Attending to one's own needs
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Attending to one's own needs
I think I have touched on this before, but I have found that I am very "out of touch" with some of my needs. And because of that lack of awareness (suppression of feelings/thoughts) I really don't feel like I have that deep compelling desire to stop drinking. I feel like it is a superficial desire that waxes and wanes, not like some folks here on the forum. I truly admire you guys who have made a do-or-die decision with all the conviction behind it. I haven't been able to reach that. I truly don't want to get to a point of becoming ill or hurting myself or others before I absolutely resolve to quit. My reason for quitting now is more esoteric at least for now. Hope this makes sense.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
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ArtFriend - now is the right time to quit, believe me!
If I had quit when I felt the same as you, I might still have my house, my husband and my child. Although all three of these things still exist, they are no longer a daily part of my life.
Alcohol took me to death's door - I hung myself - and I am still struggling with some of the effects of this even now, nearly two years later.
It is hard to 'make yourself' have a desire, but use the stories of others to help create it, rather than living through similar yourself to create it.
Best wishes
If I had quit when I felt the same as you, I might still have my house, my husband and my child. Although all three of these things still exist, they are no longer a daily part of my life.
Alcohol took me to death's door - I hung myself - and I am still struggling with some of the effects of this even now, nearly two years later.
It is hard to 'make yourself' have a desire, but use the stories of others to help create it, rather than living through similar yourself to create it.
Best wishes
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OMG, feeling-good, I am so very sorry for your circumstances. That kind of "shocked" me a bit. I do hope you are on the mend now. Wow. Thank you for your heartfelt reply too. You make total sense!
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
ArtFriend - I am glad it shocked you a little; I only wish it would shock you more and help you to get sober 
Bunnez is right.
I am ok and managing fine day to day. I am working away slowly on some of the other things in my life that are not 'right' but the main thing is I am sober. You can be too.
Bunnez is right.I am ok and managing fine day to day. I am working away slowly on some of the other things in my life that are not 'right' but the main thing is I am sober. You can be too.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me I could see with own eyes the spiral and the path alcohol was taking me down!!
I have doubt things would have gotten worse and catching things early was must, but because I was thinking about alcohol all the time, started to check out websites for info on how much is too much etc, all the things normal drinkers don't do, I knew I had a problem.
I guess it's a case of figuring out where your at AF and whether alcohol is adding anything to life, or is Sobriety something that would be beneficial, for me that question was what sealed the deal!!
I have doubt things would have gotten worse and catching things early was must, but because I was thinking about alcohol all the time, started to check out websites for info on how much is too much etc, all the things normal drinkers don't do, I knew I had a problem.
I guess it's a case of figuring out where your at AF and whether alcohol is adding anything to life, or is Sobriety something that would be beneficial, for me that question was what sealed the deal!!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Oakland, CA
Posts: 10
This is something I am scared of, Artfriend. Today and yesterday I have the most intense conviction never to drink again, but I know that after enough time passes I will be challenged by the intrusive thoughts that it really wasn't all that bad and maybe I can just be a normal social drinker. This is what trips me up every single time, so I'm making it my mission to be ready and refuse those self-harming ideas. Reminds me of that song, "It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy." What to do when the enemy is within is so very challenging (for me). I ordered a book yesterday about changing one's thought process: "When AA Doesn't Work For You: Rational Steps to Quitting Alcohol." It looks promising.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
I am with Feeling-good on this.
It would have been nice if I had quit for good when I was feeling as you do, Artfriend.
Drinking myself to near death is what finally got me to quit and stay quit.
Just by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin am I alive today.
It would have been nice if I had quit for good when I was feeling as you do, Artfriend.
Drinking myself to near death is what finally got me to quit and stay quit.
Just by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin am I alive today.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by Purpleknight 
For me I could see with own eyes the spiral and the path alcohol was taking me down!!
I have doubt things would have gotten worse and catching things early was must, but because I was thinking about alcohol all the time, started to check out websites for info on how much is too much etc, all the things normal drinkers don't do, I knew I had a problem.
I guess it's a case of figuring out where your at AF and whether alcohol is adding anything to life, or is Sobriety something that would be beneficial, for me that question was what sealed the deal!!
I have doubt things would have gotten worse and catching things early was must, but because I was thinking about alcohol all the time, started to check out websites for info on how much is too much etc, all the things normal drinkers don't do, I knew I had a problem.
