten years ago when I was 27, turning 28. During that ten year stretch I shifted from the mindset of knowing I needed to get sober, to visualizing my life without alcohol. It was a powerful thing to finally want to live sober. I imagined what things might be like if I was no longer a drinker. My husband was my biggest supporter. It was a new marriage, and likely would've fallen apart had I not gotten sober. My alcoholic mom's suicide just four years ago changed me forever, and changed how I want to live.
I'd suggest putting down the alcohol by whatever means it takes. Time and time again, the stories indicate things only get worse as the drinking progresses. No one needs to "bottom out" and lose it all. After all, you may not even survive your bottoming out.
I focused solely on sobriety the first year and half. I started out my last sobriety stint with a 20 day outpatient program, four hours per day. It was my choice to go. I felt a need to formalize things in this way. The group therapy aspect of IOP was invaluable to me. I processed a lot in that month. The education we received about the neuroscience behind addiction proved to be the most helpful to me.
I followed IOP up with some AA meeting attendance, though I never took to AA really. I did read the Big Book, got a sponsor, made it to Step 4 and then finished the rest of the steps up on my own.
I attended Continuing Care meetings at the IOP facility for a while.
I also attended Women For Sobriety face to face meetings.
I've read a lot of books on recovery and addiction. I keep a running list of them all in my photo album here on my profile page. Those books, along with SR helped me more than anything. Reading and posting, routinely. Staying accountable. Making friends here, following their recoveries, and connecting.
I don't think the program you use matters as much as how much you want sobriety, and whether you are willing to tough out those initial days of urges and cravings when the AV is hammering away inside your head. It really does get better as time goes along. The brain heals. The emotions die down a bit. Life becomes doable.
You can do it!
I'd suggest putting down the alcohol by whatever means it takes. Time and time again, the stories indicate things only get worse as the drinking progresses. No one needs to "bottom out" and lose it all. After all, you may not even survive your bottoming out.
I focused solely on sobriety the first year and half. I started out my last sobriety stint with a 20 day outpatient program, four hours per day. It was my choice to go. I felt a need to formalize things in this way. The group therapy aspect of IOP was invaluable to me. I processed a lot in that month. The education we received about the neuroscience behind addiction proved to be the most helpful to me.
I followed IOP up with some AA meeting attendance, though I never took to AA really. I did read the Big Book, got a sponsor, made it to Step 4 and then finished the rest of the steps up on my own.
I attended Continuing Care meetings at the IOP facility for a while.
I also attended Women For Sobriety face to face meetings.
I've read a lot of books on recovery and addiction. I keep a running list of them all in my photo album here on my profile page. Those books, along with SR helped me more than anything. Reading and posting, routinely. Staying accountable. Making friends here, following their recoveries, and connecting.
I don't think the program you use matters as much as how much you want sobriety, and whether you are willing to tough out those initial days of urges and cravings when the AV is hammering away inside your head. It really does get better as time goes along. The brain heals. The emotions die down a bit. Life becomes doable.
You can do it!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I would suggest crushing the AV with all the positive things sobriety will bring
Going down that drinking road is a dead end accepting that is key
Sometimes i sat with it i also went mtns i went to group i spoke to my local addiction team i learned to REACH OUT i put that in capitals to highlight its significance
With SR you can reach out 24/7 & youl get a reply which is awesome
I compare my sobriety to that bit in the film once over the wave its a lot calmer you can do this youl have all of us supporting you
there will be hard days but there will be some of the best days of your life & trust me its worth it
if i was getting a bad deal out of sobriety do you think id be sober ?
it is very very possible bud this is my first time sober over 18 days it took me 3 months to finally get where i am now which is 12 days away from 18 months sober
Going down that drinking road is a dead end accepting that is key
Sometimes i sat with it i also went mtns i went to group i spoke to my local addiction team i learned to REACH OUT i put that in capitals to highlight its significance
With SR you can reach out 24/7 & youl get a reply which is awesome
I compare my sobriety to that bit in the film once over the wave its a lot calmer you can do this youl have all of us supporting you
there will be hard days but there will be some of the best days of your life & trust me its worth it
if i was getting a bad deal out of sobriety do you think id be sober ?
it is very very possible bud this is my first time sober over 18 days it took me 3 months to finally get where i am now which is 12 days away from 18 months sober
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
I am sort of like Freshstart in some ways. I did drink for many years - stated many times, I'm done! Only to drink again - many times the next day.
The scary thing was I really meant it to varying degrees.
In June of last year it was different. I had reached an epiphany and knew it was over - I was sick and tired.
Since that time I have not drank. I intend on never drinking again.
