Sobriety and Loneliness
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 872
Sobriety and Loneliness
I have a desire today to be sober again. However, in order to avoid this be another knee-jerk commit on Sunday (when I am hungover/depressed) and then forget about it by next weekend I tried to do some reflection on the reasons why I drink.
My desire to drink is strongest on the weekends. I think during the week, I am usually occupied with work obligations. However, on the weekend I have more free time. Since I live alone, I think drinking at bars is my way to avoid feeling lonely. When I go out to the bar it gives me a chance to meet new people and offers an escape.
If I don’t go out and drink, I feel like I am “missing out” and feel alone. If I do drink, I will generally feel miserable the next day and waste the whole day. Sometimes it feels like either way I left with a bad option.
I know my drinking is not sustainable, and it makes my life feel like a blur. I don’t like the person I am when I drink and I think it is time to “grow up” and be sober and live the life that I want.
My desire to drink is strongest on the weekends. I think during the week, I am usually occupied with work obligations. However, on the weekend I have more free time. Since I live alone, I think drinking at bars is my way to avoid feeling lonely. When I go out to the bar it gives me a chance to meet new people and offers an escape.
If I don’t go out and drink, I feel like I am “missing out” and feel alone. If I do drink, I will generally feel miserable the next day and waste the whole day. Sometimes it feels like either way I left with a bad option.
I know my drinking is not sustainable, and it makes my life feel like a blur. I don’t like the person I am when I drink and I think it is time to “grow up” and be sober and live the life that I want.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I think firstly you need to retrain your brain - you have more choices than A go to bar and B be alone at home.
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I think firstly you need to retrain your brain - you have more choices than A go to bar and B be alone at home.
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The site is going mad.
I am not the author of the previous post...
D
I am not the author of the previous post...
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by ANewDayNYC
I have a desire today to be sober again. However, in order to avoid this be another knee-jerk commit on Sunday (when I am hungover/depressed) and then forget about it by next weekend I tried to do some reflection on the reasons why I drink.
My desire to drink is strongest on the weekends. I think during the week, I am usually occupied with work obligations. However, on the weekend I have more free time. Since I live alone, I think drinking at bars is my way to avoid feeling lonely. When I go out to the bar it gives me a chance to meet new people and offers an escape.
If I don’t go out and drink, I feel like I am “missing out” and feel alone. If I do drink, I will generally feel miserable the next day and waste the whole day. Sometimes it feels like either way I left with a bad option.
I know my drinking is not sustainable, and it makes my life feel like a blur. I don’t like the person I am when I drink and I think it is time to “grow up” and be sober and live the life that I want.
My desire to drink is strongest on the weekends. I think during the week, I am usually occupied with work obligations. However, on the weekend I have more free time. Since I live alone, I think drinking at bars is my way to avoid feeling lonely. When I go out to the bar it gives me a chance to meet new people and offers an escape.
If I don’t go out and drink, I feel like I am “missing out” and feel alone. If I do drink, I will generally feel miserable the next day and waste the whole day. Sometimes it feels like either way I left with a bad option.
I know my drinking is not sustainable, and it makes my life feel like a blur. I don’t like the person I am when I drink and I think it is time to “grow up” and be sober and live the life that I want.
I totally get going out to meet people to not feel alone. But looking back I've met few-to-none decent people. I wish I could get all that money back. I also get the "blur" and not liking who you are when you drink. I always look back on conversations, benign as they are, and think, "who is that person? He's an idiot."
If I slip, I force myself to get up in the morning. Working out with a hangover is a good punishment. I just wish I had a sober social life. It sounds like you're in the same place. Not having anyone to socialize with might be the worst part.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 872
Thanks Dee – I really appreciate your posts. I feel drinking has made sober activities I used to enjoy seem boring. Hopefully, in time this will normalize and I will enjoy these things again.
Most of my close friends are drinkers so I will likely need to make more sober friends.
I think the AA suggestion is good – I want to get back in a routine. I will stick close to SR too.
Most of my close friends are drinkers so I will likely need to make more sober friends.
I think the AA suggestion is good – I want to get back in a routine. I will stick close to SR too.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I am sober and I live alone (with two dogs and four cats) and I am not lonely. 
My animals give me all the company I need, and if I need human interaction, I know what to do.
