I Had 1 beer, have I relapsed and start counting agai?
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
I was sober once for 7 years and relapsed. I can honestly say that losing that time was the least of my worries. Counting days early in sobriety was important to me, but eventually the number of days becomes less important than the quality of those days. I've always said "to thine own self be true" when this topic comes up. If not resetting my sobriety time after a minor slip consumed any space in my head I would go ahead and reset the date for peace of mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Since today is Christmas... Does it matter exactly how many years / days ago Christ was born? I tend to see sobriety in a similar way. What's important is to be sober today and celebrate.
It's good to know how much time we have under our belt, obsessing over it not so good. It can become, if we let it, ammo for the AV. I did 2 months, I can celebrate and have one beer for example. I commit every morning.
It's good to know how much time we have under our belt, obsessing over it not so good. It can become, if we let it, ammo for the AV. I did 2 months, I can celebrate and have one beer for example. I commit every morning.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 425
Sydneyman,
Thank you for the thread and your honesty. You asked a question that has been floating around in my head about counting days, and I think there were a lot of good replies.
Personally, I started out with the idea that I would NOT count; but that didn’t work out.
I do count; I actually have an app for that called “Days Since”, because I’m a total geek. Today is day 44. The app is nice, because I don’t have to consciously do the math, and often I couldn’t tell you the number of days without checking the app first. But I do look at the app when I’m feeling tempted. It’s a kind of touchstone for me right now. And I do have a feeling that If I were to slip, I would feel like I had to reset the date. And I hate the idea of having to go into that app and change the date from November 11, 2014 to today. So, I guess it’s a kind of Jedi mind trick that seems to be helping me stay on track (so far).
Having said all that, although it’s helpful currently for me to count, further down the road it might not be so helpful. And at some point in future, I may very well ditch the app and stop counting entirely. And that’s where I really like what Dee said. To paraphrase a bit: The number of days is not the prize, it’s what we do with those days that matters.
However you decide to count (or not), congratulations on your sobriety and on stepping away after one beer. THAT is a huge accomplishment anyway you look at it.
Thank you for the thread and your honesty. You asked a question that has been floating around in my head about counting days, and I think there were a lot of good replies.
Personally, I started out with the idea that I would NOT count; but that didn’t work out.
I do count; I actually have an app for that called “Days Since”, because I’m a total geek. Today is day 44. The app is nice, because I don’t have to consciously do the math, and often I couldn’t tell you the number of days without checking the app first. But I do look at the app when I’m feeling tempted. It’s a kind of touchstone for me right now. And I do have a feeling that If I were to slip, I would feel like I had to reset the date. And I hate the idea of having to go into that app and change the date from November 11, 2014 to today. So, I guess it’s a kind of Jedi mind trick that seems to be helping me stay on track (so far).Having said all that, although it’s helpful currently for me to count, further down the road it might not be so helpful. And at some point in future, I may very well ditch the app and stop counting entirely. And that’s where I really like what Dee said. To paraphrase a bit: The number of days is not the prize, it’s what we do with those days that matters.
However you decide to count (or not), congratulations on your sobriety and on stepping away after one beer. THAT is a huge accomplishment anyway you look at it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Having one beer is not a relapse. Drinking one beer is drinking one beer.
You recognized it for what it is. You are sober now and that's what counts. Move forward and use this experience as a way to prevent it in the future.
You recognized it for what it is. You are sober now and that's what counts. Move forward and use this experience as a way to prevent it in the future.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Sydneyman, one of the things I had to do when I had to start over, is remind myself of the progress I had made. If you can put down that you had 30/31 days sober for December, that is still super awesome. Thinking this way helped me move forward since I wanted the highest ratio possible.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
For me, I counted days since my last drink. If I have a drink after that, well then logically I start the counting again. Some people are not counters, so to each his own. (I also don't count days anymore, I count years as it is easier).
For me, a physical relapse (taking a drink or drug or engaging in my other addictive behaviors) is a clear sign that I "relapsed" spiritually and mentally long before. EVERY SINGLE time, I was able to go back (during what I call a "relapse autopsy") and see exactly what was going on in my world and mind before taking the drink. I NEEDED to see how my wiring and thinking led to the behavior or I was never going to permanently change my behavior.
