philly76

Well that was fun. My first New Years sober in probably twenty years. Honestly, even if I wasn't trying to be sober, 2014 wasn't worth the hangover. I spent three hours at the gym telling that ***** year to kiss my *** and it paid off handsomely.

Seriously though, it wasn't that bad. For one, New Years has always been my least favorite holiday to spend at a bar. It's always full of expectations that can't possibly be met, the bars are crowded, and most resolutions end with shots at 12:01.

This year I gave 2014 exactly what it deserved: a five hour marathon crap-fest of CW reruns. That channel knows the secret to selling awful TV shows: hot actors and great music. But cheesy as they are, they're all about some troubled anti-hero trying to overcome some crutch that's a blatant analogy for addiction. "Taming the beast within."

Anyway, it was a nice, boring night filled with the cold sweats and night terrors I'm expecting to experience at least until mid-nextweek. I've really never made any resolutions before. And I don't even want to call this a resolution because resolutions are set up with the pressure that's designed to fail. But whatever. I'm hell bent on making 2015 my *****.

Dee74

I hope you can make 2015 a better year

D

philly76

Ya know, 2014 both sucked and rocked. Yeah, I got laid off and went from drinking most nights to drinking every night. But it didn't just make me realize I needed to stop drinking, it made me realize that I wanted to start my second act.

I honestly haven't been this scared/excited since I graduated college and I freakin' love it. Even better, my sobriety is just an incidental casualty of what I want to do with my life and what I want for my 40s. Yes, I want to be sober. But I want so, so much more. Sobriety will help me focus, but my determination will be reading the map.

Weasel1966

Philly.... so happy to see this thread this morning!!!

I could not agree more with the CW's "formula" for success. But we all need to find our own formula. You know this already but....

I found that there is no amount of p i s s and vinegar that can sustain the initial high to stay sober. Staying sober must somehow settle into living sober. Any formula that can handle that change... and that will go from sky high to low low... will be the winning formula.

Personally I have always had a map... driven people who want to accomplish come at things with the best of plans. But the ink on my map kept running and that made it hard to fallow. Not from the booze I spilled on it over and over but from my tears that frustrated me because my addictions had me taking a different journey. I was furious with myself.

Good to see you here and posting!!! Happy New Year!!!

Ken

Soberwolf

Hoping 2015 is a exellent year for you Philly

ubntubnt

Sounds a great start to your year. In a week or month time when you are having a quiet, lonely day and you are hungry and irritable and your addictive voice says "fcuk it, have a few beers" remember this moment and how important it is that you stay dry. The booze is beaten in those quiet vulnerable moments and not the hung ho ones. Anyway, happy new year

philly76

"Furious with myself" is a good way to put it. I'm sticking around this site. I don't want to ever say "I'm back," even if I slip up. I know I shouldn't even suggest the possibility of slipping up this early on in my journey, but I'm acknowledging the reality of the possibility.

That's why I don't even consider this a New Years resolution, and I started in a way long before New Years. When someone slips up with a New Years resolution, it's "oh, well, maybe next year." No, if I slip it, it's "okay, I am royally pi$$ed at myself, I want people to know what an a-hole I was for doing it. If I do slip up, I can come here (maybe eventually to an AA meeting) and I have to own up to the failure, be accountable.

Being furious with myself is probably second only to the motivation of being proud. But right now I'm just looking forward to the euphoric high that comes after the night terrors, cold sweats, and epic body odors finally stop.