Clock is ticking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 12
Clock is ticking
Hello everyone,
Hope everyone enjoyed a very merry X-Mas.
I've been a semi functional alcoholic if there is such a thing for around fifteen years. (Still am)
I've looked at ways of curbing my drinking, stopping all together, seeing the doctor, putting money in accounts that take a day to use so I can't impulse buy, cutting back (yeah right), pouring half a bottle out (only to buy more). There is a million methods I've thought of while drinking only to find once the hangover has subsided and my body is rehydrated and fed, I find a million ways to say it's ok.
I drink 2/3 of a bottle (Vodka) most days, blast myself on weekends even with no one around and prepare for hangover Sunday where I really have to force myself not to drink between throwing up and trying to eat/hydrate so I have 24hrs of healing before work.
Healing includes, nausea, weakness, sore muscles, severe anxiety(doors locked, lights out), stomach pangs, fever, twitching, hypnic jerks before sleeping, insomnia, diarrhoea, haemorrhoids, anal bleeding, depression.
By Tuesday the fever is gone along with most symptoms and in my infinite wisdom I begin the cycle again.
I convince myself I must be ok because I'm respected and rewarded at my job however my liver palms and facial spider veins are beginning to make me self conscious despite the fact I've not noticed it for years.
My grubs are growing older now, little girl 8 and little dude 10...They are smart, too smart (never too smart). First in swimming and athletics also.
They are starting to see that at times I'm not me.
I have most likely gone to the point of no return physically however I have set a date (01/01/2015) and I would really like some help! If I could just get online after work and have just a couple of people to chat with for a month or 2 that have no affiliation with my personal environment, I'd greatly appreciate it. 37 btw
I wish everyone a Happy new year.
P.s hungry, crying, emotional and for some stupid reason, I still want a drink.. Festive season is what I'll use to convince myself while quality foods and desserts spoil in the fridge. It's only 1340 local time. Drunk! Another day in bed healing coming up, more filthy stinky sheets to wash etc, what a life.
Kind regards,
Fam0verFever
Hope everyone enjoyed a very merry X-Mas.
I've been a semi functional alcoholic if there is such a thing for around fifteen years. (Still am)
I've looked at ways of curbing my drinking, stopping all together, seeing the doctor, putting money in accounts that take a day to use so I can't impulse buy, cutting back (yeah right), pouring half a bottle out (only to buy more). There is a million methods I've thought of while drinking only to find once the hangover has subsided and my body is rehydrated and fed, I find a million ways to say it's ok.
I drink 2/3 of a bottle (Vodka) most days, blast myself on weekends even with no one around and prepare for hangover Sunday where I really have to force myself not to drink between throwing up and trying to eat/hydrate so I have 24hrs of healing before work.
Healing includes, nausea, weakness, sore muscles, severe anxiety(doors locked, lights out), stomach pangs, fever, twitching, hypnic jerks before sleeping, insomnia, diarrhoea, haemorrhoids, anal bleeding, depression.
By Tuesday the fever is gone along with most symptoms and in my infinite wisdom I begin the cycle again.
I convince myself I must be ok because I'm respected and rewarded at my job however my liver palms and facial spider veins are beginning to make me self conscious despite the fact I've not noticed it for years.
My grubs are growing older now, little girl 8 and little dude 10...They are smart, too smart (never too smart). First in swimming and athletics also.
They are starting to see that at times I'm not me.
I have most likely gone to the point of no return physically however I have set a date (01/01/2015) and I would really like some help! If I could just get online after work and have just a couple of people to chat with for a month or 2 that have no affiliation with my personal environment, I'd greatly appreciate it. 37 btw
I wish everyone a Happy new year.
P.s hungry, crying, emotional and for some stupid reason, I still want a drink.. Festive season is what I'll use to convince myself while quality foods and desserts spoil in the fridge. It's only 1340 local time. Drunk! Another day in bed healing coming up, more filthy stinky sheets to wash etc, what a life.
Kind regards,
Fam0verFever
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 250
Hi Fam0verFever,
Nice to meet you and welcome to SR :=] There's lots of help here, so I think you've found a good place.
I'm no expert, I've only really been doing sobriety for 6 months and fell off the wagon big time a few weeks ago. But one thing does spring to mind- it does get better :=] It's really easy to see sobriety as a total grind. It's totally not like that- there is a definite point where things start to improve and there is also a point where things are suddenly much much better than when you were drinking/ using.
I'd really strongly suggest that you talk to your doctor, too. Going cold turkey can be dangerous. It's also possible your doctor may have some more information as to what's available for you locally in terms of support. Take care.
Nice to meet you and welcome to SR :=] There's lots of help here, so I think you've found a good place.
I'm no expert, I've only really been doing sobriety for 6 months and fell off the wagon big time a few weeks ago. But one thing does spring to mind- it does get better :=] It's really easy to see sobriety as a total grind. It's totally not like that- there is a definite point where things start to improve and there is also a point where things are suddenly much much better than when you were drinking/ using.
