Buggirl

One day at a time, just do this for you! The guy on the bench needs to do something for him and you have no control, but if you feel that upset by it, maybe do some find raising and let something good come out of it?
Just don't beat yourself up on this. It shows you care, but I guess you were looking for something to move you enough to have that first drink and this was it.

Just move on and take small steps! You can do this! I believe in you!

desypete

ask yourself what did you do before you picked up the drink ?

did you ring anyone up ? did you go to a meeting ? or did you do nothing put picked up the drink and think you can simply give up again tomorrow ?

sobritey has to be number 1 and we have to do things to protect it if we dont do them then the risk is drink will soon be in our systems

the danger for me is if i pick up 1 drink i might never be able to stop again so i am not willing to take that risk as i know what it did to me last time

hence i will do whatever it takes before i would pick up a drink rather than pick up a drink and hope i can get away with it

i couldnt of stopped at 3 i would of been smashed out of my brains and who knows where i would end up or what i would of done

its just to risky for me to even think about hence i am always around other alcoholics in aa as it futher protects me and keeps me on the right track

all you can do is learn from it and hopefully be convinced now that the problem is real ?

ArtFriend

You all have wonderful and insightful advice and I very much appreciate it. Still learning the ropes of sobriety. So much more to it than just "not drinking".

Thank you all again!

OklaBH

I absolutely agree but dont let "there is more to it than not drinking" give you an excuse to slip anymore. Every drink puts you so much further into the disease than you realize. I speak from experience. Youve tried it your way and its not working. In your area there is bound to be tons of group meetings you can go to. Post here when you feel triggered, read your old posts... Also telling friends "hey I really dont want to drink anymore, so no thanks, none for me" is perfectly ok.

AcceptingChange

There is a podcast called The Bubble Hour. I'm listening to the episode right now called "Relapse Prevention Tools". You might find this episode useful, as well as the others.

Hereandnow2

Love this thread. I'm also very sensitive. I think many of us alcoholics are not comfortable with our own feelings. They are difficult and unpleasant. That is prob why you drank, you didn't like that feeling. Next time instead of holding it in , talk about it, post on here, write about it, and it will pass. You will have gotten through that sad image. I think it's important to tell most people close to you that you arnt drinking. In early sobriety that is one thing you can control.

PurpleKnight

You can do this Art!! Keep going at it!!

Txdude229

You're strong to admit it. So face today with the same strength.