hypochondriac

Your post made me smile a bit Artfriend. Have you ever considered that your drinking is what is making you out of touch with your needs? Nothing suppresses thoughts and feelings more effectively. I have always said that when I was drinking, people could have pissed on me from a high height and I would have said "thank you very much". I had no idea what my needs were when I was drinking. Almost the moment I got sober those desires came back to me and I started looking after myself. Drink was destroying me and I thought it was my best friend. I didn't want to quit when I quit, like so many of us I left it til I really needed to for medical reasons. That waxing and waning is pure addictive voice. Don't wait til you want to before you quit because you'll be waiting forever.

anattaboy

I can respect that Art. We all ride the train for different lengths and I read sooooo many posts that remind me of me at 22 or 32 or even 42 and the attitudes at different stages of the progression. I was as serious and honest as I could muster every time I quit but this time I have eliminated the "buts" (I've worn them all out anyway). I believe we all give it our very best to make drinking work before throwing in the towel. Not everyone will spiral to the same depth but everyone will know the futility of well-laid plans if they are alcoholic. I suppose we become "happy-go-lucky" because anything can happen when alcohol is added--gotta be optimistic. Art, I hope you don't have to find the "yets" but it's your journey. I'm gonna stick around here awhile. It's safe.

Dee74

this sounds an awful lot like the AV rationalising I used to do....I really don't have that desire to quit, maybe I'm one of those constitutionally incapable ones, maybe my life/my personality is such I need to drink to function, and anyway my life drinking was not THAT bad...

There be dragons.

whatever your reasons are that are keeping you on the path work with them...I guarantee that with a little work and 3 months, 6 months, a years sobriety you will look back and marvel at the way things have changed for you, AF

D

Lookingforchange

From what I've read about your history of drinking and family history , I think teetotal is def the plan forward!

Nuudawn

In my mind, THAT is a pretty good reason for sobriety right there. Meeting needs with "alcohol" is a one trick pony...a one stop shop.

Believe me..I completely understand your struggle AF. I KNOW that my life is larger in sobriety IF..it is a journey to understand and learn how to care for myself.

I was on that journey in my sobriety of 2013..

I honestly don't believe I was on that journey in my sobriety of this year. It was my intention..but I got muddled up in something else where I lost my self. I was not travelling by my own compass ...my sobriety was not so much about learning who I was as it was in 2013. I think it had more to do with getting acceptance, approval or love from others...than from myself.

Where do you want your life to go? What do you want it to be? Do you still see alcohol in the picture?

I strongly believe that the arduous journey of learning to know and love ourselves is more a sober one. But that is "my" opinion...

And not yours. What is yours? How do you believe you will discover and meet your own needs...be there for yourself if your are taking yourself to alcohol's counsel?

doggonecarl

Do you really think everyone here who has a solid foundation of recovery did so because they had a do-or-die conviction to get sober? Not so.

The benefits of sobriety are cumulative, as is our conviction to remain sober. Accumulate some sober time and you will see.

luvmygirls

Are you alone? (There is no external force to compel you to stop drinking; no partner or children to lose when they don't exist). As a follow-up, are you lonely? Do you believe you're an alcoholic?