My heart is breaking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
My heart is breaking.
I am so angry with myself that I feel like my heart is breaking. I drank last night and said cruel things to my husband. This is not the first time. I am a monster when I drink and he has had to deal with my behavior for years. The only solution is to get sober and stay sober. I try and can even do well for a few days or weeks then it's right back to getting drunk and mean. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I don't like AA and I never felt connected to it. I sort of feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I am so lonely and so sorry and I want to fix this. How?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Coming to SR is a great start. Read around. You'll see that people have gotten and remained sober using a variety of methods. Maybe you'll learn what will work for you.
I will say this...the decision to quit is a major one, the first step in the recovery journey. But the decision alone is rarely enough, not for the alcoholic, to keep us quit. So you will need help, be it SR, therapy, addiction counseling, Rational Recovery, or maybe even AA. Nothing like a true commitment to sobriety to make you reconsider what you did or didn't do with your opportunity last time.
I will say this...the decision to quit is a major one, the first step in the recovery journey. But the decision alone is rarely enough, not for the alcoholic, to keep us quit. So you will need help, be it SR, therapy, addiction counseling, Rational Recovery, or maybe even AA. Nothing like a true commitment to sobriety to make you reconsider what you did or didn't do with your opportunity last time.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome TTA.
Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.
Have you been to AA? Is that how you know you don't like it?
Lots of us have become sober without AA, so there are other ways. When you were sober for a few weeks previously, what was working for you for those few weeks? Why did it ultimately stop working?
Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.
Have you been to AA? Is that how you know you don't like it?
Lots of us have become sober without AA, so there are other ways. When you were sober for a few weeks previously, what was working for you for those few weeks? Why did it ultimately stop working?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,867
Welcome, TTA, to SR. Congratulations on your desire to achieve sobriety.
There is lots of wisdom in the replies you have already received from doggonecarl and Nonsensical.
You will fit in just fine here at SR.
There is lots of wisdom in the replies you have already received from doggonecarl and Nonsensical.
You will fit in just fine here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,001
Welcome try try. We all change when we drink. Remember that. Im the nicest most rational guy out there. But ive done and said things when drinking that that are at very best despicable. AA isnt for me either. Stay with us. Post and read. It does help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Thank you everyone for the kind words of encouragement. When I went to AA, I felt like there was a caste system and that new people were sort of supposed to just be quiet and listen. I asked around to try to get a sponsor and two of the women I asked from the sponsor list said no. other stuff there didn't work for me but I know it helps a lot of people and I don't want to put it down. It just wasn't for me. So the reason I drank yesterday and last night was because I was alone and had the opportunity to. I thought okay just one six pack at home and that will be nice. Of course it was not enough and I ended up going through two more quarts. I really despise myself for being me. I will look up AVRT right now and will continue to post.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by TryTryAgain 
I really despise myself for being me.
I am not a bad person. Neither are you.
Welcome to the fight of your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Strategery and Nonsensical you know exactly what I am talking about. Everyone here does and I am feeling more optimistic by the minute. That AV in my head does want to get me back into a bad place and keep me there. But only if I allow it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I’m partial to AA as it has a track record and has helped millions world wide stop drinking.
I feel that many programs will work IF we embrace them and believe that they will work.
I’ve witnessed too many get “well” and drift away to their old ways and soon pick up, so continued working whatever program selected we have a much better chances to stay sober, that’s the goal.
BE WELL
I’m partial to AA as it has a track record and has helped millions world wide stop drinking.
I feel that many programs will work IF we embrace them and believe that they will work.
I’ve witnessed too many get “well” and drift away to their old ways and soon pick up, so continued working whatever program selected we have a much better chances to stay sober, that’s the goal.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time.
Some people manage to heed the warning signs early in their drinking careers. I didn’t. I continued to drink though crisis after crisis. My marriage broke up and even that didn’t stop me. It was only when I was faced with the imminent threat of losing everything – job, house and more than anything access to my kids that I finally managed to wake up. For so long I stood back – and watched as the wreckage built up. To my addicted mind it was all worth it, just as long as could have that all important fix. But finally it reached the point where the option of continuing to drink was even more painful than the thought of having to do something about it.
You are not at that stage – YET. But it will come. That is the harsh reality of addiction; it is progressive, always getting worse. I really hope that you manage to find the answer before it’s too late.
So what do you need to do? Have you tried counselling? You mention that you don’t like AA but there are other options such as AVRT which you might benefit from. In short make it your number one priority in life.
I wish you all the best and hope that things work out. Call in any time for support
Some people manage to heed the warning signs early in their drinking careers. I didn’t. I continued to drink though crisis after crisis. My marriage broke up and even that didn’t stop me. It was only when I was faced with the imminent threat of losing everything – job, house and more than anything access to my kids that I finally managed to wake up. For so long I stood back – and watched as the wreckage built up. To my addicted mind it was all worth it, just as long as could have that all important fix. But finally it reached the point where the option of continuing to drink was even more painful than the thought of having to do something about it.
You are not at that stage – YET. But it will come. That is the harsh reality of addiction; it is progressive, always getting worse. I really hope that you manage to find the answer before it’s too late.
So what do you need to do? Have you tried counselling? You mention that you don’t like AA but there are other options such as AVRT which you might benefit from. In short make it your number one priority in life.
I wish you all the best and hope that things work out. Call in any time for support
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by TryTryAgain
I am so angry with myself that I feel like my heart is breaking. I drank last night and said cruel things to my husband. This is not the first time. I am a monster when I drink and he has had to deal with my behavior for years. The only solution is to get sober and stay sober. I try and can even do well for a few days or weeks then it's right back to getting drunk and mean. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I don't like AA and I never felt connected to it. I sort of feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I am so lonely and so sorry and I want to fix this. How?
Until I finally did.
I'm sorry for your struggles.... And boy can I empathize.
May you find your way to sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 99
Mac, Owl: Thanks so much. Your supportive posts have brought tears to my eyes. I have never tried AVRT, until now. I like the feeling of being capable and powerful and I want very much to succeed. Thank you again.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
TTA - I know how you feel, did that for a long time. When I got sick and tired of my behavior I knew in my heart I had to have f2f supports. If you don't like AA there are other options. Maybe try something else??
Glad you're here today, Tomorrow you can wake up sober on Christmas!
Keep coming back
Glad you're here today, Tomorrow you can wake up sober on Christmas!
Keep coming back
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