New here. I think I'm an alcoholic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 16
New here. I think I'm an alcoholic.
I have had problems with drinking since I was a teenager. Alcohol was always present in my life unless I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I had no problems quitting during that time but once the babies were a few months old back to drinking I went. For a long time I was able to control the intake and just drink enough to feel good and then stop. I still drank pretty much every night. 5:00pm was my magic number that made it "OK" to start drinking. Once in awhile Saturdays would be ok to have something earlier. The last couple of years my drinking has increased to where I can't control it. My drink of choice is red wine but anything will do in a pinch. I normally drink alone (my husband doesn't drink...he just doesn't get anything from it and would rather smoke his cigarettes...the common joke between us was he smokes and I drink...we both had our bad habits) but have a couple of friends who I'm close to that enjoy wine as much as I do so that is our thing. Now these our friends I am very close to outside of wine so my major hurdle right now is telling them I don't drink anymore. Anyway as I saw it my drinking rarely caused anyone any trouble. I drank and the worst thing I normally would do is fall asleep during a tv show or a movie that my husband and I were watching (he hated that). The way I saw it was who was I hurting but myself. Well the last year or so pretty much every night is a blackout. I usually don't remember anything the next morning. There have been several occasions that my husband has been at his wits end with my drinking and has taken to making comments about how drunk I get and never remember anything. I know he's sick of it and I'm ashamed of it. Last spring I decided that I needed to stop. I decided to wait until my 40th birthday party because I knew that would be a big night with friends. I quit for a few days and then started again. There were several other attempts after that. Sometimes I had withdrawal symptoms and sometimes I just felt anxious. I think that I might be an alcoholic but I don't know who to talk to about it. The final straw was Christmas Day. I wrapped all the presents and got everything ready on Christmas Eve. I was of course drinking my wine but didn't feel horribly drunk. Well I didn't have equal amounts of presents for all the kids and apparently I had said this to my husband and he told me to give something to someone else and I didn't. Of course I didn't remember. Well when the kids noticed it and were slightly upset my husband got very upset with me and made several comments about me being drunk all the time and him not being happy with me. I felt like I ruined Christmas. My kids would get over it and moved on quickly but my husband was fed up and my marriage means more to me than alcohol. I had to make a decision. I decided I'd finish the box of wine and I did. Apparently that night I said my ex-husbands name in my sleep! Holy crap! Seriously!? First of all I can't stand that man second of all how awful my husband must have felt. I know I didn't have any control over something I said in my sleep but would I have said it if I hadn't been drinking? I'm done. I have to be. For my family and for my health. Last night was the first night I didn't have a drink. I was so incredibly thirsty. I drank a TON of water and I just wanted to go to bed. I haven't talked to anyone about this other than a good friend who just went to rehab last month for her drinking. I know my husband saw my messages to her because I left them up on the computer and I have plenty of tabs open about alcoholism and this website up. SO I know he had to have read them. He hasn't said anything about it but I think he's relieved to see that I'm doing something about it. Do I talk to him about it or do I just keep doing what I'm doing? How do I tell my good friends that I quit drinking? We (as a family) are supposed to go over to one of their houses for New Years Eve. I think we're going to plan on going over earlier in the day and leave before it gets too late but how do I explain that I'm not going to be drinking? Am I truly an alcoholic? Do I need to announce that to people? I feel like like a failure because I can't just have a couple drinks and leave it. Sorry for the really long intro. I wasn't sure where to put my "story"
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Liz, and thanks for sharing your story. SR is a great place to find info about all the different recovery methods and support 24/7. It's never too late to quit, congrats on making the decision.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Your story sounds familiar to mine. Been drinking since my late teens. My husband rarely drinks, I have kids and 5 pm was the magic time for me to start consuming. You are in the right place. Welcome. SR is a great place with lots of support.
I am 8 days sober. I have only confided in my husband and some close family. They are supportive. I have made it thru holiday events without a drink, but it was hard. Being sober needs to your top priority. Talk to your husband and don't go to the party New Years if you think you will drink.
I am 8 days sober. I have only confided in my husband and some close family. They are supportive. I have made it thru holiday events without a drink, but it was hard. Being sober needs to your top priority. Talk to your husband and don't go to the party New Years if you think you will drink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome, Liz, to SR. This s a great place for support, understanding and encouragement; glad you found us.