I would not focus on what happened, I would focus on WHY it happened...and WHAT led up to it. I think MOST people underestimate addiction. It wants to kill us. I would use EVERY opportunity to overcome it, regardless of what you call drinking one beer.
Glad you are here.
For me, a physical relapse (taking a drink or drug or engaging in my other addictive behaviors) is a clear sign that I "relapsed" spiritually and mentally long before. EVERY SINGLE time, I was able to go back (during what I call a "relapse autopsy") and see exactly what was going on in my world and mind before taking the drink. I NEEDED to see how my wiring and thinking led to the behavior or I was never going to permanently change my behavior.
I would not focus on what happened, I would focus on WHY it happened...and WHAT led up to it. I think MOST people underestimate addiction. It wants to kill us. I would use EVERY opportunity to overcome it, regardless of what you call drinking one beer.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
You had 1 beer, not something you really wanted to do, but you did.
this is such an interesting point, though.
the drinking when it's seen as something we don't really want to do.
something else i find interesting is that it seems we can get comfort from the fact that we didn't LIKE the drink we did have....as if it somehow were different if we HAD liked it. as if the danger were in liking it/not liking it.
it served me better to seriously look at the fact that i returned to drinking, the fact that i didn't want that to mean that i had actually drank again, and the fact that i was now telling myself it wasn't really all that important, especially since i hadn't enjoyed it.
this is such an interesting point, though.
the drinking when it's seen as something we don't really want to do.
something else i find interesting is that it seems we can get comfort from the fact that we didn't LIKE the drink we did have....as if it somehow were different if we HAD liked it. as if the danger were in liking it/not liking it.
it served me better to seriously look at the fact that i returned to drinking, the fact that i didn't want that to mean that i had actually drank again, and the fact that i was now telling myself it wasn't really all that important, especially since i hadn't enjoyed it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Having one beer is not a relapse. Drinking one beer is drinking one beer.
is there a certain quantity it would need to be before it is a relapse?
drinking one beer is drinking one beer . for those people who don't need to think about whether drinking one beer is just drinking one beer.
drinking one beer would be something entirely different for me.
is there a certain quantity it would need to be before it is a relapse?
drinking one beer is drinking one beer . for those people who don't need to think about whether drinking one beer is just drinking one beer.
drinking one beer would be something entirely different for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Of course this is my narrow opinion. Someone in very early sobriety who is still struggling has a beer. It is a slip in my book. They realized the err in their ways, put it behind them and continue through their journey to attain sobriety.
For someone with some sober time to pick up a drink - and continue to drink is only MY definition of a relapse. Semantics or whatever. If you get out of the pool and are not yet finished drying off... To me a relapse means going full tilt drinking again. But that's just me. Anyway, it's Christmas. Let's not put too much emphasis on it. Someone made a mistake in their mind. They corrected it and moved forward - that is the important thing after all, isn't it?
For someone with some sober time to pick up a drink - and continue to drink is only MY definition of a relapse. Semantics or whatever. If you get out of the pool and are not yet finished drying off... To me a relapse means going full tilt drinking again. But that's just me. Anyway, it's Christmas. Let's not put too much emphasis on it. Someone made a mistake in their mind. They corrected it and moved forward - that is the important thing after all, isn't it?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Whether it is a slip, a lapse..a relapse...it's all semantics..and quite honestly splitting hairs. Why the importance on defining someone else's experience by OUR own personal definition? I think we should allow the OP to definite it in whatever way that encourages his continuing sobriety.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Once you get practised in art of remaining sober, once you start making your sober quality of life better than the drunk one , once you are over a year sober you won't worry about the tally of days as much …. Thats how it is with me today .