Just because I'm sober doesn't mean I have to be lonely. Now that I'm sober, I enjoy my own company.
My animals give me all the company I need, and if I need human interaction, I know what to do. Just because I'm sober doesn't mean I have to be lonely.
Now that I'm sober, I enjoy my own company. Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: BALTIMORE
Posts: 46
Loneliness is hands down my biggest trigger. Sometimes I don't get to see my son for days, and in that time I start thinking that a drink will make me feel better, even though I know it won't. In fact, I missed hanging out with him today because I woke up hungover, late and didn't want him to see me like that. It's not fair to him or his mother, and she put up with my drinking for a long time before she had finally had enough. I've found that AA is a huge help, and for some reason I keep turning my back on it, especially when I need it the most. As horrible as the first few sober days can be, euphoric recall is a very real phenomenon. This site is truly a godsend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Burien WA.
Posts: 2,893
You took the words out of my life, I feel healthier not drinking but there are some things I miss, I liked the social scene in bars. I'm doing my best to fill that void with other pursuits. I think you will feel glad if you stick to staying sober. good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think firstly you need to retrain your brain - you have more choices than A go to bar and B be alone at home.
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
"instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it."
If you continue to stay sober, the rest will fall into place...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Dee74
The site is going mad.
I am not the author of the previous post...
D
I am not the author of the previous post...
D
ANewDay... I completely understand. I have moved to a new town recently ..and through Christmas I came face to face with the reality of having no friends or life built here yet. All my life I have made friends via work and bars.
We need to put new activities and ways to meet people into our lives. We can meet people via taking a class, joining a gym or a church, volunteering at events, joining a book or running or hiking club. We need to fill our lives differently.
Can you think of things you can do to fill your time?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I'm doing fine
by chance I found two articles that may help:
5 Ways to Fight Loneliness Over the HolidaysÂ*|Â*Lisa Firestone
Loneliness during the Holidays: How to Cope
by chance I found two articles that may help:
5 Ways to Fight Loneliness Over the HolidaysÂ*|Â*Lisa Firestone
Loneliness during the Holidays: How to Cope
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I thought by quitting I would miss out on something to. I am missing out on depression, anxiety, insanity, hangovers, shakes, paranoia, threat of jail everytime I drink outside my house, etc... Its not worth it. The beginning was weird but as time went on it got so much better. I enjoy my life now and my sobriety is very important to me.
Maybe give your friends a chance. Ask them to do something sober and see what happens. Its ok to tell people you dont want to drink anymore. They will have a new respect for you. Those that dont cant kiss off.
Maybe give your friends a chance. Ask them to do something sober and see what happens. Its ok to tell people you dont want to drink anymore. They will have a new respect for you. Those that dont cant kiss off.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
I think firstly you need to retrain your brain - you have more choices than A go to bar and B be alone at home.
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
there are a multitude of other things to do...this is a good list to get the ideas flowing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
I don't know if your friends would be interested in doing other things or not...but if not, maybe for the sake of the life you want, you need new friends?
I think you need to play the long game - instead of focusing on being lonely now, accept that this is a period of rebuilding your life the way you want it.
You will find friends who better reflect the sober life you want to lead, I guarantee it.
For now one of the easiest ways to stave off loneliness is maybe hitting a few AA meetings over the weekend?
Think hard about what exactly you're 'missing out' on - I missed out on large chunks out of 2 decades thanks to drinking.
Play the tape through and accept once and for all that you can never be a normal drinker.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
It took me a long while attempting to 'figure out' why I drink.
Spent a lot of my precious years on this liferide throwing away my gifts getting drunk... Then 'reflecting' on why.
Finally figured out that the reason I drank is I'm an alcoholic.
Now I don't drink. The 'reasons' still come and go in life. But I choose not to.
And life is a whole lot better.
Spent a lot of my precious years on this liferide throwing away my gifts getting drunk... Then 'reflecting' on why.
Finally figured out that the reason I drank is I'm an alcoholic.
Now I don't drink. The 'reasons' still come and go in life. But I choose not to.
And life is a whole lot better.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Tang
I look at it as a choice between some loneliness or despair. While drinking I felt despair. Loneliness can be overcome with time. Drinking only added more despair.
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