I would definitely enlist the support of your husband.
I wouldn't make any pronouncements on your alcoholism just yet. Give that time and think about that for awhile.
A New Year's Eve party is not something I could have done so early on sobriety. Could you and your husband have a romantic evening at home?
Again, welcome, Liz.
I would definitely enlist the support of your husband.
I wouldn't make any pronouncements on your alcoholism just yet. Give that time and think about that for awhile.
A New Year's Eve party is not something I could have done so early on sobriety. Could you and your husband have a romantic evening at home?
Again, welcome, Liz.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Your story sounds familiar. It seemed that the older I grew, the worse alcohol's affects (wine too) were on me. Blackouts were regular. I didn't drink every night, as I usually needed two days to recuperate. I couldn't stop at a few glasses or even a bottle.
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
I've started to blackout on the red wine too over the last couple of months, it's literally been every time now, it doesn't get any better in that department.
You sound like a very nice person and you and your family deserve better than what alcohol offers xxxx
Maybe you could tell everyone you're just taking a health break from alcohol for a while, you don't need to flat out announce alcoholism to everyone if you don't feel comfortable.
Best wishes for you
You sound like a very nice person and you and your family deserve better than what alcohol offers xxxx
Maybe you could tell everyone you're just taking a health break from alcohol for a while, you don't need to flat out announce alcoholism to everyone if you don't feel comfortable.
Best wishes for you
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia 
Your story sounds familiar. It seemed that the older I grew, the worse alcohol's affects (wine too) were on me. Blackouts were regular. I didn't drink every night, as I usually needed two days to recuperate. I couldn't stop at a few glasses or even a bottle.
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Oh, one more thing about your NYE party. You don't need to explain yourself to anybody! If someone offers you a drink, be prepared to ask for a non-alcoholic one (cran and soda or with ginger ale is good!). If they ask why, you don't need to offer any further insight as to your decision not to drink. You could just say you're not in the mood or you don't feel like it. Stay firm and don't feel bothered or pressured to drink OR supply any extended justification for your decision to not drink. There's no need. Be polite but firm... The end. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 40
Hey Liz and Welcome.
You know your husband better than the rest of us, I for one stopped talking about it and just started doing it. It came to the point were I promised my husband so many times that I'd control my drinking that I didn't even believe myself. However if you need that support from him and someone else to hold you accountable for your actions tell him. Do what you need to do to make you feel like you can succeed.
As far as not drinking around friends and family, you'll find many of us telling you it isn't really that big of a deal to anyone else. You don't have to go into, hell for a New Years party you could even tell your friends you over did it a little bit for Christmas and your giving your liver a chance to recover..LoL. Or that you stopped drinking and didn't realize how much better you feel with out it. You'll find it matters to you more then anyone else.
Best Of Luck and Lots Of Support Here!
You know your husband better than the rest of us, I for one stopped talking about it and just started doing it. It came to the point were I promised my husband so many times that I'd control my drinking that I didn't even believe myself. However if you need that support from him and someone else to hold you accountable for your actions tell him. Do what you need to do to make you feel like you can succeed.
As far as not drinking around friends and family, you'll find many of us telling you it isn't really that big of a deal to anyone else. You don't have to go into, hell for a New Years party you could even tell your friends you over did it a little bit for Christmas and your giving your liver a chance to recover..LoL. Or that you stopped drinking and didn't realize how much better you feel with out it. You'll find it matters to you more then anyone else.
Best Of Luck and Lots Of Support Here!
odd fellow
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 45
Hi Liz and welcome.
Reading your story was really helpful to me, because I got a glimpse back at where I was just over a couple of years ago. I wanted to stop. But I couldn't stop. Time and again. Even if I screwed things up with my family and swore up and down that i would stop, I would drink/use again.
It's of course up to each one of use to diagnose whether we are alcoholics or not. But normal people don't fight alcohol. They either drink or they don't. I sure fought it, so I know I'm in the right place.
It's really challenging to be around people, places and things in the beginning too. Because it just takes letting your guard down for one minute.