Keep on , persevere , you'll get there if you want it enough . m
Keep on , persevere , you'll get there if you want it enough . m
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Whether it is a slip, a lapse..a relapse...it's all semantics..and quite honestly splitting hairs. Why the importance on defining someone else's experience by OUR own personal definition? I think we should allow the OP to definite it in whatever way that encourages his continuing sobriety.
sure. of course people get to define what their experience means/signifies to them.
my experience is that defining a return to drinking (let's stay with that fact that drinking was done) in a way that concentrates on the minimal amount, or on the dislike, or on the new resolve, or on the shrug of it-was-a-mistake increased vastly the amounts and frequency of mistakes i made.
the only thing that eventually allowed me to quit and stay quit without having further drinks that i didn't like but had despite not wanting them was the fact, the FACT, that i had drinks i didn't want and drank when i had decided not to and drank again when i didn't even like it and drank again no matter what.
seeing that that's what i was doing, over and over, that that's how it really was, is where i could turn around.
not trying to "beat" anyone up.
sure. of course people get to define what their experience means/signifies to them.
my experience is that defining a return to drinking (let's stay with that fact that drinking was done) in a way that concentrates on the minimal amount, or on the dislike, or on the new resolve, or on the shrug of it-was-a-mistake increased vastly the amounts and frequency of mistakes i made.
the only thing that eventually allowed me to quit and stay quit without having further drinks that i didn't like but had despite not wanting them was the fact, the FACT, that i had drinks i didn't want and drank when i had decided not to and drank again when i didn't even like it and drank again no matter what.
seeing that that's what i was doing, over and over, that that's how it really was, is where i could turn around.
not trying to "beat" anyone up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,418
Sydney-
Be vigilant now. In the past, it was that one "yucky" drink for me that "strengthened" my resolve one day but the next became- "hey, look at that. I only had one. I'm fixed now!" and after a while, I was right back in the hole.
Don't take it lightly that you drank. I wish I hadn't- I could be years sober now.
Be vigilant now. In the past, it was that one "yucky" drink for me that "strengthened" my resolve one day but the next became- "hey, look at that. I only had one. I'm fixed now!" and after a while, I was right back in the hole.
Don't take it lightly that you drank. I wish I hadn't- I could be years sober now.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by fini 
[COLOR="Blue"]Wthat eventually allowed me to quit and stay quit without having further drinks that i didn't like but had despite not wanting them was the fact, the FACT, that i had drinks i didn't want and drank when i had decided not to and drank again when i didn't even like it and drank again no matter what.
Truth be told, perhaps it is I the one hooked on semantics. Lapse and relapse are two different words and I've just noticed much debate round here about what word someone uses to define their personal experience. I even recall a post where one poster actually named another poster to qualify a debate on the topic..as in "so and so" defines any deviation from sobriety as a relapse.
One shouldn't minimize any deviation from sobriety or fool themselves that it wasn't a pretty serious event. I apologize.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Posts: 712
I did 32 days and then drank whilst on holiday in September, after one beer when I started the holiday, I went a day and then continued drinking as I 'normally' did for a month. I then went to AA with a hangover and haven't drank since!
I had chapter 3 of the big book read to me that night at AA and it really resonated with me! So much that I have a little big book that I carry in my bag with me and read it Xmas Eve. This reminded me of why I don't choose to drink and has kept me motivated this Xmas.
Be true and start a fresh with one day at a time. Stay sober just for today.
X
I had chapter 3 of the big book read to me that night at AA and it really resonated with me! So much that I have a little big book that I carry in my bag with me and read it Xmas Eve. This reminded me of why I don't choose to drink and has kept me motivated this Xmas.
Be true and start a fresh with one day at a time. Stay sober just for today.
X
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Nuudawn
Whether it is a slip, a lapse..a relapse...it's all semantics..and quite honestly splitting hairs. Why the importance on defining someone else's experience by OUR own personal definition? I think we should allow the OP to definite it in whatever way that encourages his continuing sobriety.
If I may say, you seemed to minimise..."it was warm", "took ages to drink" etc. and I felt the same when I 'slipped'....I was very adamant it was a blip. And addressed nothing, not the why....just that I'm must have wanted to try it again.
And THAT was the dangerous bit. Much more than the one drink.....was the not taking the time to understand why, and minimising it. That was the dangerous part.
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