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Here it goes.... First, I'd like the say thank you all for your stories. I find this site by searching for tips on quitting alcohol. Reading thru some of these stories has helped me realize that I have to stop now or I don't know what will happen if I keep it up. Thank you all. Here it goes.... I started drinking at an early age, 15. I'm not talking about a sip of liquor or beer. I'm talking full fledge fifths of rum and bourbon. I had a real bad self image. I was one of those teens who many believed that had it all, but that was far from the truth. I always knew that I drank to calm the pain and failure that I've feel inside. Not to blame my upbringing, but I was constantly compared to kids that were better than me. Alcohol became my way to ignore all of that and be in my own world. As I became older, those feelings still were there. By the time, I got the college I had a full understanding of why I drank. But at this point alcohol was apart of me. I've had spurts where I quit for a month or two through out the years. But like I've read in some of the stories on this site, that gave me a false feeling of control. When I eventually felt I deserved a drink due to my good behavior, I'd go on month long benders. Living my life as normal as could be. No one could suspect it. I did relatively well in college. Once I got done my school work, I was drinking until I passed out. That's the only way I know how to do it. I should of mentioned it earlier, I'm not a social drinker at all. I only like to get hammered alone. I'd always found comfort in just getting hammered thinking deep thoughts. At times , those thought led to suicidal thoughts. Should have mentioned that earlier as well. Those thoughts were always around. So after college and professional school. The drinking continued. At that point, I really thought I had things under control. I'd get really bombed on the weekends and when I had free time. My thoughts during work were dominated about drinking. I'd wake up to thinking about drinking. Which leads to my moment of shame. I showed up drunk to Church on Christmas Eve. I was drunk pretty much the entire holiday. I didn't care. Until I sobered up. I couldn't remembered what happened. Didn't know if I disrespected anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. I started to think back on all the people I pushed away and opportunities I missed out on due to drinking. Not much you can do in life when your'e getting black out drunk at 11 am. I just feed up with the whole lifestyle. I'm afraid what will happen if I continue to drink. It's gonna be tough to not drink on New Years Eve, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Been invited to alot of parties with free booze and everyone nows I'm the drinker. Gonna be some people upset with me, but there's no way I can be around any alcohol at this point. Gotta do what I gotta do :a108: Anyways, great to join this community. :c011: |
Welcome! You came to the right place. |
Welcome, TimeisNow, to SR. |
Welcome to SR Tymeisnow Nice to meet you |
Welcome, joining this site and being active here is a great step. Have you made plans on how you're going to proceed? |
Glad you're here! So much of what you said resonated with me. I know the dark side of alcohol, too. The awful intense suicidal feelings, the blackouts, wondering what humiliating thing I said/did, who I hurt....all of it. When I found out that I could choose not to be a slave to the bottle anymore I literally cried. You deserve that freedom, too. And if a few drinking buddies get mad in the process, big deal. Your life hangs in the balance. You've found a great community for support and encouragement. |
Glad to hear your joining around the same time is me. I have been to 2 AA meetings in two days. One thing I have already learned is that for me New Years Eve is way too far away from now. I am focused on not drinking from now until when I fall asleep (not likely). Tomorrow I start anew. Hopefully this is useful. Good luck to you |
Originally Posted by TymeisNow
(Post 5103696)
First, I'd like the say thank you all for your stories. I find this site by searching for tips on quitting alcohol. Reading thru some of these stories has helped me realize that I have to stop now or I don't know what will happen if I keep it up. Thank you all. Here it goes.... I started drinking at an early age, 15. I'm not talking about a sip of liquor or beer. I'm talking full fledge fifths of rum and bourbon. I had a real bad self image. I was one of those teens who many believed that had it all, but that was far from the truth. I always knew that I drank to calm the pain and failure that I've feel inside. Not to blame my upbringing, but I was constantly compared to kids that were better than me. Alcohol became my way to ignore all of that and be in my own world. As I became older, those feelings still were there. By the time, I got the college I had a full understanding of why I drank. But at this point alcohol was apart of me. I've had spurts where I quit for a month or two through out the years. But like I've read in some of the stories on this site, that gave me a false feeling of control. When I eventually felt I deserved a drink due to my good behavior, I'd go on month long benders. Living my life as normal as could be. No one could suspect it. I did relatively well in college. Once I got done my school work, I was drinking until I passed out. That's the only way I know how to do it. I should of mentioned it earlier, I'm not a social drinker at all. I only like to get hammered alone. I'd always found comfort in just getting hammered thinking deep thoughts. At times , those thought led to suicidal thoughts. Should have mentioned that earlier as well. Those thoughts were always around. So after college and professional school. The drinking continued. At that point, I really thought I had things under control. I'd get really bombed on the weekends and when I had free time. My thoughts during work were dominated about drinking. I'd wake up to thinking about drinking. Which leads to my moment of shame. I showed up drunk to Church on Christmas Eve. I was drunk pretty much the entire holiday. I didn't care. Until I sobered up. I couldn't remembered what happened. Didn't know if I disrespected anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. I started to think back on all the people I pushed away and opportunities I missed out on due to drinking. Not much you can do in life when your'e getting black out drunk at 11 am. I just feed up with the whole lifestyle. I'm afraid what will happen if I continue to drink. It's gonna be tough to not drink on New Years Eve, but I gotta do what I gotta do. Been invited to alot of parties with free booze and everyone nows I'm the drinker. Gonna be some people upset with me, but there's no way I can be around any alcohol at this point. Gotta do what I gotta do :a108: Anyways, great to join this community. :c011: As a professional you know how crucial it is to have a plan and execute to that plan, with regular reviews as to what is working and what isn't. Well, getting sober is simialar. You have to have a plan. A plan to change your usual activities. A plan to excuse yourself from attending those drinking social occasions. A plan to deal with each of the triggers. A plan to make renew your old true friends, A plan to ditch your drinking buddies. A plan to get your finances in order. A plan to get support and use it. Etc Etc Etc. It's the 29th tonite. You have two days to pick a movie, buy a couple of steaks, stock up on club soda and snacks. You can do this brother. I speak from 14 months worth of experience sober and 45 years of binge drinking. This life is better, much better. Send me a note anytime if you want to chat Rick |
Welcome to SR ! |
Originally Posted by fromadistance
(Post 5103718)
Welcome, joining this site and being active here is a great step. Have you made plans on how you're going to proceed? Right now, the fear of what might happen once I drink is my motivator. I had a crappy day and the thought of getting hammered popped in but I willed myself away. I picked up various herbal teas and have just been drinking cup after cup. Maybe that could be my thing. I'm not sure if this is the right section, but any way to ease these withdraws ? |
Tyme - Welcome, we're so glad you're here. You sound fed up and ready for a new beginning. I drank almost 30 yrs. & never imagined my life without it, even though it only brought me danger & misery. It's great to be free of it. |
Other than the typical (and may I say LAST) hangover, I didn't experience much in the way of physical withdrawal. I'm not much help with that, but I did have a basic plan to get through each day and stuck to it. It has been critical for me to be proactive rather than reactive. You can do this! |
Welcome! I'm glad you found SR. You will find a lot of helpful information on this site. |
Welcome Tymeisnow. I am glad you are with us. |
Welcome! :) If the withdrawals are too bad, see your doctor for medical help in getting thru them safely and comfortably. :hug: |
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