As much as I want to ***** Foot around with the wording - I am an Alcoholic....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: North East Scotland
Posts: 487
As much as I want to ***** Foot around with the wording - I am an Alcoholic....
I've ***** footed around with the wording of "having a drink problem" .... and being a "heavy drinker" .... and have convinced myself that I can do this..... I can give up the red wine......
But I can't .... I need help.
I'm calling the dr tomorrow morning for an apt & going in. This is partly due to the fact that my liver area is so painful .... and because I want to talk to them about just how serious my drinking is. I just hope I'm not too late & I've not done some life threatening damage to my liver / pancreas etc....
My drinking started around 18 years ago ..... my dad died and it hit me very badly.....I had (and still have) major health anxiety, and was always convinced that I was dying. The only thing that seemed to help was a few glasses of red wine....
Then my mum died 6 years after my dad - of pancreatic & liver cancer .... health anxiety went into overdrive and I've pretty much been on a bottle or two of red, every night, since then. That was 12 years ago.
I've stopped / cut back occasionally, when I was pregnant with my 2 children....and twice I've been hospitalised due to my health anxiety getting out of control ... and liver pains etc .... (due to alcohol) ... but all my tests have come back clear .... was told in January (after my last liver scan) that I have a beautifully healthy liver....but if I wanted to keep it that was - I should cut back on the booze....
And yet !!!! still !!! I carry on !!!
Terrified of dying and leaving my children & husband - terrified of leaving my kids without a mum .... but yet !!! I still carry on drinking !!!!
A couple of years ago - Dr put me on Sertraline for my anxiety .... works very well when you're not an alcoholic and the meds get a chance to get into your system .... unfortunately the meds never get a chance to get into mine, as I don't stop drinking long enough.
I am an alcoholic .... and I need help to stop.
I'm going to speak to the dr tomorrow and check out AA - and stay very very close to you guys if that's ok with you.
xxxxxx
But I can't .... I need help.
I'm calling the dr tomorrow morning for an apt & going in. This is partly due to the fact that my liver area is so painful .... and because I want to talk to them about just how serious my drinking is. I just hope I'm not too late & I've not done some life threatening damage to my liver / pancreas etc....
My drinking started around 18 years ago ..... my dad died and it hit me very badly.....I had (and still have) major health anxiety, and was always convinced that I was dying. The only thing that seemed to help was a few glasses of red wine....
Then my mum died 6 years after my dad - of pancreatic & liver cancer .... health anxiety went into overdrive and I've pretty much been on a bottle or two of red, every night, since then. That was 12 years ago.
I've stopped / cut back occasionally, when I was pregnant with my 2 children....and twice I've been hospitalised due to my health anxiety getting out of control ... and liver pains etc .... (due to alcohol) ... but all my tests have come back clear .... was told in January (after my last liver scan) that I have a beautifully healthy liver....but if I wanted to keep it that was - I should cut back on the booze....
And yet !!!! still !!! I carry on !!!
Terrified of dying and leaving my children & husband - terrified of leaving my kids without a mum .... but yet !!! I still carry on drinking !!!!
A couple of years ago - Dr put me on Sertraline for my anxiety .... works very well when you're not an alcoholic and the meds get a chance to get into your system .... unfortunately the meds never get a chance to get into mine, as I don't stop drinking long enough.
I am an alcoholic .... and I need help to stop.
I'm going to speak to the dr tomorrow and check out AA - and stay very very close to you guys if that's ok with you.
xxxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Totally OK! Sounds like you are getting a plan together with seeing the doc. Excellent! Hanging out here has been good for this quitter. Hope you find some helpful words here too. (they're easy to come by
Recognising my AV
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Hello Shenzy
I can really empathise with your story - thanks for posting.
I too lost both parents at young ages - I was 21 when my old Man died at 48 - and have suffered massive health related anxieties since. The best (and only) medication that 'worked' for me was the self administration of large volumes of alcohol on a daily basis.
The trouble I found was that it only worked at the time of taking the drug - so I either had to suffer for large parts of the day or extend the times I drank for. 26 years later the drinking is still effective in dealing with the anxieties and has just added rafts of other issues and buried deep seated problems. Since finding this site and putting nearly 2 months of work into sobriety - I really think stopping drinking is the only way forward. Without doing that, for me, any other treatment is futile.