I hope I'm not out of line by saying this... but I think what you do over the next three days is of paramount importance. Getting yourself firmly rooted in whatever way of recovery you choose is key to building up your defenses for situations like your upcoming new years eve party. Scared feelings fade away fast. And New Year's Eve is awash with "party" feelings.
Anyway... Sending positive vibes your way. We're here for you!
H
Reading your story was really helpful to me, because I got a glimpse back at where I was just over a couple of years ago. I wanted to stop. But I couldn't stop. Time and again. Even if I screwed things up with my family and swore up and down that i would stop, I would drink/use again.
It's of course up to each one of use to diagnose whether we are alcoholics or not. But normal people don't fight alcohol. They either drink or they don't. I sure fought it, so I know I'm in the right place.
It's really challenging to be around people, places and things in the beginning too. Because it just takes letting your guard down for one minute.
I hope I'm not out of line by saying this... but I think what you do over the next three days is of paramount importance. Getting yourself firmly rooted in whatever way of recovery you choose is key to building up your defenses for situations like your upcoming new years eve party. Scared feelings fade away fast. And New Year's Eve is awash with "party" feelings.
Anyway... Sending positive vibes your way. We're here for you!
H
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia
Your story sounds familiar. It seemed that the older I grew, the worse alcohol's affects (wine too) were on me. Blackouts were regular. I didn't drink every night, as I usually needed two days to recuperate. I couldn't stop at a few glasses or even a bottle.
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
By the end (at age 42), I was drinking about two bottles a week three nights a week. The hangovers, shame, anxiety were debilitating the next day. I realized, "Wow, this is NOT normal. People do NOT live like this." As I sifted through my memories, I realized I never had a "normal" relationship with alcohol. As soon as that first sip in high school, I had a problem. I always wanted more. Why drink unless I could get drunk?
I joined this site and read and read and read. Reading others' stories just verified what I knew--my unhealthy relationship with alcohol had to stop. It took awhile but I didn't give up. One day I took a final sip and each day after that I decided not to drink no matter what. It's hard. Especially in the beginning. But it does get easier and you'll be amazed at how strong you actually are.
In sobriety, your health and overall clarity and perspective of life will shift for the better. Levels of stress and anxiety will decrease or at least seem more manageable. Sleep will improve. Skin and hair become healthier. There are no down sides to this decision.
Good luck and check in here often!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 18
Your 'story' sounds familiar to mine. I'm also new to being sober after a number of drunken incidents and most recently a huge argument with my mother. My husband hates the way I drink as I have blackouts and don't remember. It's not often but it's a cycle that keeps reoccurring and despite trying to control it. I had the same questions about my drinking - was I really an alcoholic? I didn't fit the stereotype as I could control my drinking -sometimes. But as the alcohol started affecting my family and children and could get me in trouble legally - it is definitely problematic. Like you, I have realised I had a problem and it needed addressing. You are not alone. Stay positive and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Whether or not you want to use the term alcoholic is really not the issue.
If alcohol is causing problems, the solution is to stop.
If you find you cannot stop easily, then maybe you will come to a different conclusion about yourself. Really, the term "alcoholic" is a personal label, not one others can place on you. Alcoholics don't have that off switch. I don't drink one or two. What's the point in that? I drink for the buzz. Once I start I'm not likely to stop until I am asleep.
I don't define myself as alcoholic to anyone outside an AA meeting or here on this site. There is no need to do so. People who are not alcoholics don't understand it and people who are can spot you from across the room.
If alcohol is causing problems, the solution is to stop.
If you find you cannot stop easily, then maybe you will come to a different conclusion about yourself. Really, the term "alcoholic" is a personal label, not one others can place on you. Alcoholics don't have that off switch. I don't drink one or two. What's the point in that? I drink for the buzz. Once I start I'm not likely to stop until I am asleep.
I don't define myself as alcoholic to anyone outside an AA meeting or here on this site. There is no need to do so. People who are not alcoholics don't understand it and people who are can spot you from across the room.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by LizWM126
The last couple of years my drinking has increased to where I can't control it. Well the last year or so pretty much every night is a blackout. I usually don't remember anything the next morning. I quit for a few days and then started again. There were several other attempts after that. Am I truly an alcoholic? I feel like like a failure because I can't just have a couple drinks and leave it.
Nevertheless, labels are unimportant; successfully removing something from your life that is causing you major problems is what matters...
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