After that mess I had a terrible dream
 

After my drama last night, I had an awful dream. I dreamed that I went to a work social at my company’s bar. It wasn’t my real work, but my husband works in the wine industry where it is normal for company buildings to host bars, so that’s probably where I got it. In the dream, I came in with friend. The bar was busy and very loud. Right away the bartender called to me. He asked me about where to buy a particular bottle of vodka in a particular size. He knew I would know, and I did, so I told him. Then I sat down at a small table with my friend. Immediately the waiter arrived. As my friend gave him her order, I thought about slipping away to the bathroom to hide, but then she beat me to it, leaving me alone with the waiter. He looked at me, and I fumbled with my words for a moment then looked at him earnestly and said “I’m not drinking.” He hung his head mournfully and walked away. Then I realized the entire bar had gone silent. People were staring at each other comfortably as if paused in conversation, but no one was talking. I started to cry and ran out. I woke up feeling ostracized and completely alone. I guess that pretty much sums up how I feel generally right now.

(((hugs)))

You are not alone here at SR.

Briar, how can you feel that way with us here for you?

You're leaving your old self-destructive life behind. The only part of you that could regret that would be your AV. It's doing everything it can for a buzz. Deny it. Rejoice in your new-found health.

I get that feeling. Been there.

Keep at it though. One day you'll have this dream where you're in a similar situation and instead of that experience you'll just confidently say "Thanks, I don't drink, I'll just have water and the appetizer menu please".

And nobody will really pay any notice, save for one person in the room who you'll touch with your example and to whom you will later carry the message of hope that will inspire them to choose sobriety too.

Only, it won't be a dream.

it gets better.

a lot better.

I'm sorry you are so down, and down on yourself, Briar.
What have you done in the past to get out of this (besides alcohol, obviously)

D

Briar,

can you give yourself a break?

sorry the dream felt awful , but could you reframe and look at it like you did in your dream what you did in real life and that is to go with your best self in two tough situations?
that there are feelings of being ostracized, left out, loss...yes, most of us have had those. it's okay. you're okay. you don't HAVE to see last night and the dream as awful things.
how close you came is scary.
but you changed direction.
both in reality AND in your dream.

there is positive here. lots of it.

one of your choices is to see that.

and then choose to shore that up.

..

You said no to a drink in your dream..... That's a huge sign, subconsciously you seem to have made the decision to quit.

It's now more a conscious matter of feeling awkward about not drinking...... But that can be easily overcome.

The saying no in your dream / subconsciously is tremendous.

That's half the battle won :)

Wow, what a profound dream! I understand dreams as a way for our mind to process how we are truly feeling inside, so we can feel it and work through it. It really is an amazing biological way to adapt and overcome obstacles in our environment that will destroy us without action. I say you are on the right path Briar. Use us to support you through this emotional maze and this will surely pass. We will always be here for you, considering your connection to the internet is sound ;-)

Much Respect!!!

It is kind of interesting how dreams work. A couple weeks ago I kept having intense, chaotic dreams of drinking and regretting it. Now I'm dreaming of refusing to drink and feeling punished for it. I'll choose to view this as an improvement.

Thank you for sharing your dream Briar. Insecurities drive them pretty hard at times.

Just remember all of us are sitting at that same table with you. happyface:

This post was a weird delayed double post where I hit submit, walked out of the room and then came back in and the words will still as-if they didn't post and then I hit submit again = delayed double post.. but I will use it to comment on the post below \|/

I just wanted to say that there is no one judging anyone from this site and if they are then they are not "us" :).. that goes for the outside world as-well. No one is without fault. We should be accept our faults as a challenge because in overcoming them we can level-up in life. Without faults we could not level-up. People only judge because they make themselves artificially/temporarily feel better. It's childish but still very much hurts everyone of us, becuase we all have a desire to be accepted/loved.

So glad you are here Briar!!

You know, I posted a separate thread on here today about giving a fake reason for not drinking so as to avoid pressure and judgment from others. I just thought it was an interesting debate to spark, but I see that I have a theme going today of fear of social ostracization. I guess my mind is chewing on that right now.