mns1

Last night was tough. My family had a bunch of company over for New Year's Day and there was alcohol EVERYWHERE. I must admit I had a few drinks after two days without any drinking. I fought the urges so hard but I let them get to me.

However, I take a little pride in the fact that I again stopped myself in the middle of it when I really wanted to continue drinking. The AV is really giving me a run for my money and it is taking every ounce of willpower to resist it. I don't know why I am having so much trouble winning this battle but I am fighting it as best I can. I need to find my mojo!

Soberwolf

The important thing is you stopped mns and your bk

What do you think you could do to strenghten your sobriety ?

SoberLeigh

Glad you are back, mns.

Have you disposed of the left-over alcohol in your house?

Attempts at moderation invariably lead us down a dangerous path. I echo what SW said about strengthening your efforts/plan.

Happy New Year, mns.

mns1

I don't know soberwolf. I am usually a very intrinsically motivated person. I've always been able to push myself to do things without any external motivators. But I have been letting people help me out lately. All of my relatives were saying how proud they were that I am going back to finish my college degree. So I do have people encouraging me, telling me that 2015 will be "my year", but I still feel like I am in this alone for some reason. I am just having trouble summoning my inner drive right now.

I mentioned in another post that the winter where I live has been very dreary. Weeks of clouds and very little sunshine. That certainly doesn't help lift my spirits.

I think maybe just need to buckle down and really keep looking head and focusing on my goals. Finishing college, starting a career, finding a girl who doesn't just want to go out to bars. It's just hard.

But I believe in the saying that the night is darkest just before the dawn. I have faith that I will pull myself out of this and good things will start happening soon enough.

mns1

SoberLeigh, I live in my parents home. Usually any alcohol in our house is stowed away and has never been an issue for me in the past being sober. I was just immersed in it yesterday during our New Year's party. I guess maybe nostalgia is kicking in as well, as it was around this time of year 5 years ago that my problems with alcohol started. Back then I enjoyed it and didn't care. Now I just want to be over it for good.

And happy new year to you as well!

Anna

Mns, I couldn't have managed in a setting like that in early sobriety either. I tried and it didn't work. I had to stay away from places where there was alcohol for many months.

SoberLeigh

Exposure to alcohol during this holiday season has been problematic for many SR-ers.

It can be especially difficult to stay sober when you are young and so many of the people your age use the bar scene as a gathering place and a place to meet new people.

A google search for "sober activities and (name of your city or town)" might give younsomenideas of something do that doesn't involve alcohol.

Stay close to SR; log-on and read and post often. I have SR to be a very powerful tool.

JanieJ

Glad you are back, mns.

This is helpful when your AV is shouting:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Hang in there, lean on us more, we will support you.

mns1

Yes SoberLeigh it is tough being this age and finding friends who want to do something that doesn't involve drinking in some way. I will try the google search thing and see what I can find.

And thank you for that link JanieJ. I will look over it later tonight when I am done work and likely to be feeling urges.

Thanks everyone.

FreeOwl

I discovered that the part of me who wants to keep on drinking when I've been successful at times 'proving I can moderate' is the same part of me that uses the 'evidence of moderation' to help me stop bothering to worry about moderating.... And then eventually I don't. Or I resent the moderation subconsciously and tee up a good payback binge.

Eventually in my life it became obvious; when I was successful moderating it only left me inwardly grumpy and wanting more, and never led anywhere other than eventually to the next blackout.

mns1

I agree FreeOwl. I am coming to terms with the fact that I can't control myself in moderation. Once I have one drink I pretty much have to have more.

Soberwolf

Mns have you spoke to a Doc about S.a.d ?

There are lamps you can buy from the pharmacy to help with this

Make an apt with doc possibly ?

Soberwolf

..

mns1

Yes soberwolf I am looking into the light therapy. Haven't talked to my doctor yet just doing some research right now.