Christmas for me!
 

I grew up in a half Mormonistic half atheist family. Mom had many beliefs and had a penchant for God. Dad didn't believe in anything. I don't believe in a God but do believe their our powers I had not control over.

This provided quite dichotomy, where religion and atheism meshed, but it provide quiet the incite of the thinking of both tribes. However, in some strange way, both ideologies existed in the most blissful union.

As an alcoholic, I try to meld those views together, I try and seek faith, acceptance, and an empirical view in the unknown helping me and trusting that a power ' greater than I' can most certainly help me.

I contrast that view with thinking that, there is no (G) god exist. I look for pragmatic scientifically proven theories and study substantiated studies.. I look for answers that aren't religious, but aren't necessarily nonspiritual.

Confused am I, but beyond that recovery is so much individualistic and personal experience.... Yet without seeking outside help and advice, hard to achieve sobriety.

Funny how our personal views and beliefs directly effect both our use substances, and recovery. Yet, no matter what we believe, we need to head the same direction in recovery on some level regardless.

With that, I go forward searching for both religious and nonreligious answers. If I really knew what to believe, I am supposing my alcoholism and chronic addiction would be solved or I would have some path.

Merry Christmas to all! My thoughts on this holiday...

Merry Christmas and best wishes for health and happiness!

Merry Christmas, Jeremy!

So many of us here care about you. I, and many others, hope that you will choose the path that will give you some peace. The path is right in front of you and I know you know that. You're just scared to start that trek.

You deserve a more peaceful and uncomplicated life. You can have that, Jeremy, but you need to take that first step. Please, take that step and go inpatient. As much as you dread it now, you will feel that much more relief once you let someone help you.

Merry Christmas Jeremy. I hope 2015 will be the year you decide to take action for yourself man, make some changes, and get some help :)

D

Merry Christmas and best wishes for a sober New Year, J x

Merry Christmas Jeremy.

When I was a kid, I was on vacation at a place with a huge waterslide. I wanted to go down it, but I was afraid. I hemmed and hawed about it for what seemed like hours. One of my friends convinced me just to sit down at the top of the slide. Then he pushed me down! That first fraction of a second I was angry at being tricked, but I soon forgot about that, because that waterslide was so fun and exciting. Quite frankly, I was grateful to my friend for doing what he did, and I felt a little foolish that, left to my own devices, I would have robbed myself of such an experience. I must have gone down that slide thirty more times that day, and I didn't need anyone to push me.

Go to inpatient, Jeremy. In your mind you've created it into something a lot scarier than it actually is. The reality is, it will give you exactly what you need. You come on here and wax philosophical about religion or mental illness or other topics, but you are still stuck at the top of your mental waterslide, I don't know, trying to rationalize something that isn't rational. The more you equivocate on this issue, the more you're psyching yourself out.

Give yourself and your family the best Christmas gift ever. Go to inpatient. Prayers for you and them.

A man was trapped in his house during a flood. He began praying to God to rescue him. He had a vision in his head of God’s hand reaching down from heaven and lifting him to safety. The water started to rise in his house. His neighbour urged him to leave and offered him a ride to safety. The man yelled back, “I am waiting for God to save me.” The neighbour drove off in his pick-up truck.



The man continued to pray and hold on to his vision. As the water began rising in his house, he had to climb up to the roof. A boat came by with some people heading for safe ground. They yelled at the man to grab a rope they were ready to throw and take him to safety. He told them that he was waiting for God to save him. They shook their heads and moved on.

The man continued to pray, believing with all his heart that he would be saved by God. The flood waters continued to rise. A helicopter flew by and a voice came over a loudspeaker offering to lower a ladder and take him off the roof. The man waved the helicopter away, shouting back that he was waiting for God to save him. The helicopter left. The flooding water came over the roof and caught him up and swept him away. He drowned.

When he reached heaven and asked, “God, why did you not save me? I believed in you with all my heart. Why did you let me drown?” God replied, “I sent you a pick-up truck, a boat and a helicopter and you refused all of them. What else could I possibly do for you?”

