Hi Cecilia,

Welcome back! Good for you for being honest and open enough to air your thoughts, even when they might not be super popular. That takes some courage, so kudos to you for that. And for being honest about your relapse.

Can this site be depressing sometimes? Sure, I guess so. Or I've felt that way at times as well. But to be honest, I see so many success stories as well, people that have been in and achieved sobriety much longer than me, that I usually take away much more inspiration and advice, rather than disappointment. People relapse, of course, that's the nature of this illness, but heaps of people don't either. 26 months and counting here.

Cecilia, while you will find people that relapse, some will learn from their mistakes to make themselves better and will find success after doing so. There are also a number that have had success here and have been sober for many years.

One of the things that this site has done has strengthened my resolve never to drink again after seeing what others have experienced. I thought people died of alcoholism when they were in there 60's. Seeing people that have almost died in their 30's and 40's woke me up really quickly. I hope this site also strengthens your resolve not to pick up again.

This site has also given me a number of tools to help me with my drinking. Like others have said, take what you can from it. It is an amazing community of people. Also, welcome back!

Cecilia, I agree with ubntubnt. Of course there are many sad and/or frustrating stories here, it's because of the nature of the affliction we share. But we are entirely free to set and shift our focus to what nurtures and inspires us instead of what drains us. Like Dee said above, it's a glass half full / half empty scenario, but I believe we can choose how we see the glass. There are many success stories here, people with long term sobriety who are living great lives and choose to come here regularly to help others -- if you read the forums for a while, you will know who they are. For me, this was one of the first things I noticed when I started to be very active on SR, some of these posters. They immediately drew me in and I liked to read all that I can from them, looked for their posts, etc. I think many of us do this on SR. There are many ways to use this website, I've certainly tried a few. We can join some of the ongoing threads that are most often positive and inspiring, and interact with a smaller group. We can respond on threads trying to help someone who's struggling. We can also converse with others privately, one-on-one. I've done all this and I feel I've been getting a lot out of the interactions... also made some invaluable connections and friendships. But usually we need to make the effort to create these positive experiences. I tend to be quite initiative in terms of making connections with people both online and in the 3D world, and more often than not, all of us benefit at least in some ways. My advice is that you be proactive in seeking the experience and interaction you would like to have. Also, try different tools and forms of support so that you can see which ones work best for you.

Get involved. That's the spirit!

I understand your feelings. For a fairly long time earlier in my journey, I didn't come to the Newcomers Forum as I occasionally felt relapse was a foregone conclusion.

I was wrong.

What I did do earlier is get involved in other ways. Reading the Gratitude Forum is an excellent way to take inspiration from others in recovery. The folks who post there do a terrific job.

Also, I joined my SR class; it was a smart move. We encouraged each other (still do), offered suggestions and occasionally gave one another a gentle kick in the rump.

Now, I am more active here. I also learn from people here, which I appreciate greatly. Offering a kind word from time to time is my way of giving back to this place that has helped me so much in moving from a crummy, wine-soaked existence (if you can call it that) to a life that is free from addiction.

It's not a life of rainbows and unicorns but it is a much better life.

This

Joining the SR class is a great idea, I think I will hunt mine down and join in...

This is only my 2nd quit of my 57 years. And I am only on day 55.... BUT if I would have found a forum like this at the time of my FIRST quit (14 months), I NEVER NEVER NEVER would have made the mistake of trying moderation!!! There are so many stories of moderation failing.... Now I will walk a mile on broken glass before trying moderation:danse1b:

I came here to help support my sobriety.


I was beaten and had failed many times.

In the stories of relapses and in the steady stream of newcomers I found solidarity and understanding.

In the longer-timers I found inspiration.

I am now over a year sober but I have learned from my past and the stories of others that those sober days offer me no protection. Every new day could be a new relapse if I choose it.

So I come here now because it helps me keeps head in that reality. The relapses and the newcomers' stories help keep it fresh in my mind just how easily I could hit the reset and be back in the darkness. The words of suffering and despair help me remember that not so log ago; that was me.

And now I also come here to try and offer inspiration of my own where I can. I have over a year and while that is no guarantee - it is a gift and the longest I've been sober since I began drinking at 14. So I am here to pay it forward.

This is a community. Like AA, this community is key to my sobriety and I feel a sense of commitment to offer back what I am able - even as I continue to take what I need.

Sometimes, it IS depressing..... Yet even that is a gift. Without it, I don't think I would remember.... And I'd be right back in the dark.

Cecilia, for what it's worth - I celebrated 5 years sobriety just before Christmas. Was every one of those days filled with rainbows & unicorns? Of course not. But my life is so much better than it used to be: I a wife, a career, hope and peace.

The only way to get there is one day at a time, and if you work whatever program makes sense for you, things will fall into place.

Good luck!

I look at a relapse as someone stumbling, not failing. I've had 30 days sober but two recent relapses. I've been sober more than not, and that's better than drinking all the time! I need to get better of course, but relapses are a learning experience too.

My experience is a little different to yours, Cecilia- I find this forum to be like a big family, full of strong personalities - sometimes laughing, sometimes arguing, sometimes crying, but mostly supporting.

To me, you are part of the family, because I feel an affinity with 99% here, as we are all heading in the same direction. x

Cecilia,

Thank you for the post. I agree that it seems like a revolving door to me too. I made it 27 days in October and then thought I could try "drinking socially" again. November became a wee bit blurry for me :)

I am at day 33 now. I will make a deal with you. I will stay sober as long as you stay sober. :) Want to try the team approach?

--Rowdy

So many rainbows and unicorns in this thread!

Join your class Cecilia. They're already there waiting for you :burnout:

There are many of us that have stayed on here with numerous years of sobriety. Never give up hope.

The thing I find depressing is the people that just give up trying.
I quit at everything I ever did before in life. I had to get sober or die. Mentally and physically and spiritually , I couldn't have continued like I was.

.

For each depressing scenario here, there are even more uplifting and inspirational ones, I've found :)

You should check out that thread: it shows that it is possible to attain long term sobriety.
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hi Cecilia,
I can relate. I've had to take breaks from the pages just to not be overwhelmed. But then I think how it did really help me in this journey and how it helps so many people. So I've found that if I try to help people and let myself be helped from time to time it can be positive. Too much and I get depressed too. Hugs and happy new year!

For what it's worth, I use the relapse stories to strengthen my resolve to not have one myself. People relapse but then return here knowing that they want to be successfully sober again. It reaffirms to me that drinking/relapsing is not the path I want for myself. Of course, I wish that everyone had a 100% success rate in seeking sobriety but that is just not the nature of this beast...

Cecilia I wonder if you see the Forum a bit differently than I do because you aren't thinking of all the people here who are happily sober but don't announce that? Naturally those who are struggling rightfully reach out for help but people who have longer term recovery don't post to say we are still sober, it becomes a way of living.

I see SR as a big family where we have different experiences that each of us can learn from.

I would have to agree with you Cecilia. I have often thought the same thing. Maybe soon I will be posting my Day 1 again and I found it very disconcerting and in someways depending on the day I was having, I would think " well if I do relapse is ok because so many others are starting again and again". On other days those stories would be taken in a completely different and I would resolve to stay sober. Feb. 28th will be two years for me and SR had been a really big part of it.