Lies we tell to stay true to ourselves
 

Several years ago I worked with a young woman who was a big drinker like the rest of the staff. One day she told us that she had tested positive for tuberculosis and would undergo a six-month regimen of medication to kill the virus. She explained that she could not drink during this treatment as her liver would be compromised. We consoled her and promised to have a wild party when her treatment ended. She still went out with us, but she drank Coke, and no one said anything. By the time the six months were up, she had left to attend medical school in another state. We never had the party.

It never dawned on me until this morning that she may have been lying. It’s brilliant really, if that’s what she did. I admire that kind of resourcefulness. But it’s unfortunate if she felt she had to resort to an elaborate lie for six months to protect her sobriety. In recovery circles there is much talk of honesty and being true to oneself, so is it some kind of failure to lie for your sobriety? Or is being true to ourselves different from being honest with others?

I've lied about my sobriety, but I've lied my ass off about my alcoholism for years. It's a grey area in my book.

Wow, that's something else. I'm don't think lying is the way to go. I feel like that just hurts people when the truth comes out and normally it always comes out. I personally have done enough damage while drinking without adding more to it being sober.

Maybe saying for health reasons I can't drink would be acceptable because it's true. Regardless of whether alcohol has affected your health yet or not. It will eventually.

I can't speak for anyone else but I never resorted to lies.

I found out very early on that no thanks was a pretty good response to just about everyone - 'no thanks I don't drink but I'll have a coke' puts 99% of people at ease.

I can't remember the last time I had a real issue with someone insistent I should drink.

D

I've lied too. I'm not proud of it, and I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can be honest and confident, but I definitely lie in moments of fear and confusion when I feel backed into a corner. I'm sure I won't always be this way, but I am right now.

I'm not a saint - I lied *a lot* in my drinking days :)

I think we all have this subconscious expectation that everyone thinks about drinking as much as we do, so we better have a damn good reason...it's simply not true, at leasyt in my experience? :)

D

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I don't believe that lying is the right thing to do. However, I will protect my sobriety. . . so if I need to lie to do that (although I can't see why that would come up) I would lie in a heartbeat. Most in my circle know me as a healthnut, so the fact that I don't drink seems natural to them.

Anonymity is there for many reasons but, for me, "anonymous" doesn't mean lying. It means just saying "No, thank you" to a drink offered or answering, if asked why I'm not drinking, with: "I don't feel like drinking right now." Those are both who I am and not staying true to that will begin to chip away at my spiritual armor.

I don't know about an out and out lie. I'm in euphemism mode right now. "I'm trying to lay off it a bit" or "I'm trying to be good, right now"

An old friend called me up Saturday night around 1 am and asked if I wanted to meet for drinks. I said "I'd love to see you, but I'm trying to be good, right now." She's a heavy drinker too, and we've shared war stories so she must have just "got it".

Without even a pause she said, "okay, then let's just meet for lunch sometime soon." Love that girl! (not an ex, just a drinking buddy from back in the day)

Lying is not the answer.

I think many of us relied on lying during our drinking days, and it's necessary to change that.

Why did this young woman believe she had to concoct such a story? It's absurd to me. All she had to say was 'No, thanks', or decline invitations with the group.

Not so brilliant, in my opinion. I'm with Anna on this. I just don't see the benefit or the resourcefulness in lying about being sober.

I found a power and freedom in letting others know I was sober.

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tuberculosis? thats a wild excuse

I lied a ton when I was drinking. I wont do it anymore. I have no problem saying "no thanks" "im ok" if I feel its being pushed I am assertive in saying "i dont drink anymore"

A friend called last night about New Years and a plan to get everyone home safely. i laughed and said "Im sure Ill be ok...I still dont drink" She felt like and idiot for bringing it up to me but I thought it was funny.

Your only guessing if the woman lied ... if she did have TB thats pretty serious

The real question is should you lie ?

Thats up to you i wouldnt and im with the rest who say No thanks i dont drink il have a soft drink/soda if you have 1

honesty is the best policy as lies cause heaps of trouble but yeah i would just say i dont drink

ppl couldnt care less and if asked why i dont i just say i dont drink

Yeah, I don't know if she lied or not, I just found it to be an interesting question. When people say do anything to protect your sobriety, that probably means different things to different people. I think being able to own your decision and not want to meet pressure with the antibiotics line or whatever takes confidence not everyone has at first. Obviously lying is never good nor sustainable, but if lying kept her sober for six months, was it worth it?

We'll never know if not lying may have kept her sober for 6 months either?
D

Very true. :)

In all honesty I'm probably gonna lie to get out of partying tomorrow. My best friend has a huge NYE party every year with tons of alcohol and I just can't be around all that right now. Don't have the strength just yet.

The reason why I'll be lying is that I've been drinking heavy with him for years. If I tell him I'm trying to get sober, I think he'll think I'm making an excuse not to attend. I know, it sounds childish. But, that's how I see it right now. We'll see what happens.

The more you lie about your situation, the more complicated your life will become.