Need some advice please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
Need some advice please.
[SIZE="5"[/SIZE] Today I have 21 days sober and been doing it by going to A.A meetings and listening, praying, reading and sharing (a little).
It was suggested that I get a sponsor. So I did..but she only had me read step one over and over again without ever talking to me about the step nor anything else for that matter, nor did she have me do step work on step one. I read it 8 times in a few days and was more then ready and anxious to move on or do step work on it. I tried to call her to let her know it was time she moved me along but I only got a answering machine. I left a message for her but she didn't call back. I wound up relapsing over it and called her again later to fire her but again got just a answering machine. I left my message letting her go and the next day she called me and left me a message apologizing for not getting my call and she claimed she went to bed *really* early ( I
called around 5:30) and said to give her a call. Of course I didn't.
Anyway, My question is how many times do you read a step before taking action on it or move to the next step? I know not 8 times.
It was suggested that I get a sponsor. So I did..but she only had me read step one over and over again without ever talking to me about the step nor anything else for that matter, nor did she have me do step work on step one. I read it 8 times in a few days and was more then ready and anxious to move on or do step work on it. I tried to call her to let her know it was time she moved me along but I only got a answering machine. I left a message for her but she didn't call back. I wound up relapsing over it and called her again later to fire her but again got just a answering machine. I left my message letting her go and the next day she called me and left me a message apologizing for not getting my call and she claimed she went to bed *really* early ( I
called around 5:30) and said to give her a call. Of course I didn't.
Anyway, My question is how many times do you read a step before taking action on it or move to the next step? I know not 8 times.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Somewhere under the stars.
Posts: 103
After this last relapse is when I started praying and being active reading. * please excuse me on my edits... Although I am sober things are still very blurry and hard to remember.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
what I know is that sponsors often guide others through the steps the way they were guided through the steps.
I once had a sponsor keep me on the 1, 2, 3 shuffle.....years later I found out it had taken her 5 years to get past step 4. An alcoholic of my type required a better solution.
I found a sponsor who could guide me through those steps much more quickly, and more often in the first year. There are several reasons for that, but this time I stuck with that sponsor and am moving past a few years of sobriety.
when finding a sponsor, it's okay to ask them questions about how they take people through the steps, what the boundaries are, how things work, etc.
Can you write up a list of questions to ask your next sponsor?
Meanwhile, get a network of people to call and call them. Waiting on one sponsor to return a call isn't the greatest thing, make sure you call others to keep you from drinking while waiting on that sponsor. Most people who have some sobriety can help get you through that rough period.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
I once had a sponsor keep me on the 1, 2, 3 shuffle.....years later I found out it had taken her 5 years to get past step 4. An alcoholic of my type required a better solution.
I found a sponsor who could guide me through those steps much more quickly, and more often in the first year. There are several reasons for that, but this time I stuck with that sponsor and am moving past a few years of sobriety.
when finding a sponsor, it's okay to ask them questions about how they take people through the steps, what the boundaries are, how things work, etc.
Can you write up a list of questions to ask your next sponsor?
Meanwhile, get a network of people to call and call them. Waiting on one sponsor to return a call isn't the greatest thing, make sure you call others to keep you from drinking while waiting on that sponsor. Most people who have some sobriety can help get you through that rough period.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I would ask a potential sponsor how they take a sponsee through the steps and then evaluate her responses against what you feel you need. I have found people who don't work to be excellent sponsors because they have more time to devote to the process
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
I work with my sponsor once a week for 1-2 hours. See her at least three times a week at meetings and call her everyday / more if I have something going on. I am almost a year sober and just now getting through step 1-3 because of time gone. My sponsor had me reading first the Doctors Opinion and doing work study on it throughout the next few weeks. Then we worked step 1-3 for another 4 weeks doing work study and notes and talking/sharing. I am now on step 4. Everyday, I pray a lot, read the BB, Reflections, Easy does It, 24 hours and ask for the discipline to stay sober and be free of self-will. I call people everyday, do some service work, meditate and attend at least 4-5 meetings a week. Every sponsor is different. Find one you can work with. You do have to put in the time though and do the work. Attend meetings, get a sponsor, find a homegroup and use all the tools, (SR) Bible, Friends and talk/listen to God. You must work the steps in MO, to stay sober and reap the benefits. Good luck to you!
ps, A Woman's Way through The Twelve Steps book and workbook are also a big help to many.
