jryan19982

But I am recovering.

Even in the early stages of signing up for this site, I didnt believe it. I didnt want to believe it because I didnt like the thought of giving up alcohol. I mean we WERE pals after all. It made me feel better about myself, my life, my family, my friends, and my existence. It made my days worth living getting that nice little buzz- but we all know it didnt end there. That buzz turned into being a little drunk, still fun, but then that little drunk turned into full fledged drunk. Which in turn lead to living the rest of the night in a daze- which again- I thought was all good and fun. Then I would pass out.

Now I realized that I missed out on everything that happened once I got home. I missed out on my kid talking about her day at school and what she did and what she learned. I missed out on how smart she is (for her age, I guess she takes after her mother lol) and how much she could do by herself.

I missed out on my newborn son growing up and learning how to do things, and learning about what life has to offer. I missed out on the simple joys he had. I mean as simple as picking up a toy he plays with every day and still finding the same joy and intrigue as the first time he picked it up. Or going outside and feeling the sun on his face. All very new to him

I completely missed out on talking to my wife, or even caring what her day was like. Sure I asked the question, but I was more enamored with what was left in my bottle and if I would have enough to keep this buzz the rest of the night. I gave half hearted advice, and sometimes not so much as a grunt of approval or disapproval.

I missed out on playing with the dogs, or taking them for a walk, as i would rather drown myself in a bottle of beer, or 6 bottles of beer, or 12 bottles of beer if it was a weekend.

I missed out on watching movies with the family. I mean I was there, but I wasnt present. I was just existing in my life of hooch and booze.

So what changed? This site made me realize what I was missing out on, and what could possibly happen if I continued at this pace and I didnt like the outcome. But this didnt happen right away. I still felt, "Meh that wont happen to me" and therefore I wasnt serious about my sobriety and hence relapsed twice.

I am lucky enough to not have the devastating health effects that others have mentioned, or the arrests, or blackouts, DWIs, DUIs, or losing family, career enders, blemishes on my permanent record. But does that mean I wasnt an alcoholic? Hell no. I am an alcoholic I just didnt hit the true bottom I could have. I just didnt get caught driving home all those times. It doesnt mean I am less of an alcoholic than the next person. It just means I was lucky, but soon enough that luck would run out if I kept testing it.

I'm an alcoholic and will always be an alcoholic. I will just be an alcoholic who isnt drinking or giving into this disease or my addictive behavior.

So thank you.

ScottFromWI

Thanks for sharing Jryan, and happy for you to have come to this realization. Better days area ahead.

ShenzyT

Great post & you're so right. I agree with you 100% - eventually our luck does run out. I hope I'm not too late.
x

GracieLou

I am also an alcoholic.

I also see how much I was missing out on. My children are grown so I can’t go back but I can be in the moment when I do see them.

I was in a fog for decades and I think I have seen more in the last year than I have seen in the last ten years. It is like my mind is racing to catch up!

I am glad you are sober, I am glad I am sober. I am happy for everyone that is or is trying to be sober.

It all starts with day one and not picking up that first drink.

GracieLou

double post

jryan19982

Yeah that has been happening recently.

jryan19982

Better days are ahead! And Ive had some pretty good ones the past 2 + weeks too. I cant wait until they get even better!

Dee74

Accepting that was when things turned around for me Jryan - congrats

D

Suzieq17

Love this post. I resonate with a lot of what you said. I have little ones too, and I am looking forward to enjoying them!!! They grow so fast, and before you know it they are grown. I don't want to miss that.

Soberwolf

Hi Jryan that was big acceptance there

Awesome post/thread

LBrain

yep, many of us can attest to what you wrote.
The good news is that you will never have to miss out on life again.

SoberLeigh

Very heartfelt and insightful post, jryan.

3222014smt

Thanks for sharing. Reading it helped me