Carlotta

Welcome to SR. I am just glad that you realized you have a serious problem and decided to address it. You will find a lot of support on this board.

least

I've been sober for five years with the help of my addiction counselor and daily visits to SR.

Welcome to the family.

Anna

One of the best things you can learn here at SR is that there are many ways to recover. Decide what works for you and then go for it. There is always hope and you must not give up. We do understand how hard this is.

heartcore

I was also the sort of drinker who could be laid back 99% of the time, but every once in a while, alcohol would loose the floodgate and release my massive flood of discontent, usually on a romantic partner. Cruel. Words that could never be called back or erased. All the hurts and slights and reasons why they are not worthy of me used as weapons to pummel them. I now realize that I wanted to hurt those closest to me as I hurt, so deep inside.

I can trust myself in sobriety. I can trust myself to (eventually) identify the things that don't work for me, and adjust them - so I am not building resentments. I trust myself to choose the people around me and disconnect with those who are unkind or who trigger my issues. I trust myself to tell people my feelings in a reasonable way, focused on myself. I'm sure it is tedious, but it is not cruel. I trust myself to sift through words and choose not to say things that will cut. I can trust all of this because I am sober.

I send you best wishes that you succeed in your sobriety and in the resultant ability to express only those aspects of your feelings that you choose to express, at the right time and with the right words, so that they can actually shift things toward "better."

I want to be kind, gentle, and clear on my edges and boundaries. One of the things I hated most about "throwing down" with verbal cruelty when arguing drunk is that I ended up having to apologize and feel crappy about myself for days because of the WAY I expressed myself, even when WHAT I was trying to express was valid. I never have to feel or do that again. Yaaayyy!

robgt350

trytryagain

yea i can relate to how you start as a 6 pack and end up drinking more. it happens to me all the time. i went to AA also. can i agree, i felt the same thing that AA has like a Caste system, "good ol Folks" atmosphere.
i found this place to have great support and good people to give you advice and help. they have real time chat here where i was able to talk to people who have addiction to alcohol like i do.
i was also able to relate how you were "lonely" i do too get that. i learned new hobbies and things i want to do. that really helped me out in some ways, coping with that.
i hope you find your path to sobriety, i think it will be a path you will love, like i do. you might slip and fall, but that is ok, i did many times. but i am back on it

readerbaby71

The Women for Sobriety program helped me quit drinking. Their message boards and online meetings are wonderful. If you can find a F2F meeting in your area, I urge you to give it a try. It's very different from AA. Empowering and based on love and compassion (for ourselves). You can do this.


WFS “New Life” Acceptance Program

I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.

Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.

Happiness is a habit I will develop.
Happiness is created, not waited for.

Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

I am what I think.
I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.

Love can change the course of my world.
Caring becomes all important.

The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.

The past is gone forever.
No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.

All love given returns.
I will learn to know that others love me.

Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
I treasure all moments of my new life.

I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
This is what I am and I shall know it always.

I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.

Nuudawn

This to me shows openness and willingness...whether you utilize AA or you don't.

THAT to me is the key to sobriety. Over the years my feelings on AA have vacillated between enthusiasm to contempt at various times. What they do great is...community and support.

Whatever your struggling with...community and support are big winners.

desypete

for me being angry and saying nasty things to my ex wife was just the tip of iceberg for when i drank

i to became like a monster when i drank and i never ever ment to but it was when i came to see that i am an alcoholic and accepted it that i started to learn and grow

my problem was when i took a drink i would get drunk and i never wanted to, i just didnt have an off switch that i could simply say ok i have had enought drink now so i will stop after 5 or 6

i had to drink every last drop or drink i could to get plastered drunk, in that state everyone is insane and will do anything or say anything that comes into there heads, there is nothing there to stop me from reacting like i could do if i was sober

my behaviour got worse i ended up getting arrested for sorts of public order offences from drink driving to drunk and disorderly to fighting etc

i would wake up the next day horrified at what i had to done if i could remember it as the times i would wake up trying to remember and then the pain and the shame of it all was huge

i would swear off drink for good and give up for a time but only to find myself being drawn back to drink over and over again

in the end partners give up and familys give up as i just couldnt mean it when i said i wouldnt do it again

only in aa did i find people so like me and they shown me a way to stop it its the only that has worked for me and i am 10 years sober now soon to be 11

i dont wake up wishing i never did that or said that anymore, i dont wake up in police cells, i dont have guilt or shame anymore

because i am sober today and just dont do those sorts of things sober to the degree i would do when drunk

good luck to you and i hope you will think again about aa find meetings were people share about themselves honestly as to me it sounds like you just couldnt identify with people in aa and you wont if all they do is talk about the steps and god etc

i always talk about what it was like for me and then move on to how i got better so i can give out id to people as its so important

anyway good luck

TryTryAgain

Wow! I am just blown away by the prose I am reading here. So affirming, as the similarity of most of our stories is almost unbelievable. And while I am sad for all of us to have to go through this, I take great comfort in reading your words. Maybe for me that makes a difference too - I understand better when I can read something a couple of times, whereas in meetings, it's mostly people talking off the cuff. I can really feel the kindness, acceptance, and help here. Thank you.

So far, AVRT has been a fantastic concept, but I haven't fully put it into practice yet, since I have not had an opportunity to drink for the past couple of days - have been around friends and family, and they disapprove of me getting drunk (for obvious reasons). Some of them have run out of times that they will forgive me.

But today is going to be a challenge as Christmas Weekend is essentially over and I will be alone until tonight, when I pick my husband up at the airport. This is my chance to be strong. Yet, I can so see myself drinking "just one six pack", then deciding I don't care, and finally telling my husband he will have to take a cab home. UGH. My AV is already whispering bad ideas but this time I know it's not me and I can no to that jerk.

Okay, off to do some positive things to keep this day rolling right.

Thanks for listening. I will be back later. :-)

Hevyn

Hope it's going well for you today, Try.

TryTryAgain

Thanks, Hevyn! Yes, it is really going well. I am staying busy with positive things and telling dumb AV "NO" whenever it raises its ugly head.

Cleaning, cooking, washing windows - things that sound 1950ish, but these chores are bringing me great comfort and making me feel good about myself and my new choices.

Hope you day is going well too!

Back to work.