SoberComposer

Hi SR,

So my Dad just came in and I spent all of 10 minutes with him before I had to leave. I walked in with a great mood and he ask's me a question about my computer and I begin explaining. He is cooking and then nearly walks over me to get to the sink while cutting me off. He obviously didn't care about the answer to his question and was just trying to be, i guess, polite by showing a sign of interest without any real curiosity. It was never a problem in the past because I was so hungover or high that I just didn't care. He is a very unhappy person. So I am going to get away from this and spent most of my time alone so I don't say the truth to him. I have done that before and it really messes up Christmas. I'm just going to stand back and find a quiet space until this passes. I have to remember his negativity is not mine and I refuse to bring it into my head.

Ahh the last thing I wanted to do was post something negative myself on Christmas but I had to vent, instead of directly at him.

I hope everyone is having a great time

-SR

TorontoGuy28

Ah yes - family @ Christmas.

My father is toxic, pretty sure he is a sociopath.

I chose not to interact with him at all, tolerate - but do not engage.

Need to do what's best for ME, as sobriety can be fragile around this time of the year.

View him as a sick person, that's all... Not worth my time, nor health - his verbal abuse went on for way too long.

All the best !!

Happy 2015 !

PurpleKnight

I always find talking to family/relatives can sometimes be very shallow, chit chat that no one really wants to know anything, questions are asked just to create some conversation in the silence.

Hang in there, some people I just have to smile and nod with to keep the peace at Xmas, and other interactions are more meaningful.

Just have to ride it out sometimes!!

Soberwolf

Glad your here sobercomposer

herradura

Sober composer,

You are not alone! Someone tapped a keg of negativity here at my house this morning. I told them to be nice and positive or get the hell out of my house. I know it is Christmas, but I too deserve a day a year with my extended family where we can be happy, positive, and shut down the toxic environment. Round two is coming up, but they all stayed so I think I am winning the war.

Have a Merry Christmas, and you are not responsible for how you Father acts. Just go up to him and give him a big hug and wish him a Merry Christmas, it can do wonders!!

Anna

SC, you are doing the right thing by staying true to yourself. If you don't want to be there, then move on and enjoy the rest of your day.

SoberComposer

This is weird.. I didn't react to his attitude like I usually do and instead chose to leave the room and find a quiet place. In the past, me reacting would have given him fuel to consider me over-reactive and childish. But another family member came to me and said that he thought I was upset with him. So I walked in there and talked to him about it, even though he was so freaking uncomfortable. There was no apology of course but I could see that he was sorry.

I love being sober. Did I just teach him about his own behavior? So wild . He is a hard man to be around though because he may not know much about what he is talking about but he things he is an expert. Most times not finding any value in listening to others.

My main concern is that when he passes I don't want to feel bad. Maybe with the time remaining I may have good thoughts about him, afterward. It will take a lot more of these interactions and I don't look forward to it but hey.. who knows.

Thanks to everyone for your support.

Kero

Some people just feel compelled to stir up silly drama over every little thing. My family does the same thing. It is like they are bored and want to stir up pointless conflict.

Not much you can do but walk away and ignore it. We recovering alcoholics have real problems. I have no time for people who invent "drama". There comes a time when you just need to worry about #1 first.

Tonks

Can relate. My dad's pretty toxic as well. Even his dog walks on eggshells around him. Sad.

Merry Christmas SC

red3215

Your Dad sounds just like mine. Why do u think there's so many comedy movies about people dealing with crazy family on Christmas? No one chooses their family, just our friends. Right now I'm trying to enjoy a cartoon with my nephew and my dad is criticizing everything about it, negative as always, and zapping away the good mood I'm in. Leaving is a good idea when someone brings you down, family or not.

SoberComposer

Well, it went pretty well after all. After the conflict this morning he became much less critical. This is definitely new but I also think my new ability to let things go easier helped to relieve tensions. I have a lot of built-up resentment towards him for never being there for me as a kid, so when he starts his criticizing and general dickery it's hard to not want to tell him to shut up.

One of the reasons why I wanted to get sober is to stop this destructive cycle. I am my late 30s and have no children but if I ever had one I would want to be a great father. It would be great to guide and prepare them for life instead of making them learn from bad mistakes, like I had to do.

Thanks for your support everyone and I hope your day went, or is going, very well. I think I may take a nap now