Stress hit a boiling point, I slipped up
 

I should have come to SR, but I let alcohol seduce me instead.

I've been under a lot of stress lately (mainly by my own doing) and I hit my limit on Christmas Eve. I'm trying to start a business and I've been investing enormous amounts of time and money into it over the last year. This was one of the reasons I initially joined SR a couple months ago. I believed, and still believe, that the stress of this endeavor is contributing to some of the deeper feelings that have driven me to drinking. I spend countless hours reading books and trying to learn as much as I can, I haven't allowed myself time for anything else, including coming on here for a few moments each day, which is something I told myself I would do. But of course I let work consume my every thought and action. I dedicate so much of each day to it that it has literally exhausted me mentally and physically. I think I am just now beginning to understand the term "drained".

Anyway, because of all the money I've been putting into work, I wasn't able to afford Christmas presents. This had been bothering me for a while. I guess I was feeling guilty. Then, on Christmas eve, it came time to exchange gifts with my family. I received a bunch of great things, but had nothing to give in return. Finally, the guilt got the best of me. I retreated to my room to be alone. I did not want to be around my family. I felt horrible. My dad came up to my room several moments later to tell me not to worry about it. He also told me that he's been putting money away to send me back to school to finish my psychology degree. Once he said that, I couldn't hide my emotions anymore. I'm not a guy who cries very often, but man I just broke down and started sobbing. After a long talk with my dad in which he told me to slow down and not worry about things so much, I felt better in a way, but still felt wrong too. Later in the night, I started drinking...

And so has been the case the last four nights. I never thought I would reach this point in my life. I feel like the only thing that doesn't make this rock bottom is my parents roof over my head. I'm single, broke, I have a chronic illness for which managing it is itself a full-time job. But I feel like I should feel better. My dad basically just gave me a new lease on life! And I am excited to go back to college, something I've missed the past several years. But I still just feel empty for some reason. Maybe I am just overblowing it and worrying too much. But one thing is certain, letting myself lose touch with the importance of staying away from alcohol isn't helping.

Mns your back thats the main thing and i for 1 am glad to see you back

you can do this

Think about all the positives, you came and posted about it, that shows that you want this Mns, you have a great family around you, a shot at going back to college, a business to look forward to.

Don't let alcohol ruin all of that, drinking only created hangovers in my life and nothing much else, it seemed to only take away.

Have the life that you want, and don't settle for anything else.

You can do this!! :)

MNS - you sound like a really hard working guy. It also sounds like your parents are absolutely phenomenal people. Not because of their roof, or the tuition, but because your dad is trying to comfort / soothe your emotional state of mind. Hell, he sounds like my hero. And yet, i understand how one can be down, even when the rest of the world thinks everything is roses. My friend, you need an attitude adjustment - not the negative kind, you have enough of that. The kind where you step out and try to objectively assess your situation. Let me give it a shot:

A few years into school, I was inspired enough to try my hand at self-employment. I didn't make money at first, but I wasn't constrained either. I had a place to live that was fully paid for, access to great home cooking, and surrounded by family that supported my aspirations. The truth is, my business failed. Didn't make a cent, was actually a bit in the red. But guess what, I still had a home, still had food and my family. The only difference is that I learned a ton about life and business in my failed endeavor. It gave me a maturity I wouldn't have gotten in college when I first entered. I moved forward, went back to school, and the rest is history - great job, great home, and best of all same great family!

Truth is, this really isn't my story, but it sure sounds like yours from where I'm reading. If I drank because of this, it wouldn't have been in sorrow, that's for sure. Maybe the only thing I can share with you, is that I learned to celebrate life by eliminating the alcohol. Maybe if you give it up too, you would realize how amazing your life sounds. Your a fortunate person, maybe give your folks a hug and ask for their continued support as you put down the bottle.

mns :hug: It seems to me that it's time for some kindness and compassion. You'll find tons of that here, my friend. Good to see you back xxx

ps your dad sounds amazing :)

No, you're NOT overblowing this. You see a problem in how you're reacting, and you're looking to find out if that's a good reaction. Well done! Looking to alcohol to change our mood when we're under stress or uncertainty is an indicator someone may have a problem with alcohol.

If you "play the tape forward", you could construct explaining things to someone in 2016.
1) In 2014, i was putting lots of time and money into a new business
2) There were some problems (which always happens with new businesses), and i started drinking.
3) When i started drinking, i felt better temporarily, but i didn't spend much time on my business.

So don't let alcohol take from you all the work and money you've invested.
It's a natural reaction to feel uncertainty and some fear when starting a new business. That's why it's a new business, no one else has done it before.
Please post everyday, i'm rooting for your success.

Wow. Why did I stop posting on here? Forgot how positive it made me feel. Thanks guys. I know what I need to do to stay sober. I just lost sight of it. Coming on here quickly reminded me of that. Hopefully I can be strong tonight and get back on track. I downloaded the app on my ipad so I get notifications and easy access to the forums. So I'll read around on here to help keep me heading in the right direction again.

Glad that you are back, mms.

Glad you put the SR app on your phone.

Remember - there is always someone here who cares and who truly wants to see you succeed.

I love your "Office Space"pic! Hang in there. ...

Hi,

We seem to be on similar paths. I started my own business about 3 years ago with the help of a dear friend, then he moved back toIreland after about 6 months, neither of us had any business experience but it still worked out and I've been on my own with it the last 2 years. Its awesome because it pays for my university tuition, I don't take out loans.
Like you I was obsessed with it, you kinda have to be, but it's one of my worst triggers, the stress of it gets to me so badly sometimes. That's why I think I can travel and stay off the drink- no business.
I would take advantage of living with your parents and allowing them to pay your tuition, have a good time and enjoy university, it's such an awesome experience, you can start a business anytime. ( sometimes I have fantasies of mine burning down ;) )
Yes I've learned a lot, but my biggest dream would to be attending Uni full time without the stress of living on my own and running a business, coming up with the money for tuition etc.
I hope you can get sober and enjoy all the wonderful experiences life has to offer. I'm new at being sober and I'm stumbling around with it, but I'm confident in myself and I'm confident in you too
Best wishes xxxx

You got out resourced. The strain, the expectations of self, the mental fatigue..the pressures of the season....you couldn't cope.
You went to the only one you thought was within grasp.

That therein lies our problem. We need new coping mechanisms. We need new things to grasp when we are drowning to prevent the alcohol drowning.

You are starting anew... keep on keepin' on. Stay sober today.

Yes Jsbodhi I acknowledge that there is more stress to come once I get myself going. My brother runs his own business and seems like he is constantly on the move, never relaxing. But I think the fact that I'm getting into my late 20s and am stuck just bothers me. I know it's not my fault because my medical condition has caused me a lot of hardship. But it just makes me feel inadequate or something.

I feel ya, I was 28 when I opened mine and started school ( late bloomer) I felt inadequate too, still do often times :)
It'll happen for you though!
I think pushing myself too hard greatly contributed to my alcoholism :(

I have definitely been pushing myself too hard lately. I never give myself time to just goof around and not worry about things. I think all of that just pushed me over the edge and I just freaked out.

It sounds like you and your family are investing a lot in your future. Booze really could make all of that into wasted time and money, if you let it. That sounds like a pretty high priority.

I really believe that recovery is all about balance. At least, for me, it is.

Give yourself a chance to relax a bit, spend some time here at SR, enjoy your family and continue your education.

That is exactly what I plan to work on now Anna, achieving balance. I'm gonna slow down and take things one day at a time rather than trying to accomplish everything at once.