I'd really strongly suggest that you talk to your doctor, too. Going cold turkey can be dangerous. It's also possible your doctor may have some more information as to what's available for you locally in terms of support. Take care.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome to SR Fam0verFever 
yeah, it's not easy to change a life...but it's not easy to try and accommodate drinking either.
Sr really help me turn my life around - and reading my own posts, and other peoples, really helped when I was trying to convince myself there wasn't a problem.
I suggest you don't wait tho...it's not going to be any easier to quit 1/1...it maybe significantly harder to quit then, especially if you write yourself off on NYE, and the craving for a 'hair of the dog' comes calling...
I know it's scary, but don't wait to change your life - you're simply accommodating your addiction.
D
yeah, it's not easy to change a life...but it's not easy to try and accommodate drinking either.
Sr really help me turn my life around - and reading my own posts, and other peoples, really helped when I was trying to convince myself there wasn't a problem.
I suggest you don't wait tho...it's not going to be any easier to quit 1/1...it maybe significantly harder to quit then, especially if you write yourself off on NYE, and the craving for a 'hair of the dog' comes calling...
I know it's scary, but don't wait to change your life - you're simply accommodating your addiction.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Hi, if you read back through my history you will see I am almost identical to you. Right down to the two young but growing up kids. I suggest the following:
1) don't wait until January 1, stop now. Why drink a few extra days? It doesn't make logical sense so this is your addiction talking
2) make a detailed plan. I got all the research I could on this topic in this site and wrote mine. You can see it in my blog as an example. This was a really important help to get my thoughts straight
3) decide who are you going to tell and who will help you
4) research and seriously consider both AA and AVRT
5) read through this site as often as you can and as deeply as you can. It is a great source of information and you need as much help as you can get
Get a medical check up ASAP. Physically it may not be too late. Your addictive voice is strong so for God sake stop letting it control and destroy your life. Good luck.
1) don't wait until January 1, stop now. Why drink a few extra days? It doesn't make logical sense so this is your addiction talking
2) make a detailed plan. I got all the research I could on this topic in this site and wrote mine. You can see it in my blog as an example. This was a really important help to get my thoughts straight
3) decide who are you going to tell and who will help you
4) research and seriously consider both AA and AVRT
5) read through this site as often as you can and as deeply as you can. It is a great source of information and you need as much help as you can get
Get a medical check up ASAP. Physically it may not be too late. Your addictive voice is strong so for God sake stop letting it control and destroy your life. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 12
Last FEVER
Plan was to drink and listen to memory sad songs while drinking and dropping a few tears tonight (no grubs to care for).. As always, recover through the sleepless fever for a day, have a restless night while hydrating and then grab a ham and cheese croissant that will take an hour to eat tomorrow.
In 36hrs I should be back on my game and hydrated even though I spent a whole ******* day in bed with a laptop on my chest because I was weak as **** and massively dehydrated.
Food/water slowly kicks in, body starts to move, shakes and anxiety subside, strength is back as is humour. Motivation kicks in and it's time to clean the fish tank, mow the lawn, do the dishes, wash the car, do the laundry and when it's all done... Look back and enjoy my fine work and pour a drink until I see the bottom of an Eristoff. And the cycle begins again.
I'm stopping tonight!
Only said it 27 times before. As of the 28th DEC 2014, I become ME again.
Nothing stops me this time!!
Kind regards,
Fam0verFever.
In 36hrs I should be back on my game and hydrated even though I spent a whole ******* day in bed with a laptop on my chest because I was weak as **** and massively dehydrated.
Food/water slowly kicks in, body starts to move, shakes and anxiety subside, strength is back as is humour. Motivation kicks in and it's time to clean the fish tank, mow the lawn, do the dishes, wash the car, do the laundry and when it's all done... Look back and enjoy my fine work and pour a drink until I see the bottom of an Eristoff. And the cycle begins again.
I'm stopping tonight!
Only said it 27 times before. As of the 28th DEC 2014, I become ME again.
Nothing stops me this time!!
Kind regards,
Fam0verFever.
Last edited by Dee74; 12-27-2014 at 06:11 AM.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Welcome to the site, Fam0verFever. You can stop this cycle now. Stay here through the first days of your recovery and the days and months that will follow. Read a lot and post a lot, it will help you sort this out. Your children understand a lot and they deserve a present parent. My kids were my main motivation to finally break this wicked cycle too.
We're here for you.
We're here for you.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
don't ever give up .
there are lots of things to try , sometimes we need the help of a Dr or GP when coming off it due to our bodies reactions .
Stopping drinking was one part of my problem , dealing with life sober also required some work .
Take care , m
there are lots of things to try , sometimes we need the help of a Dr or GP when coming off it due to our bodies reactions .
Stopping drinking was one part of my problem , dealing with life sober also required some work .