I guess it's a case of figuring out where your at AF and whether alcohol is adding anything to life, or is Sobriety something that would be beneficial, for me that question was what sealed the deal!!
But I won't for long if I keep this up, it's getting worse faster and faster, each blackout getting more horrible.
Why did you want to quit in the first place artfriend? Just out of curiosity?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
I truly don't want to get to a point of becoming ill or hurting myself or others before I absolutely resolve to quit.
It cant be done on our terms. We have already screwed it up. Our way does not work. You say you dont have the "conviction" yet. Do you really want to wait for it to be given to you? Trust me. Its not fun.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
My reason for quitting now is more esoteric at least for now. Hope this makes sense.
So maybe you should get a piece of paper and write out the Pros and Cons of drinking. And then analyze the assumptions behind those pros & cons.
Will you find a benefit to your life to continue the activity of drinking?
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Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Why did you want to quit in the first place artfriend? Just out of curiosity?
Alcoholism runs deep on both sides of my family. My dad and brother, sister was a drug addict, g-parents, cousins, aunts and uncles. I watched what I drank for many years and could stop at one or two. When my sister was killed, I went off the rails for awhile. I began drinking more and more... I was 43 at the time. It just crept up on me. I was able to drop back down for awhile and then my mom and g-mother died on the same day in 2012. Up I went again. Became a every-night drinker. Never during the day. I didn't lose a partner, or kids or jobs or anything like that. I just knew that drinking nightly was not good for my body. But I liked the buzz every night.
I found this forum back in May, but didn't join until Sept. And have been on and off drinking since. I stopped on Thanksgiving and went until Xmas, but then had 3 drinks.
I never drink and drive. Always get my work done before drinking. I am not exonerating myself, just telling you how it is.
So why quit? Poison to body and soul, expensive, and I feel guilty.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Artfriend, I am not sure if you have spent much time looking at the newcomer's thread posts, but if you haven't, I would highly recommend spending some time reading them.
Any one of these stories in the newcomer's thread could be your own if you continue to drink. Do you want to take that chance? Just seeing these stories strengthens my resolve to never drink again. It's just not worth it and my life is better without alcohol in it.
Any one of these stories in the newcomer's thread could be your own if you continue to drink. Do you want to take that chance? Just seeing these stories strengthens my resolve to never drink again. It's just not worth it and my life is better without alcohol in it.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Originally Posted by ArtFriend
So why quit? Poison to body and soul, expensive, and I feel guilty.
If you're using alcohol to control your mood, its an indication it's not being used in a healthy way.
If alcohol makes you feel like you can cope with situations more effectively, it's a good sign that it's use will grow during stressfilled situations. A much better approach is to get on a prescription from your doctor.
What are the benefits of keeping alcohol in your life?
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Originally Posted by strategery
Artfriend, I am not sure if you have spent much time looking at the newcomer's thread posts, but if you haven't, I would highly recommend spending some time reading them.
Any one of these stories in the newcomer's thread could be your own if you continue to drink. Do you want to take that chance? Just seeing these stories strengthens my resolve to never drink again. It's just not worth it and my life is better without alcohol in it.
Any one of these stories in the newcomer's thread could be your own if you continue to drink. Do you want to take that chance? Just seeing these stories strengthens my resolve to never drink again. It's just not worth it and my life is better without alcohol in it.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Originally Posted by AcceptingChange
Other reasons to quit: Just because we can quit at two drinks now doesn't mean we'll be able to in the future. Alcoholism is progressive.
If you're using alcohol to control your mood, its an indication it's not being used in a healthy way.
If alcohol makes you feel like you can cope with situations more effectively, it's a good sign that it's use will grow during stressfilled situations. A much better approach is to get on a prescription from your doctor.
What are the benefits of keeping alcohol in your life?
If you're using alcohol to control your mood, its an indication it's not being used in a healthy way.
If alcohol makes you feel like you can cope with situations more effectively, it's a good sign that it's use will grow during stressfilled situations. A much better approach is to get on a prescription from your doctor.
What are the benefits of keeping alcohol in your life?
Benefits? uhm...lets see....thinking... well, uh... collecting nice bottles? LOL!
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
I know your heart is heavy. The loss of your sister is an extremely difficult thing to handle emotionally. I'm really sorry this happened to your sister.
