hailzmagailz

Hi everyone.

Im starting to get that lonely feeling, like I want to be with someone, someone to cuddle with and have fun with I miss that comfort. I'm so totally broken that I don't think I could be a good girlfriend for someone right now but I just want to settle down or at least I think I do.

I guess I'm confused more then anything! when I was drinking I didn't really think of wanting someone there because I didn't have much feelings I was numb. I didn't care about anything but getting drunk. It sucks seeing everyone happy and loving each other and I'm other here like ' Oh big book, you're my only love ! ' haha ..

I hope one day I'll find someone who can be here for me like I need them to be and I can make them happy, I know we're suppose to wait a year and be single but it's easier said then done. Anyway much love to everyone. ♡

- Needing cuddles!

Mrrryah1

I so understand that feeling!!

When I first quit drinking I felt like a baby. Like I wanted to call up my mom and have her come over and cook for me and take care of me. Maybe even snuggle me. And I don't even LIKE my mother.

Just remind yourself that "this too shall pass".

And hey - you have all of us on SR to keep you company today

Soberwolf

Hi Hailz i remember being on my own with just my big book i particularly remember reading keys to the kingdom that was awesome

it will get better Hailz i promise stay focused on your recovery as that will bring relationships in the future

Sending loads of hugs

Clay601

I miss that comfort in my life too and completely understand what you are going through. I once had that in my life a girl that really cared for me and would have done anythibg for me but my using messed that up. Its been a long time since I've had someone to even sit and watch a movie with me much less cuddle or anything. The opiates became my love I could always depend on the pills to comfort me. Living clean is making me long for that missing link but I don't have much to offer anyone at this point and I know that. Don't know how old you are but for me I hope some day in the future if I'm able to beat this addiction that I'll be able to find true love once more since I'm still young. After all the girl i loved I met while I was clean and ruined the relationship with 3 years of using behind her back and lying. Since then all I've managed is meeting girls who were addicts like me and used me for drugs and that's really not what I'm looking for now. Hopefully one of my gifts of sobriety will be finding a girl who really loves me again. Only time will tell

Dee74

I know the urge is strong but I really think it's better to wait Hailz - use this time to totally focus on yourself...sort yourself out (like we all have to ) and you'll be way better equipped for a relationship a little ways down the line

D

Axiom

I say go get out of the house and yourself if possible. Maybe go for a walk or see a movie. You might not be with someone but at least it will get you out of your head. Try to find a way to give back/volunteer. It will back you feel good about yourself and get you around other people.
You mentioned "The Big Book", so why not speak up at a meeting a say you feel lonely? I can't say that I am the best AAer but I have noticed a real bond in those rooms. The last time I went I saw a guy go up and get his 24 hour chip, he spoke of being in the program and not using the fellowship. He tried to leave quickly with out chatting, He was stopped multiple times on his way to the door by people wanting to do things with him.
A few months ago someone else posted something very similar to this. One of the responses was to cuddle up with a pillow when feeling lonely before going to bed. It sounds silly but I tried it that night and it worked really well for me. No, it's not the same as cuddling up with a person but I feel better while drifting off.

saudades

I think what you said about not feeling anything before was interesting. I noticed the same thing, even after only a couple of days of quitting. I felt everything so strongly (depression, anxiety, loneliness). I think, at least personally, that a big part of the reason I drank is because I was sick of "feeling too much" and just wanted to drown it out. Well, it worked, and now I have to deal with these feelings without liquid comfort. Might be easy for me to say, but I think, at a time like this, you'd probably feel some of that loneliness even if you had a bf or what have you. Think about it, you've essentially just lost your "best friend." Regardless, kudos for sticking with it and I think those feelings will lessen as time goes on. I think as you continue to heal you will be in an even better place to find a good relationship

sugarbear1

when we love ourselves and can sit still in silence alone, we can begin to form relationships where we can fully love another and even sit still in silence with them.....

give time time and heal well!

Anna

Hail, the more you get to know yourself and to love yourself, the better partner you will be when the right person comes along.

Aellyce

I was in a relationship when I got sober, which ended a couple months later. I definitely had that craving for connection... in part because, despite being in a superficial relationship, I lived a very isolated life as a drinker for so long, and also because the new state of sobriety was unknown to me for a while, I often felt fragile and scared. I wanted to belong to the "living" and have connection... for me, this translated at times as cravings for a romantic partner, I think because that's one of the most obvious ways for the mind to project it... but in truth, it wasn't. Like you, I don't think that I felt anywhere near ready for an intimate relationship at the time, or that I truly desired that. But I've seen the same in quite a few other people in early sobriety, I think this is very common. I also took the advice of others much more experienced with recovery very seriously about not getting into a new relationship for a good while, and I never regretted that.

If you are feeling lonely, I would suggest that you reach out and try to make new friends. That's what I did -- both in my 3D life and here on SR, and it really worked for me. I found it was all I needed for a good while

Briar

I've been married for many years, so I'm coming at it from a different angle, but I totally see how it's good to wait a while before getting into a relationship. You have so much to figure out about yourself, you basically have to learn how to live all over again. That's hard enough when it's just you, but when you have to get to know another person while you're getting to know yourself, it's a lot. I'm very fortunate to have my husband, and he helps me in many ways, but if I weren't in a relationship right now, I would hold out until I really understood how to take care of myself.

Wastinglife

Yep. I was engaged to a great girl when my alcoholism took over. We were lived together for 3 years and I sat beside her every night drinking and ignoring her as I watched sports or YouTube videos. Now that I am sober and single, I look back to all the stuff I took for granted. Just having someone to watch a movie with is all I want now. I ruined many relationships because I just preferred to get drunk instead of any intimacy. I only realize that now. I feel so guilty for what I put the girls I have been in relationships with over the last 15-20 years. I am 38 now, thought I would have been married with kids at this point if u had asked me a decade ago.

Not giving up though! We'll get to happiness if we keep fighting for it!

Upward2Enlightenment

I think you have struck my biggest fear Clay, that I'm to old to find the true love.

Whatcha gonna do but trudge on.

I know how you feel Hail, am in and have been in the same boat. Don't try to rush into things.