Take care , m
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by ubntubnt 
Hi, if you read back through my history you will see I am almost identical to you. Right down to the two young but growing up kids. I suggest the following:
1) don't wait until January 1, stop now. Why drink a few extra days? It doesn't make logical sense so this is your addiction talking
2) make a detailed plan. I got all the research I could on this topic in this site and wrote mine. You can see it in my blog as an example. This was a really important help to get my thoughts straight
3) decide who are you going to tell and who will help you
4) research and seriously consider both AA and AVRT
5) read through this site as often as you can and as deeply as you can. It is a great source of information and you need as much help as you can get
Get a medical check up ASAP. Physically it may not be too late. Your addictive voice is strong so for God sake stop letting it control and destroy your life. Good luck.
1) don't wait until January 1, stop now. Why drink a few extra days? It doesn't make logical sense so this is your addiction talking
2) make a detailed plan. I got all the research I could on this topic in this site and wrote mine. You can see it in my blog as an example. This was a really important help to get my thoughts straight
3) decide who are you going to tell and who will help you
4) research and seriously consider both AA and AVRT
5) read through this site as often as you can and as deeply as you can. It is a great source of information and you need as much help as you can get
Get a medical check up ASAP. Physically it may not be too late. Your addictive voice is strong so for God sake stop letting it control and destroy your life. Good luck.
Welcome, Famoverfever
I agree with all of the above ^^^^^
Glad to have you onboard !
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome to SR Fam0verFever
yeah, it's not easy to change a life...but it's not easy to try and accommodate drinking either.
Sr really help me turn my life around - and reading my own posts, and other peoples, really helped when I was trying to convince myself there wasn't a problem.
I suggest you don't wait tho...it's not going to be any easier to quit 1/1...it maybe significantly harder to quit then, especially if you write yourself off on NYE, and the craving for a 'hair of the dog' comes calling...
I know it's scary, but don't wait to change your life - you're simply accommodating your addiction.
D
yeah, it's not easy to change a life...but it's not easy to try and accommodate drinking either.
Sr really help me turn my life around - and reading my own posts, and other peoples, really helped when I was trying to convince myself there wasn't a problem.
I suggest you don't wait tho...it's not going to be any easier to quit 1/1...it maybe significantly harder to quit then, especially if you write yourself off on NYE, and the craving for a 'hair of the dog' comes calling...
I know it's scary, but don't wait to change your life - you're simply accommodating your addiction.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Good decision, famoverfever. Make today the day that you start making terrific changes in your life. You can do this.its not easy, but it is possible and so worth it. If you are concerned about your health, you should consult with a dr.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Newcastle, NSW
Posts: 12
Day 1
Heed the sticky warning. There are definitely predators on this site. I feel like shite however I've felt worse in the morning, it's 0615 atm. last night however during my stupor I managed to be contacted by someone offering assistance, she acted like a psych to begin with and then it all became a bit childish when the second person joined in. Despite being overwhelmingly drunk she insisted she was here to help and stated she was camping at Barrington tops!
?? Alarm bells! I asked what trail she used to get there as I've taken my grubs there several times, Note: it's a beat up dirt road up a mountain that most don't take.. What do you mean she says. I said did you take the normal route or go up thunderbolts way? Never heard of thunderbolts way she says. All falls apart after that and apparently a guy comes in and there scared and need help/money fast. Told them to get F$cked and have a nice day.
How on earth I managed to get embroiled in that shite from this site has got me beat. It happens people. READ the sticky.
BTW, Thunderbolts way is the main track up the mountain, cant miss it.
Once this ice water is done, the sun bears down and I see myself in the mirror.. The final onslaught begins.
I'm scared in a way, how on earth do I protect my children when I allow myself to be caught out on a site in which I believed there was full anonymity. F@cking predators! As if life isn't hard enough already.
I think it was a link to speak with a professional consultant??
What a douche yet again. is it paranoia when there are people who ARE in fact out to get you when vulnerable?
Confused, anxious, paranoid, depressed.. Nearly time for some spewing followed by fever I'd say.. Day 1, hope someone is listening.
?? Alarm bells! I asked what trail she used to get there as I've taken my grubs there several times, Note: it's a beat up dirt road up a mountain that most don't take.. What do you mean she says. I said did you take the normal route or go up thunderbolts way? Never heard of thunderbolts way she says. All falls apart after that and apparently a guy comes in and there scared and need help/money fast. Told them to get F$cked and have a nice day.
How on earth I managed to get embroiled in that shite from this site has got me beat. It happens people. READ the sticky.
BTW, Thunderbolts way is the main track up the mountain, cant miss it.
Once this ice water is done, the sun bears down and I see myself in the mirror.. The final onslaught begins.
I'm scared in a way, how on earth do I protect my children when I allow myself to be caught out on a site in which I believed there was full anonymity. F@cking predators! As if life isn't hard enough already.
I think it was a link to speak with a professional consultant??
What a douche yet again. is it paranoia when there are people who ARE in fact out to get you when vulnerable?
Confused, anxious, paranoid, depressed.. Nearly time for some spewing followed by fever I'd say.. Day 1, hope someone is listening.
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