Peaceful holidays to you

I too hope 2015 is the year you take action for yourself, make changes and seek help

Hi Jeremy. I too, hope that 2015 will bring some substantial changes to you.

Maybe the other way around? If you solved your addiction and other problems without thinking much why, you would be able to seek/find answers to those other questions far more efficiently, with a clearer mind and heart? I like Tomsteve's anecdote here. Hop on that truck, boat, or helicopter and then you will be able to investigate the theoretical questions you are interested in with less resentments and desperation clouding the process.

I've been interested in exploring all sorts of complex problems about life as long as I remember... but oh my did it become skewed when I was drinking heavily! Of course I could not truly see how skewed it was until I got some sober time under my belt and committed to accept turning my focus on good old reality instead of my booze-soaked fantasy world.

You only need to make a relatively simple step to start this process. Grab that rope, Jeremy!

Merry Christmas Jeremy!! :)

I was sorry to read that you're once again taking on another distracting and temporarily all-encompassing intellectual pursuit instead of taking action in the service of your well-being. Contemplating the meaning of life, figuring out why the world works the way it does, and rattling around the God question is not treatment. It's a well-worn diversion for you and only forestalls what seems to have become an inevitable crash for you.

If I really knew what to believe, I am supposing my alcoholism and chronic addiction would be solved

that's a very convenient thing to believe. keeps the door wide open to continued drinking. can't solve my alcoholism (which i take to mean 'can't stop drinking and be okay'; please correct me if that's not it. ) unless and until i know what to believe.

Jeremy,

addiction and alcoholism don't get 'solved' by what you believe.
putting a belief into action has better results. and you'll find here that beliefs can be quite different yet people can find ways to 'solve' their alcoholism and addiction.
the first step is not drinking. regardless of belief.

and if that proves not to be sustainable by itself, then more or different "belkief" won't make it work.

what are you actually going to DO?

Alcoholism has ate at ever fiber of my being. I drink and drink, the world gets better the voices that consume me become my friends. Living sober again, riding the proverbial bandwagon again.

You know, its such a confusing reality, I wish could tell people and really relay how this eats people up. I am talking mental illness, attempting to stay med compliant. My reality is blurred, I live on many planes, we all do. Scary, think about it, whats sreality, how do you know you exist, other than the fact that you think you are real. Reality is a very tentative thing. It only exist, if you believe it exist. We can exist multiple places at once.

So I made the call today, I called Bristlecone again, and asked for evaluation. CPS will pay for it Services - Bristlecone Family Resources going to see what a professional think and follow their guidance.

I am wiling to submit now, and see what the experts think. Taking my medication daily, it brings me back to 'reality' but as for that goes. I don't think anything is real, its fleeting and only exist if you want to believe it.... Otherwise, do you really know you're you? I know you think that you're you, but really where are you? Tell me your orgins, tell me how and why you exist other than your own comprehension of what you think you are.

Have a blessed season all and well wishes. Going to do this evaluation and see what happens.

Cogito ergo sum, some people say.

In almost all ways it's amazing that you exist. That anyone or anything does -- especially at a given time. It's highly unlikely. But, if you're thinking about it, you probably do.

Cherish this time. It seems you are someone who should do so.

Good luck, man.

My philosophical existence pales in comparison to what I will do with my existence experience. I can change my realty with one thought, then act accordingly to those changes. I can reinvent myself so I can have a pleasant existence.

But after the philosophy of all things ends, I do end up with myself and my current circumstances unchanged. If I want change, action is the only recourse. Thinking my way into a new behavior never worked. Entertaining yes, protective no.

jeremy ,
mum is paranoid schizophrenic and has had periods of 6 months sober … she doesn't believe in anything much god wise … she manages to take her pills regularly .. she still gets the voices ..

you can do it too , there are no prerequisites to getting sober other than to stop drinking .. drink doesn't help her sort out her mind , head or thinking , i doubt it will help you .

Take care , m

glad to hear you made the call.
and all your questions, about what's what, what's real, who "you/self" are/is...i get it. i ask them. and i asked them drunkenly, too.
none of them helped me to stop drinking and stay stopped.
only stopping drinking and doing other stuff helped me to do that.