I think one has to truly be ready to quit to be serious. Alcohol is just to predominate in our culture and readily available everywhere.
I had to change me - not others or conditions. Sort of life on life's terms.
Coming to accept I could not drink took many starts and stops. But, in the end - those who do get sober I believe have reached that point.
The scary thing was I really meant it to varying degrees.
In June of last year it was different. I had reached an epiphany and knew it was over - I was sick and tired.
Since that time I have not drank. I intend on never drinking again.
I think one has to truly be ready to quit to be serious. Alcohol is just to predominate in our culture and readily available everywhere.
I had to change me - not others or conditions. Sort of life on life's terms.
Coming to accept I could not drink took many starts and stops. But, in the end - those who do get sober I believe have reached that point.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by JanieJ 
Tom Hanks succeeded because he had the right tools for the job- determination, a good raft, a good sail. He worked out the wind direction etc , and knew exactly what he was doing.
And he also had Wilson of course, for moral support.
You need a plan, just like him.
You need to know what you will do when that AV knocks. Will you post on here, will you eat ice cream or go for a walk ? You have to distract yourself when it comes, if you want to break over that wave. You have to want it as much as Tom did, too.
I failed many times, but one day it just stuck because I wanted it more than I wanted to stay drunk.
You can do this !!
It's only ever one day at a time that you have to stay sober for. One day. You can do that !
And he also had Wilson of course, for moral support.
You need a plan, just like him.
You need to know what you will do when that AV knocks. Will you post on here, will you eat ice cream or go for a walk ? You have to distract yourself when it comes, if you want to break over that wave. You have to want it as much as Tom did, too.
I failed many times, but one day it just stuck because I wanted it more than I wanted to stay drunk.
You can do this !!
It's only ever one day at a time that you have to stay sober for. One day. You can do that !
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by freshstart57
I didn't relapse. I quit drinking after 35 years and towards the end, it was a bottle a day of Smirnoff, every day. Sobriety was achievable for me because I decided it was going to happen. Even if nobody had ever gotten sober before me in the history of mankind, it was going to be me. Nothing was ever ever going to stop me or change my mind. I was never going to drink again. Ever.
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
I can only add that I, too, have attempted breaking the chains so many times over the years. It seems the 3-4 days of no drink brought the confidence that drinking was ok to continue. The result was a deeper plunge into the abyss. I found the concept of alcohol being a lie helped me this time.
Alcohol does not:
Make you smarter.
Make you prettier/more handsome.
Make you the life of the party.
Make you a better lover.
Make you brave.
The list goes on, add some for yourself. Then believe it. That defeats the falacy alcohol has engrained in your brain. The lie has only fed your addiction. See it as it really exists and the decision to abstain will come easier.
Stay strong and kick it in the ass. We'll be here to help you do that.
Peace.
Alcohol does not:
Make you smarter.
Make you prettier/more handsome.
Make you the life of the party.
Make you a better lover.
Make you brave.
The list goes on, add some for yourself. Then believe it. That defeats the falacy alcohol has engrained in your brain. The lie has only fed your addiction. See it as it really exists and the decision to abstain will come easier.
Stay strong and kick it in the ass. We'll be here to help you do that.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 630
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Sobriety was achievable for me because I decided it was going to happen. Even if nobody had ever gotten sober before me in the history of mankind, it was going to be me. Nothing was ever ever going to stop me or change my mind. I was never going to drink again. Ever.
I am completely in charge of my alcohol problem. I will do whatever it takes to make my life alcohol free forever! This time I went in with the mindset that I am never going to moderate, this is forever. No questions, no doubts, NO letting that AV in for even a comment, or opinion on what WE are gonna do! NO is the answer!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
I had a 70 day stretch of sobriety ending in a relapse in May 2014 and after that it was basically guilty drinking with short periods of intentional sobriety with a relapse every 0 to 5 days.
I quit drugs 10 months ago and am perfectly fine with the thought that I'll never use again. I never had that with alcohol until this last time I quit. Now I am perfectly fine with the thought that I'll never drink again. Everyone's different, but for me as long as there was pleasure or fun associated with drinking then I couldn't really mentally commit.
The point I had to reach with alcohol was getting sick and tired of day after day after endless day of restless, sweaty sleep while watching the clock tick the hours away knowing I'd be dog tired at work; the slow, nauseated trudge to work dreading what I knew was coming; the caffeine induced buzz from guzzling coffee to get me through the mid-morning crash with my stomach rolling and my eyes feeling so heavy and tired they wanted to close on their own; the 1:00pm afternoon fatigue that made it almost impossible to get through the next 3.5 hours at work; the walk home with the inevitable stop at the liquor store almost weeping in desperation as I'd go in even when I didn't want to; buying that bottle of vodka; cracking it in the alley to get started before I even got home; some supper and a couple hours of drunken TV before falling into bed to do the whole thing over again - day after day after day. The only variation was weekends when I tried to sleep in to get over the worst of the nausea and then wasted the day laying on the couch feeling irritable and fatigued.