At least find a temporary sponsor to you hook up with someone that fit your needs. Just remember, Although the steps are simple, they are not always easy to put into practice and the right perspective. You will always continue to work the steps so you are never really done with them. God's Peace.
ps, A Woman's Way through The Twelve Steps book and workbook are also a big help to many.
At least find a temporary sponsor to you hook up with someone that fit your needs. Just remember, Although the steps are simple, they are not always easy to put into practice and the right perspective. You will always continue to work the steps so you are never really done with them. God's Peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: MA
Posts: 8
Some of us do need to go faster than others. The best approach could be to be sure both people are honest and know what to expect up front. That way there are no imagined or unmet expectations.
I hope you have found someone wonderful to walk through recovery with you.
I hope you have found someone wonderful to walk through recovery with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Maybe she did go to bed that early - she could have been ill, or maybe keeps strange hours because of work / neurosis. How long was this going on for? And did you see her at meetings to talk or was she / you absent from them?
You say you read it 8 times, but I don't understand if that's because you were anxious to be doing some work, or if she told you to read it that many times?
Sorry if I seem a bit vague. The thing is, things are rarely as black and white as they can seem, and us alcoholics are a very impatient lot, and have a tendency to jump to negative conclusions about situations and develop resentments about them before establishing all the facts.
If it were me in this situation, I'd try to talk to her face to face about this before 'firing' her. I would also explain the anxiety that not being able to get in touch caused, and ask how she envisages taking me through the steps. I'd also get some other numbers from people in the group so I have a number of options for calling rather than being reliant just on her. I do contact my sponsor, but I also have a few other close friends who I help and who help me, as well as meeting socially occasionally. Being your sponsor does not mean that she is wholly responsible for you - our sponsors are also alcoholics in recovery and have lives; family; jobs; illness. Accepting that might save you some pain as it sounds like you're taking it pretty personally when it is likely to be 'just one of those things'. I have found 'acceptance' to be a far more vital ingredient in my recovery than the 'will-power' that I thought would be vital.
You say you read it 8 times, but I don't understand if that's because you were anxious to be doing some work, or if she told you to read it that many times?
Sorry if I seem a bit vague. The thing is, things are rarely as black and white as they can seem, and us alcoholics are a very impatient lot, and have a tendency to jump to negative conclusions about situations and develop resentments about them before establishing all the facts.
If it were me in this situation, I'd try to talk to her face to face about this before 'firing' her. I would also explain the anxiety that not being able to get in touch caused, and ask how she envisages taking me through the steps. I'd also get some other numbers from people in the group so I have a number of options for calling rather than being reliant just on her. I do contact my sponsor, but I also have a few other close friends who I help and who help me, as well as meeting socially occasionally. Being your sponsor does not mean that she is wholly responsible for you - our sponsors are also alcoholics in recovery and have lives; family; jobs; illness. Accepting that might save you some pain as it sounds like you're taking it pretty personally when it is likely to be 'just one of those things'. I have found 'acceptance' to be a far more vital ingredient in my recovery than the 'will-power' that I thought would be vital.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
PS If you're done reading Step 1, then just start reading up on the next steps in preparation. I find the 12 and 12 really good at going into the steps in greater detail. Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
The other thing I found really useful when I felt like I needed to do a bit extra was to make use of the speaker recordings available online. There a lots of great ones that focus on steps 1-3.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysnm4NhFJys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVx3H2ij98w
5500+ AA Speaker Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
The other thing I found really useful when I felt like I needed to do a bit extra was to make use of the speaker recordings available online. There a lots of great ones that focus on steps 1-3.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysnm4NhFJys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVx3H2ij98w
5500+ AA Speaker Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
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