Hope all goes well with the doc - and eep noodling around on here
I can really empathise with your story - thanks for posting.
I too lost both parents at young ages - I was 21 when my old Man died at 48 - and have suffered massive health related anxieties since. The best (and only) medication that 'worked' for me was the self administration of large volumes of alcohol on a daily basis.
The trouble I found was that it only worked at the time of taking the drug - so I either had to suffer for large parts of the day or extend the times I drank for. 26 years later the drinking is still effective in dealing with the anxieties and has just added rafts of other issues and buried deep seated problems. Since finding this site and putting nearly 2 months of work into sobriety - I really think stopping drinking is the only way forward. Without doing that, for me, any other treatment is futile.
Hope all goes well with the doc - and eep noodling around on here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: North East Scotland
Posts: 487
Thanks again everyone for your replies.
Thanks SoberLeigh
Anattaboy - definitely getting a plan in place - I can't do it on a wing & a prayer...wish I could.
Soberwolf - I've checked out the local meetings & times - I'm going to chat with the Dr 1st tomorrow, as they also have access to local support groups. x
Jsbodhi - it's hell isn't it ? I'm so afraid now.
OMG - Hendrix - your story is very like mine .... you're so right - the only way forward is stopping drinking.
xxxx
Thanks SoberLeigh
Anattaboy - definitely getting a plan in place - I can't do it on a wing & a prayer...wish I could.
Soberwolf - I've checked out the local meetings & times - I'm going to chat with the Dr 1st tomorrow, as they also have access to local support groups. x
Jsbodhi - it's hell isn't it ? I'm so afraid now.
OMG - Hendrix - your story is very like mine .... you're so right - the only way forward is stopping drinking.
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
It is scary for sure, for a long time I kept telling myself " it's only wine"
Time to get a grip on our lives. AA, posting on here all the time and eating candies helps me. Gotta get back into yoga too.
What doesn't help is thinking about wine and getting all dreamy about it and romanticizing it.
I look forward to watching your progress xoxo
Time to get a grip on our lives. AA, posting on here all the time and eating candies helps me. Gotta get back into yoga too.
What doesn't help is thinking about wine and getting all dreamy about it and romanticizing it.
I look forward to watching your progress xoxo
odd fellow
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 45
Right on Shenzy... welcome aboard. And thankfully, you got here before your liver got damaged!
I hope you find the AA meetings helpful. Odds are, you'll hear some things you might identify with. We're all unique individuals with unique stories. But we share that common thread...
See you around
I hope you find the AA meetings helpful. Odds are, you'll hear some things you might identify with. We're all unique individuals with unique stories. But we share that common thread...
See you around
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I didn’t care for the label of being an alcoholic because at that time I couldn’t get honest with myself about my drinking “problem.”
During a meeting someone said that he/she could not drink in safety. I liked that and used it comfortably to describe myself. It is easy and very true.
BE WELL
I didn’t care for the label of being an alcoholic because at that time I couldn’t get honest with myself about my drinking “problem.”
During a meeting someone said that he/she could not drink in safety. I liked that and used it comfortably to describe myself. It is easy and very true.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
You can do this! One day at a time! AA is critical to my recovery. I couldn't do it without those people and their amazing way of living. Well, maybe I could stay sober but not happy. I'm glad you are going to check out AA. I recommend trying 7 different meetings before you decide if you like it. I would also recommend telling them you are new...not to embarrass you but to welcome you. You will be the most important person in the room! Newcomers to AA REALLY help people. I love AA! Those people understand me and love me unconditionally. The 12 steps are an amazing way to live too! Good luck! You can do this!!!
BTW....obviously I love SR too because I'm on here now. Haha. The people here are awesome. I use BOTH AA and SR daily.
BTW....obviously I love SR too because I'm on here now. Haha. The people here are awesome. I use BOTH AA and SR daily.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm so glad you found us Shenzy. I was drinking 24/7 when I found SR - alcohol had ruled my world for decades. It's wonderful to be free of it. We're here to support and encourage you.
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