When I quit it was such a relief, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That's when I got willing for anything to make sure I never had to have another day like that in my life. Like some of the others have posted, alcohol is permanently no longer an option. When my AV start to talk, there's an even deeper commitment that kicks in and the AV can say whatever it wants but there's not even room for an argument because the answer is NO! I just can't face even 1 more nauseated, dog tired hung over day in my life, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.
Keep working at it, because if you keep looking you're going to find it one day and all of the work to get there will be worth it.
I quit drugs 10 months ago and am perfectly fine with the thought that I'll never use again. I never had that with alcohol until this last time I quit. Now I am perfectly fine with the thought that I'll never drink again. Everyone's different, but for me as long as there was pleasure or fun associated with drinking then I couldn't really mentally commit.
The point I had to reach with alcohol was getting sick and tired of day after day after endless day of restless, sweaty sleep while watching the clock tick the hours away knowing I'd be dog tired at work; the slow, nauseated trudge to work dreading what I knew was coming; the caffeine induced buzz from guzzling coffee to get me through the mid-morning crash with my stomach rolling and my eyes feeling so heavy and tired they wanted to close on their own; the 1:00pm afternoon fatigue that made it almost impossible to get through the next 3.5 hours at work; the walk home with the inevitable stop at the liquor store almost weeping in desperation as I'd go in even when I didn't want to; buying that bottle of vodka; cracking it in the alley to get started before I even got home; some supper and a couple hours of drunken TV before falling into bed to do the whole thing over again - day after day after day. The only variation was weekends when I tried to sleep in to get over the worst of the nausea and then wasted the day laying on the couch feeling irritable and fatigued.
When I quit it was such a relief, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. That's when I got willing for anything to make sure I never had to have another day like that in my life. Like some of the others have posted, alcohol is permanently no longer an option. When my AV start to talk, there's an even deeper commitment that kicks in and the AV can say whatever it wants but there's not even room for an argument because the answer is NO! I just can't face even 1 more nauseated, dog tired hung over day in my life, and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen.
Keep working at it, because if you keep looking you're going to find it one day and all of the work to get there will be worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I drank for about 18 years and mostly by myself. I tried to quit on and off over 8 years: tried to quit, control, quit, control, control, quit... on and on. Finally, a friend bought me a journal and I kept a daily log. It started to help me build a relationship with myself and it became so apparent that the days after I drank were terrible and on those little quitting breaks, it was much better. I then tried to really control it with the journal and kept documentation. I also kept a log on my blood pressure while not drinking, after a little booze and my weekly binge. It helped put my drinking in total perspective for me. I was also working out but the drinking affected it badly. I was also smoking pot when I could get it to help with the controlled drinking. But after a few months it was obvious that the controlling was no fun because I loved to get blitzed. I then started searching in google for other peoples stories and then found this place on my day 1 (august 2nd 2014). As Dee said, this place and your stories and support was what I needed! I feel really good today and better each week. There are ups and downs of course but life is so much better without poisoning it. Now I am making life plans and setting goals for where I want to be in my future and saving tons of cash and getting physically fit in the process! It's truely amazing!
Best of luck, you can do this and most certainly deserve it!
-SC
Best of luck, you can do this and most certainly deserve it!
-SC
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
What an insane cycle we alcoholic's go thru. I tried to stop, or control, my drinking for 9 years - and after finally getting beat down enough, over and over and over, something "clicked" in my brain the morning of Nov 1st, 2014. The compulsion to drink nearly vanished that day. A higher power intervention of some kind. I first found this site, then a few days later walked nervously back into an AA meeting, and have been firmly planted in AA and starting to work the steps. We each have our own paths, but for me, AA and SR combined are keeping me sober and giving me my life back !!! Good luck to you in getting off that insane Hampster wheel as I call it. You can do it !!! Peace-out, MJM
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Twice after I truly started.
I am only 3 weeks deep this time but so far just remembering how good it was to be sober has me going this time and also talking with a professional. I suggest talking to someone whether it be at a meeting or in private but talking through it all helps a lot. Plus the support of family.
I am only 3 weeks deep this time but so far just remembering how good it was to be sober has me going this time and also talking with a professional. I suggest talking to someone whether it be at a meeting or in private but talking through it all helps a lot. Plus the support of family.
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