Grief over the loss of a dear loved one is one of the most stressful situations in our human life. Have you thought of getting counseling and working through your deep grief through a process assisted by a professional? Something like that makes us question everything in life down to the bedrock of existence. A person never gets over that, it's something that one can only learn how to live with. Again, i'm really sorry for this tragedy that is deeply affecting you.
Grief over the loss of a dear loved one is one of the most stressful situations in our human life. Have you thought of getting counseling and working through your deep grief through a process assisted by a professional? Something like that makes us question everything in life down to the bedrock of existence. A person never gets over that, it's something that one can only learn how to live with. Again, i'm really sorry for this tragedy that is deeply affecting you.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Hi ArtFriend - I don't know if this will be helpful, but my commitment to sobriety built over time after I made the decision to quit drinking and started working a plan.
In the context of my alcoholism things were going relatively okay. I was in a period of halfway moderating and definitely drinking less overall than I had in times past. In fact, I don't recall that the day I made the decision came on the heels of a binge or aftermath of drinking that had me feeling sick and tired. The details are a bit fuzzy, but I think I just came to a realization that I was in a temporary lull in my drinking and that I had a friend who I really admire who has 4 years of sobriety and that I wanted to do what she was doing. So I quit drinking - nothing dramatic or epic; I stopped drinking based on nothing more than that.
My actual commitment to sobriety came through throwing myself into sobriety work. I began spending a lot of time on SR. I met with my friend who was thrilled to become my sponsor and walk me through the steps and introduce me to AA meetings. I believe there are many paths to sobriety, but for me personally I find my sobriety connected to my spiritual condition, so I became active with church activities and started daily devotions and meditations at home. I began to close loop holes that might allow me more easily slip back into drinking by sharing with a trusted colleague who has become my work accountability partner for work functions where they might be alcohol, and I also shared my sobriety with close friends which means that when we go to their place for dinner there is a water glass at my place at the dinner table without me asking.
What the work has been doing is slowly building commitment within me. 50 days ago when I quit drinking, I had some little voice in my head that said that it was a given that some day in my life surely I would drink again, but over time that has changed. Am I invincible? No. Will I be tempted? Yes. Could I fail? Yes, if I quit doing and maintaining the work. But for me, failure is not an option - my relationship with drugs and alcohol is over....permanently.
I don't know how to wrap up what I'm trying to say, but you don't need a lot of deep reasons or insight to quit drinking. All you have to do is simply stop.....today and then one day at a time. Jump into the personal work and give it all ya got, and I'm confident the commitment you admire in others will become a part of who you are.
In the context of my alcoholism things were going relatively okay. I was in a period of halfway moderating and definitely drinking less overall than I had in times past. In fact, I don't recall that the day I made the decision came on the heels of a binge or aftermath of drinking that had me feeling sick and tired. The details are a bit fuzzy, but I think I just came to a realization that I was in a temporary lull in my drinking and that I had a friend who I really admire who has 4 years of sobriety and that I wanted to do what she was doing. So I quit drinking - nothing dramatic or epic; I stopped drinking based on nothing more than that.
My actual commitment to sobriety came through throwing myself into sobriety work. I began spending a lot of time on SR. I met with my friend who was thrilled to become my sponsor and walk me through the steps and introduce me to AA meetings. I believe there are many paths to sobriety, but for me personally I find my sobriety connected to my spiritual condition, so I became active with church activities and started daily devotions and meditations at home. I began to close loop holes that might allow me more easily slip back into drinking by sharing with a trusted colleague who has become my work accountability partner for work functions where they might be alcohol, and I also shared my sobriety with close friends which means that when we go to their place for dinner there is a water glass at my place at the dinner table without me asking.
What the work has been doing is slowly building commitment within me. 50 days ago when I quit drinking, I had some little voice in my head that said that it was a given that some day in my life surely I would drink again, but over time that has changed. Am I invincible? No. Will I be tempted? Yes. Could I fail? Yes, if I quit doing and maintaining the work. But for me, failure is not an option - my relationship with drugs and alcohol is over....permanently.
I don't know how to wrap up what I'm trying to say, but you don't need a lot of deep reasons or insight to quit drinking. All you have to do is simply stop.....today and then one day at a time. Jump into the personal work and give it all ya got, and I'm confident the commitment you admire in others will become a part of who you are.
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